Phineas and Ferb's TV Countdown
by Jacku
Summary: Major Monogram and Dr. Doofenshmirtz host the countdown show of the 10 most memorable Phineas and Ferb episodes.


Phineas and Ferb T.V. Countdown Major Monogram and Dr. Doofenshmirtz are the hosts of the Phineas and Ferb's T.V. Countdown. Announcer: After they finished their last Musical Cliptastic countdown it's now.. the Phineas and Ferb T.V. countdown, still hosted by Major Francis Monogram and Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz! Major Monogram and Dr. Doofenshmirtz walk in a room. Major Monogram: Welcome everyone to the Phineas and Ferb T.V. countdown. It will be just like having the Musical countdown but instead of showing our favorite songs we're showing all of you our favorite Phineas and Ferb episodes counting down from 10-1. Are you ready Dr. D?. Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I guess so. Major Monogram: Please enjoy video number 10. (Scene opens up in Phineas and Ferb's room showing the alarm clock at 6:59 AM. As it goes off, it makes a party blower sound, shows the words "Happy Birthday", two star flags pop up and confetti rains all over the alarm clock) Phineas: (Snoozes alarm clock) Phineas: Another fantastic year older, and this is gonna be the best birthday ever! So, what are we gonna do, Ferb? Huh! A note! "For the celebration of your birthday, just follow these clues to show you the way". Cool! It's like a birthday adventure. But hey, where's Ferb? (Outside, Ferb puts on a fedora and runs out the gate) Ferb! Candace: I can't believe it! It's Phineas's birthday, and I still don't know what to get him! What can you get for the boy who can make everything? (Sighs) It's my fault. I should have been thinking about this before, but I've just been so distracted by trying to bust Phineas and- Wait! What is he up to? T-T-Y-L, Stacy! (Inside the garage) Isabella: Hey, Ferb! (Ferb takes off his fedora) We were just discussing our plans for Phineas' birthday. The circus we ordered won't be arriving 'til later in the day, (Irving walks up) but Irving had a great idea for a warm-up. Irving: We should make a video compilation of all of Phineas' greatest moments! Buford: What? Like on a clip show? (Crosses his arms) Lame. Irving: Not where a genius like Phineas is concerned, watch this. (Turns on TV) (Clips: Phineas quotes) Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Let's see what we can do about that pesky gravitational pull. (Ferb presses a button on a controller) Phineas: (Explaining Candace her mission) After you wrestle the crocodiles, you'll corkscrew through the overpass and free-fall past the flaming high wire to make your last delivery and receive the 50th patch. Phineas: (In a video game) Wow, a castle! Nice art direction, Ferb. Phineas: (Riding on a rocket attached to a bike with Ferb and Candace) Good thing we had this extra rocket engine, huh? Phineas: (Showing a giant paper-maché plane) Eat your heart out, Howard Hughes. Phineas: (Showing Isabella a dining room) Behold! A romantic candlelit dinner for two. Phineas: (Building a giant card house) We're almost finished with our exact replica of the Temple of Angkor Wat. Phineas: (Showing a giant contraption) The Phineas-and-Ferb-edge-of-insanity-kiss-your-butt-goodbye-gravity's-a-stone-cold-sucker-nightmare-rail-skate-track-obstacle-course of doom! Candace: Will you please tell me what's going on here? Phineas: We're building an animation studio. Phineas: (Exiting a giant bowling ball) That was amazing! Phineas: (With Linda's tricked-out car) The flying car of the future, today, is still pulling a bit to the right. (With the Candace Crusher) Lawrence: A monster truck! Phineas: Yeah! Isn't it sweet? Phineas: (Revealing the rollercoaster) THE COOLEST... COASTER... EVER! (Ferb reveals the coaster. A bird flies into it) Irving: (Imitating fanfare. The camera zooms out as he imitates a kettle drum beat and turns off the TV) Baljeet: Why did you not just use the kettle drum? Irving: I never learned how to play. (Pushes the kettle drum away, and a cat yowls) Anyway, (Candace looks through the window and swoons) By utilizing my extensive collection of spy cameras, I've got footage of everything that Phineas has ever done. But I haven't had time to edit all of it- Well, what, with- You know, filming more. (He and Baljeet, Buford and Isabella walk to Ferb) I've divided up all the video into 3 parts. (Shows the CDs) Each of you take a section, (Isabella, Baljeet and Buford each takes a CD) Edit your tribute, and we'll meet at the party later. (Candace shows an evil face. The garage door opens and Isabella, Baljeet and Buford run out of the garage. The garage door closes) Candace: (Giggles) Phineas: (Runs to the kitchen) "This birthday excursion will take you afar, you'll find your next clue where the 2x4s are". 2x4s, huh? Perry, are you thinking what I'm- (Camera pans to Perry's bed) Hey, where's Perry? (Scene shifts to Perry's lair) Major Monogram: (To Carl) Okay, now let me to do the talking. (Agent P walks to his seat) Major Monogram: Oh, Agent P! There's a something we need to discuss for a while, you see Perry's job and performances which come up, (Perry's face became surprised) but don't get me wrong, it's just like your entrances became "lackluster" lately. (Perry's face became sad) We just expect more from you. Roll the footage Carl! Carl: Right away sir. (Clips: Perry's entrances) (Perry falls through a trough and swims into his lair while dodging laser sharks) (Perry slides down a tree trunk and manages to catch a falling vase upon entering the lair) (Perry enters through a vending machine but gets stuck on the slide and has to pull himself along) (Perry, wearing a pet cone, tries to pass through the entrance on the side of the house, but is repeatedly blocked by the cone) (A giant Perry lifts the roof off of the lair and sits down) (Perry unfolds a fold-out sofa, lays on it, and folds it back up) (Perry is launched into the air by a fence board and falls through an opening in the ground) (Perry pulls a book and jumps through a filing cabinet drawer) (Perry rides a log through an amusement park-style tunnel) (Song: Mission) Animatronic Animals: You're gonna get a mission A mission, a mission A brand-new mission What's it gonna be? Go and get your mission Your mission, your mission A brand-new mission We can't wait to see! Major Monogram: What happened to that guy? No pressure, but style counts. (Perry salutes and walks away sadly) Let's, uh, let's give him a few days, and then we should talk to him about his exits. (Scene shifts to the Garcia-Shapiro house) Candace: Hi-ya, Isabella. Isabella: Oh hi Candace, what are you doing here? In my house? Candace: Oh just barging around. You know me, big barger. So, what is that? Isabella: Oh, just a little birthday video I'm editing for Phineas. Candace: Then let's see. (Candace plays the video) Computer Phineas: (in the video, spliced together) We'll-Be-Together-Forever-Isabella. Isabella: (Looks embarrassed at Candace) Hehe... Candace: But... don't you have anything more, you know, unusual? Isabella: Of course! Watch this. (Presses play) Isabella: (in video) I saw the best girls of my troop, hungry, patchless, out of uniform. Candace: Okay, seriously, whoa. I mean, like Phineas's inventions? Isabella: Nope, I didn't get any of that footage. Candace: Then you're useless to me. Candace out! Isabella: (After Candace leaves) Hm... I'll have to talk to her about her exits. (Isabella returns to editing her video) Computer Phineas: (spliced again) Isabella-Will-You-Marry-Me? Isabella: (dreamily) Ah... The magic of digital editing! Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Doofenshmirtz: I see you, Perry the Platypus, now kick the door... (Perry kicks the door and the trap, a large TV, activates) Haha! Gotcha, Perry the Platypus! Hee hee hee! I saw you coming from my video surveillance system! Ah, if I had a nickel for every time I've trapped you. (Clips: Perry's traps; after each clip, a counter in the top-right corner of the screen goes up by $0.05) (Perry is enclosed by falling bricks) (Perry is captured in a durable bubble shot by Doofenshmirtz) (Perry is trapped by a machine that winds duct tape around him) (Restraints pin Perry's hands, feet, and tail to a crate) (Doofenshmirtz pushes a button, and Perry, sitting in a lounge chair, is now trapped in a cage) (Perry opens a satchel, releasing a metal belt that pins him to the wall) (Perry lands and is trapped inside a large Perry replica) (Perry is tied up by a lowering coil of rope) (Perry, sitting in a car, is fastened into a baby seat) (A metal helmet lands on Perry's head and holds him above the floor) (in the woods) Doofenshmirtz: Come here. (Perry steps forward and a cage falls on him) Ha-ha-ha! (Doofenshmirtz zaps Perry, trapping him in a ball gown; Perry tries to move but falls down and his arms are restrained) (A large column lands on Perry and traps him in a baby table) Doofenshmirtz: Ha-ha-ha! (A net pins Perry to the ceiling) (A large glass bubble lowers onto Perry) (Perry lands and is immediately trapped inside a large diving helmet) (The floor below Perry opens up and he falls) (A net encloses around Perry and yanks him up) (Perry is trapped inside a metal box with armholes) (Perry is trapped in a falling pet carrier) (Perry steps in a rope loop and is flung up by his ankle) (The box Perry is carrying turns into a plaque that encloses the platypus: the counter stops at $1.10) Doofenshmirtz: Ha-ha! Made you carry your own trap! (back to Doofenshmirtz in front of his wall of TVs) Doofenshmirtz: Huh, I thought it would be more than that. I guess I could get a candy bar or something. Anyway, I've been studying all my previous schemes and I figured out why they always seem to fail. Let's see if you can figure out what they all have in common. Look! (Clips: Doofenshmirtz's -inators) Doofenshmirtz: Behold! The Mime-inator! Doofenshmirtz: The Mountain-out-of-a-Molehill-inator! Doofenshmirtz: The Aerosol-Propelled Ozone-Deplete-inator! Doofenshmirtz: The Metal Destruct-inator! Doofenshmirtz: Giant Dog Biscuit-inator. (dogs bark) Thank you! Thank you for making my point for me! Doofenshmirtz: The Gloom-inator 3000!... inator. Doofenshmirtz: My Smell-inator! Doofenshmirtz: My Blow-Itself-Up-inator! (explodes) Doofenshmirtz: The Monster-Truck-Away-inator. Doofenshmirtz: The Atomic Leaf Blower-inator! Doofenshmirtz: The Sandwich Suit Remove-inator! Doofenshmirtz: I call it my Turn Everything Evil-inator. (back to Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: See? They all have "-inator" in the name. That is why they fail. Which is why I named my latest creation, The Video-Beam-Hijack-Non-Inator! You see, I added "non" to the name, because "non" means "not", so it's a "not-an-inator", therefore, it can't not fail. Get it? I mean, it can't... can't fail, it... okay. (Scene shifts to Candace) Candace: Heeheehee... (phone rings) Hi, Mom. Linda: (on the phone) Where are you, Candace? You promised you'd help frost the cake after you got Phineas's present. Candace: Yeah, well I got a little sidetracked preparing the bust of the century. Later today, I'm going to show you something you won't believe. Linda: If I have a nickel for every time I've heard that. (Clips: Candace yelling for Mom; 5-cent counter goes up after each clip) Candace: Mom, you've got to see this. Candace: Mom, they're driving a herd of cattle right through downtown. Candace: See, Mom? There! Mom? Candace: Mom! Dad! Heeheeheehee. Look at what Phineas and Ferb did to the backyard! Candace: See? It's a submarine! Candace: (in Picasso's "Guernica") Mom! Mom! Mom! Candace: Come on, come on. You gotta see this. Linda: Candace, will you- Candace: Mom, you gotta come home right away. Phineas and Ferb have... th-they build a... a thing that... that... oh, what's the use? Candace: Mom! Mom! Look at this! Look at me! Candace: MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! Candace: Mom! Mom! Giant building! Candace: Come on, come on, come on! Candace: Mom, you've gotta see this! It's about your car! Candace: Mom! Mom! Quick! Mom! Look! Before it disappears! Linda: Now where's this giant animation studio? Candace: It got up, and it danced away. Linda: It what? Candace: It got up, and it danced, away. (counter stops at $0.75) Linda: Hmm. I guess I can buy a candy bar. (Scene shifts to Phineas at Tri-State Plank & Board) Phineas: Tri-State Plank & Board. Some of our best structures were born here. (walks inside) Worker: Phineas Flynn. Is that the birthday boy I hear? Phineas: Yep. (removes helmet shaped like the top of his head) In the flesh. Worker: Oh, you and your helmet. Phineas: Have you seen Ferb today? Worker: No, but I did see a guy in a robotic bird-themed super suit shooting eggs out of his wrist. Phineas: (points his finger at her) Worker: ...and that was Ferb, wasn't it? Phineas: It's a safe bet. We used a robotic bird-themed super suit to save City Hall this summer. Worker: Aren't you a little young... Phineas: (laughs) If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that. (Clips: "Aren't you a little young..."; 5-cent counter goes up after each clip) Factory Manager: Aren't you a little young to be a roller coaster engineer? Contractor: Aren't you a little young to be a landscape contractor? J.B.: Aren't you a bit young to be toy designers? Ben Baxter: Aren't you a little young to be pop stars? Charlene Doofenshmirtz: Aren't you a little young to be detectives? Boat Captain: Aren't you boys a little young to man a fishing vessel? Officer: Aren't you a little young to be working in a museum? Delivery Man 3: Aren't you a little young to order all this? Delivery Man 2: Yes, yes he is. (to Phineas) Sorry, Phineas. He's new. Delivery Guy: Aren't you kids a little young to be discovering Atlantis? Danny: Aren't you a little young to be fans of Love Händel? Charitable Charities Manager 3: Aren't you a little young to know about all these old detective shows? Ranger: Aren't you boys a little young to be restoring a national monument? Phineas: Yes. Yes we are. (counter stops at $0.60) (back to Tri-State Plank & Board) Worker: Was I supposed to see something just now? Phineas: Nah, I was just thinking to myself. It's a clip show. So where'd you see Ferb? Worker: He was right over here. That suit really holds a lot of eggs. (the two of them walk to a wall with a picture of a Slushy Dawg on it, made from the eggs, and a pile of egg shells at its base) Phineas: Huh. A visual clue! Worker: Is that a Slushy Dawg on a stick? Phineas: Yep, and a fine example of the lost art of egg-rendering. (Scene shifts to Baljeet's room in his house) Baljeet: Almost done. Candace: (kicks the door open) You! Step away from the computer! I want to see that video. Baljeet: But... Candace: Play it! Baljeet: Okay, okay! Candace: Phineas and Ferb, I've got you now! (Baljeet presses Play) (Clips: strange moments) (Song: The Ballad of Badbeard) Candace: (hallucinating, singing) Why do my nostrils whisper to me? (A woman grabs a giant baby's hand and leads her away) (Robot Linda's face opens and a small alien starts speaking in alien dialect) (Professor Poofenplotz's Me-Mobile is pinned to a building by Pinky's harpoon) (Phineas and Ferb chase the oversized A-Primes through their hotel's hallway) Talking Zebra: I voted for you, Kevin. (in a dark red cave) Linda: Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki! Lawrence: Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki! Linda, Lawrence: Ki-ki-ki-ki-ki! Ba-dink-a-dinks: We are the Ba-dink-a-dinks! (Back to Candace and Baljeet) Candace: What the heck was that? Baljeet: That is what I said! Sure, give the weird stuff to Baljeet! Who cares if it does not work out of context? Candace: Where's the rest? Baljeet: This is all they gave me! Candace: Ugh, that leaves Buford. (leaves) Baljeet: I need better clips. Part II (Scene opens up at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Doofenshmirtz: Ah, "trapped Perry the Platypus." It's my favorite show; but you know what, my least favorite show is this. (turns on T.V.) Announcer: (Roger is seen chopping some wood and kissing a baby. He is also seen at the Tri-State Area costume ball in a superhero costume with a woman in a cat costume. Then, Roger jumps into the air a la Superman, while the woman looks up in surprise.) Culture. Square-jawed. Danville Mayor Roger Doofenshmirtz. Profiled on: "Younger Brothers of the Useless." Doofenshmirtz: It's a 12-part mini-series running all day long; nothing but propaganda. He can't really fly, they did that with wires. So that is why I invented the Video-Beam-Hijack-Non-inator; "non"-inator, mind you, for reasons we've already discussed. With this, I will preempt the biography of my brother so he can't rely on that 14-karat smile and his freakish ability to not be despised. I mean, look at this city, look at all that urban blight that, uh... that isn't there anymore, and... and the public transportation, all... uh, clean and... efficient and... (sighs) running on time... Okay, let's just say I'm gonna let Roger warm up the room for me, then I'll preempt his ridiculous documentary with live video of me announcing my take-over of the Tri-State Area. (puts on Roger's glasses) And maybe I'll put on these glasses like he wears. (tosses them aside) I don't know. What am I, gonna throw away my best stuff on a clip show? Forget it. Now let's light this pop stand. Could take a while, though. It's gotta... it's gotta warm up... vacuum tubes. (Scene shifts to the Van Stomm house, where Candace is waiting for a chance for Buford to leave his room.) Candace: This is it. All I need to do is get Buford away from that computer and... Biffany: (off-screen) Buford, honey, come over here! Buford: (off-screen) Coming, Mom! Candace: Ooh, lucky break. (climbs in through the window) Okay, let's see. (presses Play) (Clips: Phineas and Ferb's inventions) (The ride from "Don't Even Blink" does random things. Phineas is seen laughing, then Isabella. Then to Ferb, then Buford.) (Song: Quirky Worky Song) Suitty-up-booty-up-billa-be-do-do-da Do-da-be-de-da, da-da, da-da-da Phineas: Howdy, Candace. Enjoying the rodeo? (The airborne Mix N' Mingler, spinning rapidly, ejects several people, including Phineas, into the air) Phineas: Well, here's the foyer; all-imported marble, by the way... Phineas: You can stop laughing and pointing, because now it's time for... (his oversized pants fall down) Oops. (Song: A-G-L-E-T) Phineas: A-G-L-E-T... (A mechanical hand comes out of an oven and pies Candace in the face) (Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford, and Irving shrink) Isabella: Wow! We're really tiny! (Candace grabs onto the time machine and she, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Future Candace travel through the time vortex into the future) (The rocket-shaped kiddie ride launches) Buford: (screams) Phineas: Here's the bowling alley, pool, telescope... Phineas: Ferb? (Ferb pulls a lever and the Holy Mackerel levels out) Candace: What do you mean, "maze"? (The screen pans out three times, revealing the entire maze) (The Molecular Separator zaps the two Candaces, turning them into 13 Candaces) (Phineas, Ferb, and Perry ride a coffin down a waterfall, getting their picture taken) (Phineas, Ferb, and Candace launch up through a cloud) Candace: (screams) Phineas: Hey look, a cloud angel! Phineas: ...terracotta army room, (shouting) jet engine wind tunnel... (Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and a herd of cattle ride down cliffside waterslides) (Song: Yippy Ki Yi Yay!) (Ferb controls The Beak down the massive skate ramp) (Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and an alien have fun playing in Mitch's alien zoo) Phineas: ...and, scoring stage with 40-piece orchestra. Buford: Buford's first! (Buford and all the kids ride the Fun Preservers down the escape slide) (Song: Gotta Make Summer Last) Summer, I love summer, Give me that summertime (The suit of armor with Phineas and Ferb sticking out of the arms crashes into the other jousting horse) (A room full of chickens in glass cages is charged up by a strange energy device) Candace: Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom... It's so beautiful! (climbs out the window carrying the CD) Candace: I got it! Ha ha ha! Ah ha ha! (shouting to the entire street) Today, I will bust my brothers, and this time, I mean it! Man 1: I've heard that before! Man 2: Every day the same thing. Man 3: Is that that girl again? Candace: You'll see! (car alarm goes off) (Scene shifts to the Googolplex Mall) Phineas: Googolplex Mall, home of the original Slushy Dawg. Hey Jeremy! Jeremy: Want a Slushy Dawg? Phineas: Sure. Supersuit-generated egg renderings always make me a bit peckish. Jeremy: I bet that's the first time anybody's ever said that. By the way, (hands Phineas a folded piece of paper) Ferb left this clue for you. Phineas: Thanks. Jeremy: I bet you guys have heard a lot of strange sentences over the course of the summer. (hands Phineas a Slushy Dawg) Phineas: Boy, I'll say. (takes a bite) Jeremy: Can you think of any examples? Phineas: Nope, not offhand. See ya! (leaves) Jeremy: Happy birthday! (begins whistling while cleaning the counter) Phineas: Wait a minute! (running back to the counter) I just remembered some! (Clips: Strange sentences) Phineas: Nothing says mother's love like a giant robotic platypus butt. Candace: Why am I wearing a turtle on my head? Buford: I wanna float around! Like men. Candace (in Perry's body): Am I sweating milk? Future Candace: Gotta go, Stacy. Good luck with that llama legislation. Man: Run for your lives! It's Gnome-ageddon! Isabella: Stickiness is the most underrated of all the -nesses... Buford: (rowing a boat past a lighthouse) I knew I should've gotten the down payment on the elephants. Linda: It looks a little like a rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig. Stacy: (as the Dangerbil) Ohh, no. You did not just tell me to hench. Phineas: What, you think we should have more Bulgarian folk-related elements? Linda: I'll be in the dairy section if you want to come yell at some cheese. Phineas: Dad, you might want to wipe the queen off your face. (Song: F-Games) Baljeet: I, too, feel a certain element of kabob-ism. Ferb: Definitely the giant floating baby head. Buford: I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to transitive verb crackers. Candace: I just discovered why cows and frogs don't date. Phineas: "Lawn gnome beach party of taffeta." Make a note of that. Candace: I'm calling Mom. (goes inside, slamming the door; promptly reopens it) And I am not using the banana this time! Phineas: Couldn't see any of that, though, could you? Jeremy: Not a bit. Phineas: It's a clip show thing. (unfolds and reads clue) "I hope you had fun on this scavenger hunt, now head back to the place where we plan all our stunts." Home it is! (Scene shifts to D.E.I.) Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah, we're gettin' there now! Soon I will preempt my brother's documentary marathon with my own live video! And there's not a thing you can do about it, like... li... like all those other times. (Clips: Doofenshmirtz and Perry's fights) (Doofenshmirtz and Perry fight with wrenches; Perry pounds a screw into Doofenshmirtz' foot) Doofenshmirtz: Now I can't make up my mind- (Perry punches Doof repeatedly in the face) (Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz into a lever, switching it to "Blow") (Perry repeatedly pecks Doofenshmirtz in the head) (Devolved Perry and Doofenshmirtz fight; Perry pins Doofenshmirtz down and repeatedly pecks his head) Doofenshmirtz: I can't believe you fell for that (pulls down a fake window) fake window trick. Ha-ha-ha... (Perry swings through the window and kicks Doofenshmirtz) (Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz into his blimp's control panel) Doofenshmirtz: How did you get out of that double knot? Doofenshmirtz: (standing on top of Big Ben) Ha ha ha ha ha! Hey! (Perry appears behind him, kicks him off the tower, and catches his remote) (Perry and Doofenshmirtz have a sword fight with a hot dog and bratwurst, respectively; Perry slaps Doofenshmirtz in the face with the hog dog several times) (Perry and Doofenshmirtz are zapped by the dance ray and start dancing) Doofenshmirtz: No, that's not it eith...Aah! (Perry pulls him away from the hovercraft controls) (Perry throws a chair through the Invis-inator's ray; it turns invisible and hits Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: ...it turns you visible ag...Aagh! Ow! Oh, well that came out of nowhere. (Doofenshmirtz is turned inside-out after being zapped by a ray) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great. Now I have to make an Outside-In-inator. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, how did you escape? (Perry beckons Doofenshmirtz to come closer, then punches him in the face) What's that? Oh! (Perry slams a trash can onto Doofenshmirtz's head and kicks him; Doofenshmirtz staggers backwards and removes the trash can, but falls off his balcony and screams) Doofenshmirtz: (having been hit with the Age Accelerator-inator) Well, it's already 4:30; I think I'm going to bed. Curse you, Perry the Platypus. Doofenshmirtz: I shouldn't dwell on it, i...it's just too painful. But I gotta stop living in the past. (Perry slips his tail under the TV screen and hits one of the TV's buttons, raising the trap) Doofenshmirtz: What? Why did I put that button on the... Oh, I guess aesthetically, it ma... (Perry punches Doofenshmirtz, who flies across the room) Oof! You may have escaped my TV trap, Perry the Platypus, but I'm still going to change your channel! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Doofenshmirtz pulls a laser remote out of his lab coat and fires it at Perry. He misses and shoots several holes in the wall; Perry uses a nearby flatscreen TV as cover. Perry grabs another remote from the top of the TV and fires at Doofenshmirtz) Oh, that one shoots too? Whoo! Who knew? (Doofenshmirtz uses a nearby TV as cover as the two fight) (Scene shifts to just outside the Flynn-Fletcher backyard) Phineas: Well, all roads lead to home, I guess. I can't wait to see what they ha... Phineas' friends: Happy birthday, Phineas! (the yard is filled with Phineas-shaped balloons, and has a stage with a giant TV screen reading "Happy Birthday, Phineas") Tabitha Comstock: You're the best! Isabella: Phineas Flynn, welcome to your birthday! (rockets and stars appear on the TV screen) (Back at D. E. I., Perry and Doofenshmirtz are still fighting. Meanwhile, Candace is running down the street, holding the disc) Candace: Hee hee! Hee! Hee! Just a few more blocks and I'm gonna bust my brothers for all the stuff that's on this DVD! (Back to Doof and Perry: Doofenshmirtz zaps the last part of the TV Perry was using for protection, then zaps Perry's remote) Doofenshmirtz: Ha-HA! I got ya! (Doofenshmirtz shoots at Perry, who handsprings out of the way; the remote's laser hits a mirror and bounces back. Doofenshmirtz dodges the reflected laser, which hits a leg on the Video-Beam-Hijack-Non-inator, causing it to tilt just as it fires) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great. Now it's pointing in the wrong direction. The wrong direction! Candace: (still running down the street) Heeheeheeheehee... Ooh! A dollar! (leans down to pick up the dollar just as the Non-inator's beam passes over her head) Construction video: (being watched by an on-site water repairman, needing to insert a pipe marked with arrows between two other pipes marked with arrows) Welcome to Danville's new on-the-job video training program. When installing pipes, always make sure the arrows are pointing... (the Non-inator's beam hits the TV, switching the video image with that of Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: (on the on-site TV) ...the wrong direction! The wrong direction! The wrong direction, I tell you! (The repairman uses an odd-looking wrench to fit the pipe in with the arrows pointing opposite directions. The pipe splits along each fitting, causing the very end of the pipe to launch off; it hits a one-way sign, turning it around. This redirects a DVD recycling truck towards oncoming traffic; alerted by other drivers' horns, the truck driver swerves off the road. The truck breaks through a guardrail and slides down a hill) Candace: (having picked up the dollar) Hah! (gasps) (The truck hits a barrier at the bottom of the hill, causing its back doors to open, sending a wave of DVDs at Candace. Candace holds her DVD above the incoming wave and successfully walks out of the pile, still with her disc) Candace: Ha-ha, I made it! Hee, hee, hee, hee... (The pipe fitted by the repairman bulges and bursts, sending it and the wrench flying, hitting a few birds on the way up.) Candace: (turns around) AAAAHHH! (the birds dive-bomb her as she runs away) Birds?! What is happening?! (she dodges the birds) Candace: That's it! I made it! I... AAAAHHH! (she trips and launches the DVD into the air) Oh no! Candace: (seeing a parade of elephants coming down the street) A circus? What the... (Candace does a front flip and kicks the disc back into the air just before reaching the elephants. She jumps onto the elephant's back, swings down a "PHINEAS" banner held by the circus performers, and zips past a unicycling clown. Candace suddenly finds herself juggling two bowling pins and the disc while unicycling, and launches off a road construction ramp. Candace catches the disc and rolls down a dirt pile to a stop.) Balthazar: Can I have your autograph? (the clown's hat lands on Candace's head, and the wrench lands in Candace's other hand) Candace: Oh yeah, baby, it's happenin'. (Back at D. E. I.) Doofenshmirtz: (seeing the tilted Non-inator) Oh, now look what you made me do... 40 seconds ago, Perry the Platypus. Now I'm going to have to even out the legs! But first, I'm going to get even with you! (pushes the remote's button, but it doesn't work) I, oh, I, uh, I... I seem to be out of batteries. Could you wait while I go get the, um, uh... (Perry points another remote at Doofenshmirtz and fires) Perry the Platypus, no! (Doofenshmirtz ducks; the remote's laser misses him and hits the Non-inator, which explodes) Okay, maybe the "-inator" name wasn't the problem. (Perry jetpacks away from D. E. I.) Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (Perry hears this and smiles) (Back at Phineas' party) Linda: I just feel so bad we missed the video presentation while we were at the bakery. Lawrence: Well, we couldn't very well serve that cake, the way those wild penguins tore it apart, could we? And to think that they were carried away by a freak tornado! Candace: (running up) Mom! Mom! Mom! Linda: Candace, you missed half the party! Lawrence: (walking away) Triangular bubbles? How'd they ever do that? Candace: That's okay, cause this is it-it-it! Linda: This is what, Candace? Candace: The day I finally win. The day I get what I've been after all summer long! Linda: Oh, that. Candace: Because today, I have this! (holds up the DVD) Linda: What's that? Candace: This? Oh, this is only... Phineas: (over applause) Thank you, thank you, everyone! Linda: Hold on, honey. I think Phineas is going to speak. Phineas: (on stage) I just have to say, I'm a lucky guy. I mean, so far, this has been a rockin' great summer! I've sure had plenty of fun. But it's not about satisfying your personal desires. It's about all of you. Being surrounded by the best family (Linda and Lawrence hug) and the best friends (Buford and Baljeet tear up) anyone could ever hope to have. All the people I love, (Isabella sighs) and who love me right back. (Irving sighs) Today was a great day. The best day ever! Candace: (looks at the DVD, then at Phineas; she starts bawling) WAAHH-HHHAHH! I can't do it! Not on his birthday! I mean, what kind of person am I? (smashes the DVD with the wrench) Phineas: (walking up) Aw, Candace. You're a great person! Why, if I had a nickel for every time you did something nice for me... well, I wouldn't know what to do with that much money! Candace: But I didn't even get you a... Phineas: Wait a minute. (pointing at the wrench in Candace's hand) Is that... it is! A left-handed flange tuner! I've been looking for one of those forever! Candace: You've been... huh? Phineas: They're impossible to find! Custom-made for Danville's sewage repair, but they have a thousand uses! (takes the wrench) I love it! It's just what I've been wanting! (hugs Candace) Thank you, Candace! Candace: (hugs Phineas) You're welcome. Phineas: You're the best sister ever. (counter appears in the top-right of the screen, reading "$0.05") Linda: All right, everybody. (next to a cake with a Phineas ornament on top) Who wants cake? (all the kids run up to her, shouting chaotically) Buford: Buford wants cake! Buford wants cake! Me, me, me! Baljeet: Me! I want the largest piece! (Perry walks up to Candace and Phineas, and then chatters) Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. Some day, huh? Candace: Yep, and I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. (she and Phineas walk away) Clown: Hello? Did somebody order a circus? (beat) Hello? I knew I should've gotten the down payment on the elephants. Major Monogram noticed that Doofenshmirtz threw his own surprise party. Dr. Doofenshmirtz told him that the birthday video got him very excited for his birthday next year and that he wanted to do it sooner. Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked if he could introduce the next video since today was his practice birthday for next year. Major Monogram thought that made no sense but he could do it anyway. Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Here's Video number 9. Then Doofenshmirtz blew on a noise maker. Narrator: The Chronicles of Meap. Starring Lorenzo Lamas as Meap. Episode 38, "More Than Meaps the Eye". (Scene cuts down to Phineas holding a baseball launcher) Phineas: It's the bottom of the ninth inning, bases are loaded. It all comes down to this final pitch from Ferb the curve Fletcher. And the wind up. (Ferb pitches with a baseball launcher, and manipulates the ball's path) Phineas: And it's a striiiyiiiiyiiike! And the crowd goes wild! (Cheers) (Perry is wearing a baseball cap and a foam finger, looking as bored as he usually does.) Phineas: Yeah, it looked way outside, but then it was right in the zone. There's a lesson, baseball fans: never judge a book by its cover. (Candace, looking at a row of books, is apparently doing just that) Candace: Boring, dull, stupid, lame, heavy-handed and derivative. Linda: Oh, thank you for those insightful reviews of books you haven't read. Candace: Mom, that's why books have covers; to judge them. I mean, why did you choose these books from the library? Linda: They looked interesting. Candace: So... Linda: Point taken. Okay honey, I'm off to help Dad at the antique store. Oh, hey, here's a package for you. Candace: My Bango-Ru! Linda: Your what? Candace: My Bango-Ru. They're these adorable Japanese characters that are so in right now. Like in a kitschy way. The lead guitarist for The Bettys has one painted on her guitar. Stacy and I designed our own dolls online. Linda: Well, assuming none of that is teenage code for something I should be worried about as a parent, I'm off. Candace: Bye Mom. I got to call Stacy! Stacy: Bango-Ru! Candace: Bango-Ru! Stacy: I just got my little bunny-bear! It's a cross between a bunny and a bear! You get it? It's the most precious thing. Candace: I just got mine too. He's a cross between a cow and a frog. I'm calling him "Señor Frowwg". He's gonna be the cutest thing, you're just going to... (Candace pauses, seeing her doll) Stacy: Candace? What's going on? Candace: I just discovered why cows and frogs don't date. Stacy: Well, We'll still have fun at the Bango-Ru Convention today. Candace: (Sighs) Yeah, I guess. (Phineas and Ferb are still playing with their baseball launchers in the backyard.) Phineas: Okay, Ferb, let's see what this bad boy can do. Go long! Pop fly!. (Phineas launches the ball into the sky) Cool! (The baseball hits a spacecraft, which starts falling toward Earth) Oh, here it comes! (Phineas sees the spacecraft) Hey, Ferb I know what we're going to do today. Run for our lives! (The spaceship crashes in their backyard) Whoa, I think we may have just stopped and/or started an alien invasion. I hope he's not too angry, or hungry. (The space ship opens revealing the alien inside...) Alien: Meap! Phineas: Wow, that is cute. Hey, are you okay? We're really sorry about your ship. Alien: Meap! Phineas: What's your name? Alien: Meap! Phineas: Hi Meap! I'm Phineas and this is Ferb. Meap: Meap! (Meap pulls out a picture of another alien) Phineas: Whatcha got there? Hey, this must be his father. Don't worry, Meap. We'll fix your ship, and you'll be with your dad in no time. Candace: Hey Ferb, I know what we're going to do today, Let's get ourselves totally busted by crashing our stupid toy in the backyard. Phineas: Oh, hi Candace. It isn't a toy. It's a real live alien spaceship! Candace: Oh good! Because this isn't a cell phone. It's an inter-galactic little brother buster-izer. Which I'll use on you if you don't clean up this mess. What's with the spaceship anyway? Haven't you guys, you know, been there, done that? Phineas: We weren't planning on going into space. But if we did, I'm sure there's still a ton of cool stuff left to do. Candace: Yeah, well I'm all done with outer space. Never again! I'm going to stick with Earth, where I'm the one in charge of busting people who do things they're not supposed to do. (Meap walks from behind the spaceship up to Candace) Candace: Huh? Oh, that is the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my entire life! You guys made a Bango-Ru doll? Phineas: That's Meap. Meap: Meap! Candace: He talks? Phineas: Well, more than Ferb, but "Meap" is pretty much the only thing he says. Candace: Well you and your little Bango-robot better not show up at the convention and make me look bad. (She turns around and steps on a baseball launcher, launching a ball into somebody's window) ...That's strike one. Phineas: Okay Ferb, let's fix us an alien spaceship. Meap: Meap! Phineas: Where do you want to start? Hey Ferb, have you seen Perry? (Perry puts on his fedora and starts to run off, the quickly takes it off when he sees Meap) Meap: Meap! (Perry chatters) Meap: Meap! (Perry chatters) Meap: Meap! (Meap walks off, and Perry puts back on his fedora) (Perry enters his lair through a chute) (Major Monograms arms are white, and he seems to be making more gestures than normal) Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P! I wonder what exciting mission we have for you today. (starts itching his nose) Excuse me, my nose is really itchy. Doofenshmirtz has purchased a lot of carpet, he must be up to something bad. Because he's a bad, bad person... He's this bad. (Holds up his arms to show how bad Doofenshmirtz is. He starts to laugh) I can't do this. Carl was doing my arms. See? (Turns around to show Agent P) Oh, too funny, anyway, stop Doofenshmirtz with the carpet thing. (Phineas and Ferb are in the backyard working on Meap's ship) Phineas: It seems to run on a quantum front loading system. Can the wew system support that? (Ferb gives Phineas a "thumbs up") Hang on I'll bring you down. (Ferb is shown to be strapped to a table being controlled by Phineas's glove) Isabella: Hi guys! What'cha doin? Phineas: Oh, hi Isabella. come over here and we'll show you. (Phineas realizes Ferb is still attached to the contraption) Oh, oops, sorry Ferb. We're fixing up this spaceship that belongs to our new friend Meap. Meap, he's the most adorable thing in the world. Isabella: Really? Are you sure there's nothing, or no one that's more adorable? Phineas: No, not a chance. (Isabella frowns dejectedly) Here, see for yourself... Meap? Meap? (Stacy rides up on her bike and meets Candace) Stacy: Bango-ru! Candace:(Dejectedly) Bango-ru. Stacy: (Notices Meap, and mistakes it for Candace's Bango-ru) Oh, Candace! Look at it! It's so cute, I could die! Candace: What? Oh no... Meap: Meap! Stacy: And it makes little noises. How did you do that? Candace: Oh well, Phineas and Ferb, you know? Stacy: Oh, they tricked it out for you, cool. Come on, lets go to the convention. (She rides off) Candace: Right behind you. Hmm. Your reign of terror has come to an end Señor Frowwg. (Tosses him into a trash can and then rides off. Meap sees Señor Frowwg and shoots a rainbow death ray from his mouth, defacing Señor Frowwg) Phineas: Okay. I jury-rigged Ferb's old GPS device, to create a cute tracker. It locks on to the cutest thing in the area, so it should lead us right to Meap. Let's see if we can get a signal. (The cute tracker beeps) Got something! Isabella: Oh, that's probably me. Sorry. Phineas: No, it's three miles in that direction. Ferb, why don't you stay here and finish the ship? (Ferb salutes Phineas, and knocks himself in the head with a wrench) Isabella, want to come with me and help me find Meap? Isabella: (Sarcastically) Sure, I still haven't gotten my "You wouldn't know cute if it bit your legs off" accomplishment patch. Phineas: Cool! Let's go. (Isabella growls) (The entire Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. building is covered with carpet) Doofenshmirtz Evil is carpeted! (Perry crawls through Doofenshmirtz's carpet and blasts a hole it in) Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, just in time for your little lesson in static electricity! (A mechanical hand rubs Perry against the carpet, causing him to poof out, then flicks Perry onto a wall, trapping him) Looks like I rubbed you the wrong way, Puffy the Fuzzypus. You might ask; Why the carpet? What is he doing? What is going on? Why is he listing questions I might ask him? Well, I believe the answers are best expressed in back story form. (Scene fades into sepia-tone) Doofenshmirtz: When I was a boy, the smell of pork emanating form me was so bad because of well, (Back in Doofenshmirtz's lair) well the reason's unimportant, it was part of a different emotionally scaring back story. I'm not getting into... regardless the smell of pork was so bad (Flashback) that no one would come near me. So one day the carnival came to town and I needed money because of, (Back in his lair) well another back story that, basically my parents disowned me, I was being raised by ocelots. (Flashback #2) The point is, I had to get a job at the carnival, but the only work was at the dunking booth, and not as the guy who got dunked, I was what they threw to dunk him, which is again a whole other back story. Okay, long back story short, I got a balloon at the carnival, I drew a face on him, I sprayed him with special "Life-Long-Lasting" spray I created, and I named him Balloony. He became my best friend in the whole world, yadda yadda yadda. Then one tragic day, when I was protecting our garden as a lawn gnome, whatever you remember that back story. Balloony started floating away. I tried to reach out and grab him, but... Heinz Doofenshmirtz's father: Bewege sich nicht! (Don't move!) Doofenshmirtz: And I never saw Balloony again. (Flashback ends) He's still out there, somewhere. Not to put to fine a point on it, but I put that Long Lasting spray on him. So he's still out around. And I plan to bring him to me! Balloons, you see, are attracted to static electricity, so I created this. Behold the Static Electro-Amplif-Inator! Keep beholding, keep beholding, beholding, and we're still beholding, and scene. Isabella: La-la-la-la-la-laa-la-la-la Phineas: I keep getting some kind of cute interference... Isabella: It's me! I'm endangering the mission, I shouldn't've come! Phineas: No. Now it's cleared up. I wonder how Ferb is doing. (Ferb in the backyard putting Meap's ship back together) (Song: Quirky Worky Song) (Man) Suitty-up, Bootty-up, Billa-be-do-do-da, (x3) Do-da be-de-da, da-da, da-da-da (Repeat verse over and over, approx. 6 times) (Man) Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka-bicka-bicka Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka, Bom-bicka-bicka-bicka (Ferb gets into Meap's spaceship, and turns it on) Computer: Warp-Drive signature detected. Alien: He he. I have you now. (Song: My Ride From Outer Space) When I light my afterburners, I'm a bullet whizzing by I'm zero-to-60 light-years in the blink of an alien eye I'm in a shaking, baking, staking, smoking, light speed vertical climb If I was going any faster I'd be going back in time Leaving nothing but a vapor trace In my ride from outer space Yeah... (Ferb's spaceship whips past Buford and Baljeet, tearing off all their clothes, except their underwear) Buford: We must never speak of this again. Baljeet: Agreed. I can bang shift through a nebula and slingshot around the sun Don't look no further baby, 'cause you know I'm number one! I'm chopped and flamed and bobbed and filled, you got to trick it out When I burn through your dimension, you'll know what it's all about I can tell, girl, from that look there on your face Ferb: You're digging my ride from outer space. You know you're digging it, baby My ride from outer space (X2) (At the Bango-Ru convention. Bango-Ru (song)) Make a new friend, it's... Bango-Ru Cuddly little bug-eyed... Bango-Ru Fine, battery-powered... Bango-Ru I love you, I love you, I love you Bango-Ru Stacy: This is so weird. Candace: It's like a strange alien world. Stacy: Ooh! Bango-Ru purses! Candace: No way! Let me see! Let me see! Stacy: Look how cute! Candace: I think I saw this on the on the red carpet the other night. (Meap looks at the picture an alien, and see someone who looks like him from behind) Guard 1: What? Hey! Guard 2: I got it. (Picks up Meap) Irresponsible kids. Candace: I'm totally going to have to get some Bango-shoes to go with this! Guard 2: Hey, is this your doll, young lady? Candace: Yeah. Guard 2: We found it abandoned on the floor over there. Candace: Oh, sorry. Guard 2: Your irresponsibility makes our job as security guards a million times harder! Someone could have stolen it. Or tripped over it. Guard 1: That's right. Injuries, lawsuits, stolen property. Guard 2: Even death! Guard 1: Yes, you could have killed me. Guard 2: Me too! Guard 1: We're lucky to be alive. Guard 2: Yeah, you're in big trouble. (Meap fires his rainbow death ray at the guards, leaving them in their underwear) Phineas: The cute signal's getting stronger. Isabella: Phineas...? Phineas: Yes? Isabella: How come you think Meap is so cute. What does that even mean anyway? Cute. Phineas: I can't define cute. I just know it when I pick it up on my cuteness meter. Although, I keep getting this weird cute interference from somewhere. (Ferb pulls up in the spaceship) Phineas: Whoa! Sweet you tricked it out! Isabella and I are hot on Meap's trail, let's bounce. Candace: (Riding her bike) You can't ban me from Bango-Ru conventions for life. I ban myself! (Looks at Meap) What kind of a toy are you anyway? Phineas: (In a thought bubble) It isn't a toy, it's a real live alien spaceship. Candace: That's it! You're not a toy! You're a real live alien. (The spaceship pulls up) Phineas: Hey Candace, you found Meap. Candace: More like he found me. Phineas: Well, his ship's fixed, so he can get back to his family now. (A ray of light envelopes their spacecraft) Isabella: What's happening? Phineas: We're caught in some kind of tractor beam! It's pulling us in! Maybe it's the space authorities. Did we do something wrong? Ferb: Well, it occurs to me that not all of the modifications I made are technically "Street Legal". Candace: What's going on? Wait! Come back! (At Meap) Who was that? (Meap pulls out the photo of an alien) That was your father? But why... (Meap pulls out another photo revealing it to be a mug shot) Meap: Meap! Candace: Oh, it's not your father? It's a mug shot? Oh no! Phineas and Ferb have been abducted by an intergalactic criminal! Meap: (Sadly) Meap. Part II Isabella: Where's he taking us? Phineas: Look! He's headed for that small cloud! Ferb: That's no cloud, that's a space station. Phineas: I got a good feeling about this! (Their craft enters the space station) Alien: Ha, you thought you were clever disguising your ship, but I've got you now ...whoever you are. (The ship opens up revealing Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella) Phineas: Hey look, it's Meap's dad. Alien: Alright, what the heck is going on here? Is this some kind of joke? Phineas: I'm Phineas, that's Isabella, and this is Ferb. Isabella: What's your name? Alien: I am know by many names throughout the universe, well two mainly. Mitch, and some of the guys call me Big Mitch. Anyway, where did you get this ship? Phineas: It's Meap's ship. Mitch: Meap? Phineas: Yep. Mitch: About "yay" high, big eyes... Phineas: The biggest! Mitch: Kinda looks like this? (Mitch shows them a calendar with Meap on it, vandalized with buck teeth, glasses and a speech bubble saying "I smell") Isabella: That's Meap? Phineas: That's Meap! Mitch: That's my mortal enemy. Phineas: Really? He seems like such a nice guy. Mitch: He is; I'm not. You see, I steal rare creatures from their home worlds, and imprison them on my ship. I'm a... Phineas: You're a zookeeper? Mitch: No, that sorta legitimizes it. Umm... Isabella: You're a poacher! Mitch: Yes! I'm a poacher. Isabella: That's wrong! These poor creatures shouldn't be lock up here. Phineas: Yeah, they should be brought back to their homes and set free. Mitch: Oh, really? Maybe I should lock you three up in here as well. Phineas: Nah, that's cool. Tonight's taco night at home. (Candace is in the backyard talking to Meap) Candace: Hi Mom. Phineas and Ferb have been abducted by an evil alien, and I'm here with another alien, who isn't his son, and... How does that sound so far? (Meap blinks) I agree. Craaazey! What are we going to do? (Meap walks off, and returns with one of Phineas and Ferb's baseball launchers) Play catch? Well, if you think it will help. (Meap begins to pull out pictures, in an attempt to explain his plan to Candace. First with Phineas and Ferb) Phineas and Ferb.(Meap pulls out a picture of Mitch) Your father.(Meap pulls out another picture of him) No, right not your father. A bad guy. Say where do you keep all these pictures? Meap: Meap! (Signals for Candace to focus) Candace: Right, stay focus.(Meap next pulls out a picture of the space station) Their in a giant spaceship. But how are we supposed to get up there and save them? (Meap grabs the baseball launcher, and shoots a baseball into the sky) Oh! I get it. Duh. You're trying to tell me something. (Pause) What? (At D.E.I., Doofenshmirtz is getting dressed behind a screen) Doofenshmirtz: So you know when you walk around in socks and rub them across the carpet, you get that little static shock? (He comes out from behind the screen) Behold, the new uniform of pure evil! I call it the socky-shocky-suity. (In Mitch's spacecraft) Phineas: Oh, cool! Mitch: Would you three sit still? You don't get it. You're my prisoners. You should be afraid of me! (Turns his attention to his monitor, showing Meap coming toward him) Ah, like a moth to the flame. (Candace is riding her bike towards Mitch's spacecraft, being kept aloft by the floating baseballs Phineas and Ferb made) Candace: Whoa. I got this situation totally under control. Mitch: (Still looking at his screen) You kids might be of some use to me after- Hey, hey, don't go in there. (Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella leaves through a door) You'll track dirt back into the corridor. Ugh, I'll deal with them later. (Candace and Meap standing inside Mitch's spaceship) Candace: Wow, check this place out. Well, now I know how to find Phineas and Ferb. They'll be where the cool stuff is. (Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella ride an alien into water) Phineas/Ferb/Isabella: WooHoo! Candace: Ca-Ching! Oaky, I'll go in and get them, you stay here. This could get dangerous. (Candace goes in to find Phineas and Ferb, and Meap runs off into another part of the spaceship) Candace: Wow, cool! (Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Candace have fun playing with the aliens) (Meap enters a larger atrium, and finds Mitch) Mitch: So, we meet again. Meap: Meap! Mitch: I agree, it ends here. Oh, and by the way I talked to your little friends, and just so we're clear, I am not your father. (Back at DEI) Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I'm almost done charging up to socky-shocky-suity suit. You know it's the technical side of evil I think people don't really appreciate. There! Now watch as every balloon in the entire Tri-State area is ripped from the hands of children, clowns, and ... clown-children. Hahahaha. (He connects himself with the Static Electro-Amplif-Inator ripping balloon from children, clowns, and clown-children, filling up DEI) Wow, that's a lot of balloons. (The immense static charge pulls Doofenshmirtz and Perry onto the balloons, then the upward force of the balloons, rip the Static-Electro-Amplif-Inator out of DEI and lifts them towards the clouds) Doofenshmirtz: You know on paper, this was the outcome too. (Back at Mitch's spaceship, Meap is about ready to attack Mitch) Meap: Meap! Mitch: Oh yeah? (Doofenshmirtz suddenly bursts through the floor of Mitch's spacecraft) Doofenshmirtz: Oh man, what the... (Seeing Mitch) Oh, Hello. Mitch: We're right in the middle of a showdown, if you don't mind. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Uh, I get it. It looks serious. Nemesis confrontation. One of those "it ends here" kind of things. Whoo-ee Not fun. Okay, well don't mind me, I'm just playing through as they say. (Outside, Perry shoots his grappling hook at the spaceship and detaches himself from the balloons) Doofenshmirtz: You're doing fine, just ignore me. I'll show myself out. (Opens a door) Mitch: No! That's where I keep- Doofenshmirtz: It's you. Balloony. Mitch: Hey! That's the most unique creature in my collection. Collin. My best friend. Doofenshmirtz: What! That's Balloony, my best friend Mitch: No, I found Collin just floating all alone in space. Doofenshmirtz: Well, I actually drew his face! Look, look, I signed it. Mitch: That's a birthmark. Doofenshmirtz: A birthmark! It's a balloon you idiot! "Collin". Come on Balloony, let's scoot. (Balloony remains floating in place) Doofensmirtz: Ba-Balloony? Mitch: Ha. See? Collin is my best friend. Doofenshmirtz: You've changed, Balloony. And I though you were actually back-story worthy. It makes me sick! Well, I don't even need you anymore. Yeah, I've got an even better best friend. He's a really good listener, he even put up with me going on about how great you were! Ha! (Perry finally climbs into the spaceship) It's clear to me now that my real best friend is Perry the Platy—Oof! (Perry knocks him out of the large hole in the bottom of the ship) Doofenshmirtz: Uh, hello? Falling to my doom here! (Perry jumps out to go help him) (Mitch presses a button causing a cage to fall over Meap) Mitch: All too easy. (Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella come out from playing with the aliens) Isabella: That was awesome. Phineas: I knew there was still more cool stuff to do in space. (Evil looking floating robots surround them) Phineas: Uh oh. Isabella: What are they? Phineas: I don't know. (At a robot) Hi. (Robot shoots laser at Phineas) Okay? (The robots suddenly get hit with baseballs, destroying them) Candace: (Holding the baseball launcher) Strike three. They're out. Phineas: Cool! What ever happened to strike two? Candace: Uh... Where's Meap? I told him to wait right here. Phineas: Hmm, I'm having trouble picking up his cute signal. Isabella: Phineas, since you obviously won't figure this out on your own, I think I'm the one causing the cute interference. Phineas: Don't be silly Isabella. I took into account your cuteness, and adjusted the cute-meter settings accordingly from the beginning. See, look what happens when I change it back to normal. (The cute-meter overloads due to an excessively strong cute signal from Isabella) Oops, so much for finding Meap. Isabella: Do you think he's okay? Mitch: No, no I don't. Phineas: Hi Mitch. Meap: Meap! Candace: (Points the Baseball Launcher at Mitch) Get away from him, Mitch! (Mitch laughs evilly, and sends more robots to surround the gang) Mitch:Foolish children, only now do you understand your grave situation. (Candace begins to manipulate a base towards Meap's cage) Mitch: (Makes voice high and squeaky) "Hi, Mitch!" "Look at the cool stuff, Mitch!" "Blah, blah, blah, MITCH!" Phineas: Ha. He totally nailed you, Ferb. Mitch: Silence. I mean seriously, seriously. You're still not getting this. You're all trapped, on my ship forever! Like animals in a cage. Get it? You lost, I won! Candace: (After opening Meap's cage with the baseball) Go, hide. (Meap gets out and shoots the robots with his rainbow death ray, destroying them) Candace: Huh? (Meap begins to do battle with Mitch) Isabella: Whoa. (Meap continues to fight with Mitch) Candace: I... I don't believe it. (Meap finishes off Mitch and ties Mitch's hands behind his back) Mitch: Okay, okay I surrender, you can stop behaving in a way counter intuitive to how you superficially appear. We get it. Hey! Stay away from my universal mustache translator. Ow! MEAP! Meap: Meap! (He puts on the mustache translator) Children, thank you for your help in bringing down this villainous scoundrel. You see, I am an intergalactic security agent who roams the universe, busting people who do stuff they're not supposed to do. Candace: You're like the me of the galaxy. Meap: Exactly. I am pleased to not only have made some true friends, but to have met a kindred spirit as well. Candace: I thought Meap was a helpless little creature. Huh, I guess I learned to never judge a book by its cover again. (Another alien comes into the room) Candace: (Screams) An alien monster! Get to the ship! Meap: Actually that's my mother-in-law, so yeah she's correct. Let's get out of here! (Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella follow) Major Monogram noticed Dr. Doofenshmirtz crying and asked him what was wrong. Dr. Doofenshmirtz told him that the video made him upset that he lost his best friend Balloony and that he would never see him again. Major Monogram told him that this would make him feel better. Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked if he got his best friend Balloony back for him. Major Monogram told him no, but here's video number 8. Narrator: A long time ago in a studio in Burbank, California, a ragtag group of animators made a fake trailer for a Meap sequel they never intended to make. Unfortunately, everyone wanted to see that episode so the animators were forced to write it and incorporate all these seemingly unrelated scenes. (The scene shifts and the aforementioned trailer starts to play) (Phineas, Ferb, and Meap are seen looking up towards the sky, just before a massive mechanical pillar smashes into their backyard. The scene shifts) Mitch: (He is seen with blue orbs of fire in each hand) Hahahahaha! Aren't you a little young to save the universe? Phineas: (The camera zooms in on the Earth from outer space, and Phineas and Ferb are seen equipped with high-tech visors and blasters in front a futuristic steel door) Yes. Yes, I am. (The scene shifts. Meap puts on his pink helmet. The scene shifts. Ferb is holding on to Candace, who is dangling at the edge of an aircraft. Mitch's ship rams into Meap's ship from the side as they speed towards a metropolitan coastline. The scene shifts. Ferb is seen rappelling down into a metal pit. The scene shifts to Perry's lair) Major Monogram: I want your hat on my desk! (Perry throws his chair towards a monitor. The scene shifts to what looks like the inside of Meap's ship) Doofenshmirtz: Balloony! (Balloony is wearing an armoured suit with energy axes) Mitch: Colin! (The scene shifts. Suzy and Meap are engaged in an epic karate duel at a Bango-Ru convention) Candace: What? Jeremy's going to be there! (The scene shifts to a building that looks like the Seattle Space Needle) Meap: Meap! (The scene shifts back to the aerial shot of the Earth) Narrator: I guess the joke was on them. We now present... (dramatically) Meapless in Seattle. (The text fades and the camera pans upwards, then eastward, and finally horizontally downwards, revealing a mechanical antenna in deep space. The antenna is part of a much larger ship is that is in pursuit of Meap's ship. As the two ships navigate their way through an asteroid belt, the antenna breaks. The ships appear to be heading towards Earth. The scene shifts to the living room of the Flynn-Fletcher household) Candace: Ready to go? Stacy: Sure. So you're okay with not, you know, busting your brothers first? Candace: Yeah, I've been spending all my time worrying about Phineas and Ferb. I used to have other things to worry about. Like... (dramatically) What? Jeremy's going to be there! I just need to broaden my anxieties. Stacy: Yeah, I guess if you're going to have an unhealthy mind frame, it might as well benefit me. Now, the mall is waiting. Candace: Yeah, and no more worrying about Phineas and Ferb. I mean, if I did half the things they do, I'd get so... busted. Stacy: Uh-oh. I just lost you, didn't I? Candace: Stacy! If I do what Phineas and Ferb are doing I would get busted, and them along with me. A sacrificial bust! Stacy: I almost got you- Candace: I can take the hint- Stacy: -out the door- Candace: but they'll never see it coming. Stacy: -to the mall. Candace: Muhahahahaha (The scene shifts to the kitchen, where Linda is listening to a language tutorial) French Audio Teacher: Où est la. Linda: Où est la. Candace: (sarcastically) Mom, if you need me, I'll be outside with Phineas and Ferb. And when you get a break from your French lesson, feel free to pop outside and check out what we're doing, okay? Linda: Okay Candace honey. Oh, would you take the garbage out, it's over by the door. Candace: Sure thing, Mom. (Candace walks out into the yard with a garbage bag) Candace: Okay Phineas and Ferb, what are we going to do- (She gets squashed in between two giant pillows, dropping the garbage bag) today? Phineas: Oh, sorry Candace. We're having a giant pillow fight. Candace: Giant pillow fight? Perfect! Move over and give me a try. (She gets into the pilot's chair of one of the giant pillows) Phineas: Sure Candace. Candace: This ought to get mom out here. Phineas: You know who else would love this? Candace: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that. Say where's Perry? Phineas: Well I was going to say Buford, but where is Perry? (The scene shifts to Perry's underground lair) Major Monogram: Morning Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is on the move. We've tracked him to north-western Washington. We need you to get up there and see what he's up to. Oww! Oh! My back! Carl, crack! Carl: Cracking, sir. (Carl proceeds to crack Monogram's back) Major Monogram: By the way, (in an angry tone) I want your hat on my desk! Because it rains a lot in Seattle, and I'd like to spray it with this cool new water-proofing treatment. Which reminds me, we've installed new unbreakable glass in your lair monitor. Go ahead, try it out. (Perry yanks out his chair and throws it at the screen. The chair shatters on impact against the monitor) Hmm, better order that unbreakable chair too, Carl. Perry! (The scene shifts back to the backyard, where Phineas and Ferb are watching Candace control one of the pillows) Candace: Oh, look Mom. We are having so much dangerous fun with these massive pillows. (Meap's ship lands in Phineas and Ferb's backyard, and Meap gets out) Phineas: It's Meap! Meap: Meap! Phineas: What's wrong? Meap: Meap! (Mitch's pod walker appears and nearly crushes Phineas, Ferb, and Meap) Phineas: (He points at the pod walker) Wow! Cool ship. Is that yours? Meap: Meap! Phineas: Say what now? Meap: (Meap puts on translation mustache and clears his throat) RUN! Isabella: (She appears at the entrance) Hi Phineas- Phineas: (He grabs Isabella by the waist and runs out of the yard with Ferb and Meap) RUN! (They reach the front yard) Wait! Candace! Candace: (She is still in the backyard controlling one of the pillow fighting machines, unaware that the pod walker is getting tangled up in its string) Mom?! Come on out and see all the fun we're having! (The pod walker trips and yanks her and the machine to the front yard) AHHHHHH! Linda: (comes out, though she does not notice Meap's spaceship) Okay Candace, what did you want me to see? (The scene shifts to the front yard) Phineas: I'm going back for Candace. (Candace lands on the giant pillows in front of them) Candace: What's going on? Phineas, Ferb, Meap and Isabella: RUN! (Candace screams as the pod walker fires a laser, and Meap loses his mustache in the process. They run towards the backyard) Meap: Meap! Isabella: Oh no Meap! You lost your translation mustache. (In the backyard, they get into Meap's spaceship while Linda stands in front of them, with her back towards the spaceship) French Audio Teacher: The spaceship is right behind you. Le vaisseau spatial est juste derrière vous. Phineas: Hey look, there's Mom! French Audio Teacher: Your children are climbing in the spaceship now. Phineas: Hi Mom! French Audio Teacher: Vos enfants monter maintenant dont vaisseau spatial. Phineas: We're going to outer space! French Audio Teacher: Oh for the love of, would you turn around? Phineas: See ya! French Audio Teacher: Oh pour l'amour de, vous de serait tournez? Linda: Well when is that ever going to come up in conversation? (Meap's spaceship takes off) (The scene shifts to the inside of Meap's ship) Candace: (She is taking a video of herself with her phone) Hi mom, check me out, I'm flying away in an alien spaceship with Phineas and Ferb! I am so busted! Meap's ship's computer: Autopilot engaged. (Meap presses a button, and a second translation mustache pops out of the dashboard. The words "Made in Georgia" are in placard at the bottom) Emergency Translation Mustache activated. Meap: (looks back from the pilot's chair wearing the two piece mustache. He starts speaking in a southern accent) I beg your pardon for all the hustle and bustle kids. It's just that my planet needs your help! Phineas: We'd do anything for you, Meap. Meap: In a rather large nutshell, here's my problem: You see, where I come from cuteness is valued above all else... (There is a ripple dissolve into a flashback of Meap's planet) and the source of our planets cuteness is a very rare element called cutonium. And a very long time ago, back in the days of yore, a gentleman by the name of Zachariah Yore discovered a hidden underground vein of pure cutonium. Yore used this highly concentrated cutonium to turn himself into a being so dag-gum cute that no one could refuse him anything he desired. (Citizens of Meap's planet are taking jewelry and gold from what looks like a treasury and handing it over to Yore) But as we all know, absolute cuteness corrupts absolutely. (Yore turns evil) Yore quickly became a greedy, evil tyrant, who after a great war was eventually removed. Afterwards pure cutonium was deemed too dangerous, (The cutonium is extracted from Yore) and the last of it was gathered up in a special container, and blasted off the planet into deep space. However, a week ago, scientists discovered a long, long dormant trail of cuteness, leading away from our planet in the direction of Earth. (Via a telescope's point of view, a stream of purple matter is shown heading towards Earth. The flashback ends) Children, and Candace, I need your help. Someone else wants to lay his hands on the cutonium, and we have to find it first. Phineas: No problem. Ferb and I can build another cute tracker with these parts. Of course this time we'll have to adjust the settings to ignore Meap's cuteness. (The camera pans right to Isabella frowning) Oh! And yours too Isabella. Isabella: I don't need your charity. So how bad is this guy we're up against? Meap: I think you're already acquainted with the scoundrel in question. (The scene shifts to the Flynn-Fletcher household, where two of Mitch's androids are seen putting Meap's mustache on Mitch) Mitch: Ha, those kids will lead me right to it! Just as I planned! (The two robots give blank stares) What? Wh-what's that look? That was my plan. (The robots look at the destroyed pod walker) Yes, e-even destroying the pod walker was part of was part of the plan! You know, I can deactivate the both of you, and two more just like you will take your place. (The androids clap nervously) That's better. Now let's get after those kids, before they get too far ahead of us. (Mitch's spaceship emerges out of the pod walker and he boards it) He's Mitch, but some people call him Big Mitch (The scene shifts back to Meap's ship) Phineas: I don't get it Meap. Did Big Mitch escape from prison? Meap: Well, we come from a cute based society. By law the harshest judicial sentence we can pass down is a time-out. Phineas: Nice work Ferb. The cute-tracker 2.0 is up and running. Candace: So, where are we headed? Phineas: It says the cutonium is somewhere in... Seattle. Isabella: How will we know when we get to Seattle? (Meap's ship passes a "Welcome to Seattle" signpost and enters a rainy, overcast area) Ferb: We're here. (The scene transitions to the group wearing raincoats in front of some coffee shops in Seattle) Phineas: According to this, the cutonium is buried somewhere around these abandoned coffee houses. Isabella: (Holding her sash) Well, it looks like the Unearthing Ancient Container patch I earned is finally going to come in handy. Candace: Great. Let's find us some cutonium. The sooner we get started, the sooner we get busted. (The group begins to dig up the area surrounding the coffee houses using some high tech equipment. They unearth vases, silverware, jewelry and sewage pipes) Candace: (to her phone) Look Mom. We're digging up the entire north-west United States! You okay with that? (The scene shifts to the inside of one of the coffee shops, where Dr. Doofenshmirtz is reading the newspaper) Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Seattle. My home away from home. And to think, Perry the Platypus has no idea. He's, he's completely clueless about my little excursions up here. Ha, ha. That poor, blind, trusting pla- (Doofenshmirtz puts down his paper and sees Perry outside in the rain, staring at him. He runs to the "Dudes" room, where he sneaks out of the window and grabs an umbrella. However, Perry is outside the window waiting for him) AH! I'm not here! You are not seeing me! (Doofenshmirtz begins to run away, but falls face-first into a ditch) Oh Perry the Platypus, how long have you been... and look at that, it's, it's Peter the Panda, my ex-nemesis, what a coincidence, huh? (Perry turns to Peter, and then looks back at Doofenshmirtz, annoyed) I mean what is he doing here, in Seattle... his... hometown? And look he's got, he's got two coffees, one of which for sure, is not for me... it's not mine... (He moves his hands upwards, and in the process knocks some loose dirt away from the side of the ditch, unearthing the container of cutonium) because mine's right here. Look. See? (He drinks the cutonium) Ugh, ugh, that is not coffee. (As soon as he drinks the cutonium, Doofenshmirtz shrinks and becomes cute. Peter drops the two coffee cups in shock. Doofenshmirtz soon realizes what has happened) That's just great. What kind of a world are we living in, where a guy can't down the contents of a mysterious urn found in a trench, without undergoing major physical transmogrification? Really? (Perry and Peter get out of the way as Mitch swoops down and picks up the container) Mitch: At last the cutonium is, oh- no empty! Doofenshmirtz: Hey! Dude! You're standing on my lab coat! Mitch: (He picks Doofenshmirtz up) Oh-no, no, no, no! Did you actually drink the cutonium? Doofenshmirtz: Oh, is that what that was? I totally cannot recommend it. Mitch: Well, you're cute alright, but you should have become completely irresistible. How homely were you before? Doofenshmirtz: Hey I know you! You're that Mitch guy from space. Put me down you best friend stealer! Mitch: Well I suppose one container of cutonium is as good as any other. (to Doofenshmirtz, who is visibly annoyed) Want to go for a ride? Won't that be fun? Yes it will. (to his robots while pointing at Peter and Perry) Destroy them. Doofenshmirtz: Wow! You're strict. (Peter and Perry fight with two of Mitch's robots) Phineas: (Looking at the cute-tracker 2.0) The cute signal's emanating from over there. And Big Mitch has it! Meap: My word! Something must be done, y'all! Mitch: Soon the whole world will be mine! Doofenshmirtz: If you don't let me down I'l- (Doofenshmirtz is taken from Mitch's hands by Phineas and Ferb's digging equipment. He is brought towards the kids in a pipe) Isabella: (looking at Doofenshmirtz) Oh, he's so cute! Phineas: Yep, he's definitely the source of the signal. Isabella: Let's get to the ship. Candace: (to her phone) Hi mom, check us out! Mitch: To the ship! (They enter the ship) Doofenshmirtz: (as he falls from the pipe into Meap's ship) Woohoo! Whee! Phineas: (No longer wearing his raincoat) Gotcha! (to Meap) Come on, punch it Meap. Let's get out of here! Mitch: Oh no you don't! (Meap's ship begins to fly away, with Mitch's ship hot on its tail. They speed out of Seattle back towards Danville) Phineas: Mitch is gaining! Mitch: I have you right where I want you. (The two ships bump against each other, and Candace almost falls out, but is saved by Ferb) Candace: (to her phone) Hi Mom. Look, I'm in mortal danger! Say hi Ferb. (Ferb waves, and pulls Candace back into Meap's ship. A tractor beam emanating from Mitch's ship stops them from moving any further) Meap: My word! A tractor beam! Hold on children, this ship is jumpin' like a June-bug on a hot chicken! (The ship escapes the tractor beam momentarily, but gets caught in it upside-down in the process. The hatch on Meap's ship opens, and Doofenshmirtz and Meap fall out and plummet to the ground) Meap: Well my little friend, it looks we're about to meet our untimely demise. Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, speak for yourself, I'm going to try to land on you, so you'll break my fall. Part II Meap: My word, we've been fallin' for a long time! Doofenshmirtz: Oh, a joke about the commercial break, yeah, that's how I want to spend my last few seconds. Meap: (He lands on the space needle, and loses his moustache in the process) Meap! Doofenshmirtz: (He is still falling) Oh look, his mustache fell off, and, and I didn't think today could get any weirder! (A large mechanical arm grabs Doofenshmirtz. It is part of a ship, which is being flown by Peter and Perry) Peter and Perry! Doofenshmirtz: Nice try, but the mustache thing was still weirder. (A tractor beam pulls Doofenshmirtz out of the hand's grasp, and into Mitch's ship) Mitch: I'll take that, thank you very much. (Mitch cackles as his ship flies off into space) Meap: (The scene shifts back to Meap, who is still on the Space Needle) Meap! Phineas: (They fly towards the needle with the hatch of their ship open, unaware of Meap on top of the Space Needle) Meap! We lost him. (They see Meap, who promptly gets into the ship) Hop in. Big Mitch grabbed the cutonium. (The hatch of the ship closes) Do you know where he's going? Meap: Meap! (He looks at a glass panel which reads "Backup Emergency Translation Mustache". He breaks the panel, puts the mustache on, and starts speaking in an elderly English accent) He's heading back to my home planet. I must warn them! (speaking into a radio) Red Alert! Red Alert! Mitch has the cutonium, and he's on his way there. You must rally the troops, and head him off at the evil fortress. This is war! Female Meap Operator: Meap? Meap: Do pardon, forgot I have this silly thing on. (He takes off the mustache) Meap! Female Meap Operator: (gasping) Meap! (She hands her notes to the Head of Radio Operations. The scene shifts to a military command room) Head of Radio Operations: Meap! (to the Secretary to the War Council) Meap! Secretary to the War Council: Meap! (whispering to the Lieutenant General of the Meap Army) Meap. Lieutenant General of the Meap Army: Meap! (He hits a red button sounding an alarm) Alarm: Meap! Meap! (Song: To War) We we we we (whee!) Are going to war (We're going to war!) We're going to war (We're going to war!) We we we we (whee!) Are going to war (We're going to war!) We're going to war (We're going to war!) De- de- de- de- de- de- de- Destroy our enemies! La- la- la- la- la- la- la- Let's bring them to their knees! We we we we (whee!) Are going to war (We're going to war!) We're going to war (We're going to war!) We we we we (whee!) Are going to war (We're going to war!) We're going to war (We're going to war!) (Throughout the course of the song, the 'Meap Army' was shown getting ready for war, They assemble outside Mitch's fortress and start to bombard it with artillery shells. The scene shifts to Peter and Perry's ship flying towards the evil fortress. Once they arrive, the two agents melt away a part of the fortress's walls and break in. The scene shifts to Meap's ship, which is also flying towards the evil fortress) Meap: There it is. My home world. Isabella: Meap! Your planet's so cute! Except, I guess, for that evil-looking fortress under that ominous cloud. Meap: Unfortunately, that's where we are going. Candace: So, uh, do we have a plan, or are we just going to go all willy-nilly, and barge into that bad, scary place? Phineas: You know, willy-nilly barging is a plan, of sorts. (The scene shifts to Mitch holding Doofenshmirtz as he enters a chamber inside the fortress) Mitch: Here we are. The extraction chamber. Doofenshmirtz: Seriously? Y-you have an entire chamber reserved just for extracting things? That, that really comes up that often in your life? The extraction of things from other things. Mitch: Look, I don't have to justify my life choices to you. Doofenshmirtz: You know you can drop the whole "bad guy" spiel. (Mitch's robots strap Doofenshmirtz onto a metal panel) I'm actually willingly going along with this, in case you hadn't noticed, but, yeah, okay, you're a bad dude, cool, whatever, I get it. Mitch: (laughing manically while holding blue orbs of fire) When the extraction is over, then you will see just how bad a dude I really a- (The blue fire starts to burn his left hand) AH! Put it out! Put it Out! Put it out! (One of his robots extinguishes the fire with a fire extinguisher) Okay, now that was... embarrassing. I, I'm going up to prepare the machine, while you two finish up here. Personally I hate the smell of extraction. (Mitch leaves) Doofenshmirtz: Wait, what does it smell like? (The scene shifts to Meap's ship parked at a loading bay in Mitch's fortress) Isabella: (She is putting on a pair of boots whilst talking to Meap, who is taking mirrors out of a box) Meap, why are you taking the mirrors? Meap: (He hands her a mirror) Better safe than sorry. Isabella: Okay. Candace: (She is wearing a helmet) I don't know, Phineas. That door looks pretty solid. Are you going to try to hack the locking mechanism, or crack the code sequence? Phineas: (He and Ferb are standing in front of a futuristic steel door equipped with high-tech visors and blasters) Yes, yes I am. I think the sequence is, (he pushes a red button with his blaster and the door promptly opens) push the big red button. (They enter the fortress) (The scene shifts to the cutonium being poured back into the special container) Doofenshmirtz: (Though he is still strapped to the metal panel, he has changed back into his usual form) Back to my old self. That, you know, that wasn't so bad. In fact I rather enjoyed large portions of that process. (Two robots load the container into a pneumatic tube, which sends it to an upper floor) Hmm, extraction. Who knew? (Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus appear at the back of the metal panel) Peter the Panda! And Perry the Platypus! You're working together to rescue me? Oh that's really nice of you. (The two robots notice the agents and begin to advance towards Doofenshmirtz) Uh-oh. Hey guys? A little help here. (Peter and Perry pivot the metal panel upwards, which sends the robots crashing through the wall. More robots start to stream out of hatches in the walls of the chamber) This is some rescue. (Peter, Perry and Doofenshmirtz run away from the robots) (The scene shifts to Mitch walking along a platform towards the centre of a large chamber, where there is a machine waiting for him) Mitch: Yes! My machine is fully charged with cutonium. Meap: (He and the rest of the group are on a balcony overlooking the chamber) Hold it right there, Mitch. Mitch: Meap! How did you get here? Meap: With the help of Team Phineas. (He gestures to the rest of the group) Candace: I never agreed to that name. Mitch: You're too late. (Mitch's head vanishes from the top of his suit. A few seconds later, he reappears at the left foot of his suit as a much smaller, 'Meap sized' alien) Not even you can stop me from becoming the cutest being in the universe. Phineas: I didn't know he could do that. Meap: Neither did I. Mitch: (Mitch, who is standing on an elevated platform, is talking to his suit) Don't just stand there. Get them. (to the group) Boy are you going to get it now, when... (Mitch starts talking to his suit, which is finding it hard to reach the group) No! On your right! The ramp on your right! (Mitch's suit goes down the left ramp) Your other right! Yeah, when he eventually arrives up there you are in big trouble. In the meantime, behold the creation of the most adorable creature in the universe. Me! (Mitch pulls a lever and his machine charges up. A bright, purple light envelopes his body and he floats upwards) Meap: Oh no! He's done it! Whatever you do, don't look upon him in that state. You'll become transfixed by his cuteness and he'll gain complete control over you. (Everybody shields their eyes, except Phineas, whose pupils dilate. Mitch transforms into a floating, caped, cute being and Phineas becomes hypnotized by Mitch's cuteness. He starts looking at Mitch in a transfixed state) Phineas: Awwwww... (The scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz, Perry and Peter running down a corridor away from Mitch's robots. Peter is behind Doofenshmirtz, while Perry is in front of him) Doofenshmirtz: I just realized something about myself; apparently I run faster than a panda bear, but not quite as fast as a platypus. Eh, who knew? You really do learn things about yourself in times of crisis. Wait, wait, turn left up here. That door must be the way out. (They reach a door, which opens to reveal Balloony in an armored suit. Baloony is holding energy axes) Balloony, it's you! Oh boy am I glad to see you. (The robots stop chasing them) Chill guys, Balloony and I go way back. So Balloony it's a good thin- (Balloony swings one of his energy axes at Doofenshmirtz) Well it's been nice catching up, but uh- RUN! (Doofenshmirtz and the agents run away) I think I misjudged his devotion! (The scene shifts to the Meap army, which is still bombarding the entrance of the fort. The door eventually breaks and the army moves in) Meap Army: We we we we (whee!) Are going to war (We're going to war!) (From the platform, Mitch looks down at the Meap army, which instantly becomes hypnotized by his cuteness) (The scene shifts back to the balcony) Phineas: Aww, look at the little guy. What's the fastest way I can transfer all my assets into his name? Candace: (To her phone in a panicked tone) Mom, things look pretty bleak. We may not be back after all. Phineas is in a cute trance. Mitch turned himself really adorable and defeated the entire Meap Army. There's no one left to- Meap: (He takes off his translation mustache) Meap! (Meap grabs a mirror and swings down to the platform to confront Mitch. Meap looks at Mitch through the mirror, so as not to become hypnotized. Then, just as Mitch fires a purple death ray, Meap closes his eyes and fires a rainbow death ray. The two rays meet in the middle) Phineas: Aww, they're blasting away at each other with really cute death rays. (Mitch's suit finally arrives at the balcony and starts to chase Candace, Ferb and Isabella around, while Phineas continues to stare at Meap and Mitch fighting) (The scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz using a shield to deflect the robot's lasers. Peter and Perry have been pinned down by the robots) Doofenshmirtz: Balloony, please help me. Balloony! Oh, don't let me go like I did with you. Balloony, what ever happened to us? (Suddenly, Balloony fights and wipes out nearly all of the robots attacking Doofenshmirtz) Balloony! I knew deep down inside you were still my best friend. Think of all the good times we can have, now that we- (One of the robots which survived Balloony's onslaught fires a laser, popping Balloony) Nooo! (Balloony collapses to his knees, falling into Doofenshmirtz's arms) No. Balloony. Stay with me, I- '(Peter and Perry, who are now free, look at each other and approach Doofenshmirtz, who is holding a deflated Balloony) I'm not going to let you go a second time. Balloony! I can feel my heart... popping. (Meap and Mitch are fighting. Meap retreats and hides behind a pillar, but Mitch suddenly appears behind him. Meap gets thrown back as he becomes hypnotized by Mitch's cuteness. Mitch cackles as Meap lies on the platform. The others are still running away from Mitch's suit, except for Isabella, who kneels down next to Phineas and uses a mirror to look at the platform) Isabella: Oh no! Meap needs our help, Phineas, Phineas! (She drags him down) Come on Phineas, snap out of it! Phineas, Meap is down, he's been out-cuted. (She takes off her helmet and briefly swishes her hair from side to side) What are we gonna do? Phineas? (The camera focuses on Isabella before returning to Phineas, who, for a second, is still in a cute trance. Then, his eyes refocus as he regains control of his senses) Phineas: Is-Isabella. Hey wait a minute, Isabella we've had a secret cute weapon all this time. You! Isabella: Me? Phineas: Don't you see? You can take him. He's only cute on the outside, but your cuteness goes right to your core. Isabella: So what you're saying is, you think I'm cute? Phineas: It's a scientific fact. (He picks up the Cute-tracker 2.0) I had to put an 8000-ohm resistor on the cute-tracker just to keep you from burning it out. (There is a long, awkward pause as Phineas fidgets and pushes buttons on the Cute-tracker 2.0) Isabella: (In a slightly annoyed tone) Close enough. I'm on it. Phineas: You can do it Isabella, just be yourself! (Isabella swings over to Mitch, yelling as she touches down hard on the platform) Isabella: Hey Mitch. (Mitch turns around. Isabella also turns around, though she is surrounded with a pink flashing aura) Whatcha doin'? (The last syllable echoes in the chamber) Mitch: Meap! (He gets thrown backwards towards a wall, discharging his cuteness in the process. He puts on the translation mustache) Ow. (The Meap army regains control of itself, and cheers. Meap walks over to Mitch and puts on the translation mustache) Meap: Children, you did it. You saved not only my planet, but the entire galaxy from Mitch's adorable yet evil plan. (Phineas and Ferb slide down onto the platform) On behalf of my people, I thank you. Phineas: It was our pleasure Meap. Candace: (She slides down onto the platform) And I've got it all right here on my phone. Mitch: (He begins to run away) Meap. Candace: Hey! He's- Oh no! (She searches her pockets, but is forced to throw her phone towards the bay door. It hits a red button, falls to the floor, and breaks. The door slides downward, trapping Mitch as two Meap guards surround him) Oh no you don't! Mitch: (He sighs) Meap. Meap: Good work, Candace. He's going to get a serious time out now. Fifteen, sixteen minutes. (The scene shifts to the front yard of the Flynn-Fletcher household, where the destroyed pod walker is being towed away. In the background, Meap's ship is seen landing) Phineas: Well, it sure is great to be home. (The scene shifts to Meap's ship parked in the backyard) Thanks for the ride Meap. Meap: Friends, I can never thank you enough for helping me save my planet. Phineas: Our pleasure. And I think we all learned a valuable lesson today, but we all know what it is so why waste our time restating it? Isabella: Bye Meap! Meap: Farewell my friends! Phineas: Bye! Isabella: Goodbye! (Meap's ship takes off) Phineas: Bye Meap! (Meap's ship takes off just before Linda walks out) Linda: Candace, I thought I told you to take that garbage out. You are so busted, young lady. Candace: Of...course I am. Phineas: Hey! Where's Perry? (The scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated. Doofenshmirtz has a disheartened look on his face when Perry walks in) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus, I'm sorry there's nothing to foil, I, I'm still down about- (Perry holds up Balloony, who has been patched and fully blown up) Balloony! (An instrumental version of My Wettest Friend starts to play to a montage of Doofenshmirtz and Balloony spending time together) Dr. Doofenshmirtz walked over to Major Monogram smiling holding Ballooney in his hands. Major Monogram: Well I notice that you found your best friend Ballooney. Dr. Doofenshmirtz told Major Monogram that he and Ballooney had a lot of chatting to do. Major Monogram: While Doofenshmirtz is busy with his best friend Ballooney, here's video number 7. Phineas, Ferb, and Baljeet in the backyard, building a superstructure) Phineas: Okay, we finished the superstructure, but what we really need now is a tool that would fuse wood and metal out of a molecular level. Baljeet: Technology like that is twenty years away; you will need a time machine. Luckily, I have been working on a design. I have no field about all the quantum physics yet, but if you give me a couple of days... Phineas: Or we could just use the one at the museum. Baljeet: There is a time machine at the museum? Phineas: Yeah, we took it back to the Mesozoic Era. Baljeet: You got to hang out with dinosaurs? Phineas: Yeah, earlier this summer. (Ferb shows pictures of them with the dinosaurs) Baljeet: Hmm. (sarcastic) Well, thank you for inviting me. Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today. Or I should say, I know what we're gonna do twenty years from today. Isabella: Hey, guys! Watcha doin'? Phineas: We're time-traveling. Isabella: Can I come? Phineas: Why not? Candace: (on the phone) Yes, Stacy. They're building something out there. But I decided the problem is I always drop the gun. So I'm gonna wait 'til just the right moment- Stacy: Hello? Hello? Candace: They're on the move; I'll bust them now! I'll bust them now! (in the museum, riding on the time machine) Phineas: Twenty years forward, and away we go! (disappears) Candace: So that's it! They're time-traveling again! And the best part is they have to return to this exact spot. And I'll be standing right here with mom to bust them when they do. Actually, right over here. I'll be, uh...crushed by the machine if I was standing there. And...I'm talking to nobody. (twenty years after) Phineas: Here we are, twenty years in the future. Isabella, wait. You're the only one we can trust to watch the machine. (leaves) Isabella: (romanticizes) He trusts me... (leans over the lever and transports her in time) Oops! Janitor: (sees it) Yeaah, I hate cleaning that thing anyway. Phineas: Hey, I see the museum finally had that new wing. And would you look how Danville's changed... Hey, mobile homes, flying cars, jet packs... Hey, look at that! That looks like...it is! It's Candace twenty years older! I almost didn't recognize her—she looks so relaxed. And those must be her kids in the yard. Amanda: I can't believe you, Xavier and Fred. You two are so lazy; it's summer vacation and you're wasting it! You guys never do anything! Xavier: Well, I'm sitting under this digital tree. Fred: And I'm sitting next to him. Amanda: (to Future Candace) Do you see your two sons out there doing nothing? They never do anything! Future Candace: Oh honey, don't exaggerate. I wish you would just get along. Your uncles Phineas and Ferb and I were great friends as children. (the backyard door opens automatically) Phineas: The future. (sees Xavier and Fred) Hi guys. Whatcha doin'? Xavier: I'm sitting under this digital tree. Fred: And I'm sitting next to him. Future Candace: (on the phone) Oh Stacy, every job has its problems. But there's gotta be an upside to being president of Uruguay. No, huh. Me? I'm fine, the kids are fine. Xavier and Fred are in the backyard with young Phineas and Ferb. (realizes) YOUNG Phineas and Ferb?! Gotta go, Stacy. Good luck with that llama legislation. (goes outside and peeks over the boys) Xavier: ...and yesterday, I was sitting on the left. Fred: And I was sitting next to him... Xavier: ...on the right. We like to mix it up. Future Candace: It IS them! I bet they traveled here from the past. (climbs up the tree) Ohh, look how cute and... BUSTABLE they look. Wait, isn't this just a digital tree? (falls down) AAH! Xavier: Hey mom. Phineas: Hi, Candace... Future Candace: AAAAAHHH! I'm telling MOM! Phineas: Hey, that reminds me. Where's Perry? (Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Future Doofenshmirtz: I finally got you, Perry the Platypus. The end game is finally he-ere. (plays checkers) Oh wait, I moved one piece. (sees Future Perry sleeping) I'll just put it back. (Future Perry wakes and throws his denture over him) AAAAAH! AAAAHHHH! (Dooby Dooby Doo Bah... Haaahhh... Dooby Dooby Doo Bah...) Phineas: So, what spectacular adventures have you got lined up this summer? Xavier: I'm sitting under this digital tree. Fred: And I'm sitting next to him. Phineas: That's it? But it's summer vacation and you're free to do anything! Xavier: Yeah, but this is the future and everything's already been done. Phineas: The stone age was once the future, as was the Middle Ages. Creativity and inventions never end! There's a whole bunch of stuff you can do this summer. (Bowling for Soup appears) (Song: 2nd Verse of Today is Gonna Be a Great Day) Like Maybe: Crossing the tundra or building a rollercoaster, Skiing down a mountain of beans, Devising a system for remembering everything, Or synchronizing submarines! Racing chariots, taming tiger sharks, constructing a portal to Mars! Building a time machine, stretching a rubber tree, or wailing away on guitars! (Oh, man) This could possibly be the best day ever! (This could possibly be the best day ever) And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better, So make every minute count, jump up, jump in and seize the day, And let's make sure that in every single possible way, Today is gonna be a great day! Phineas: Thanks a lot, guys. Jaret Reddick: No prob, we appreciate the gig. Phineas: (to Xavier and Fred) Bowling for Soup. Ehh, before their time. So, what are you guys gonna make this summer? How about, uh... Bumper cars that move over five dimensions? Xavier: Oh yeah. Okay, we'll do that. Phineas: Fun! We'd love to stay and help, but we've gotta find a wood-and-steel-fusing tool. Xavier: Fred's got one. Fred: I'm sitting on it. Xavier: I'm sitting next to it. Phineas: Fantastic. Thanks guys! Have a good future! (leaves) Xavier: I like that kid. Fred: I like the kid standing next to him! (At Flynn-Fletcher Antiques) Future Candace: Mom, you gotta come with me right now. Future Linda: I can't right now, dear. I'm getting ready for my tour. It's my come back, come back, come back, come back... Future Candace: Mom. Future Linda: ...come back, come back, come back... Future Candace: Are you finished? Future Linda: Wait. Come back tour. Two more come back tours and I get a free pie. Future Candace: (pulls Linda) Come on. (at the museum) Phineas: That's funny. What happened to the... (the time machine appears) Isabella, I thought I said to stay on the time machine. Isabella: I did, it's the time machine that moved. I brought back a woolly mammoth's tusk, a viking helmet, and smallpox. And the vaccine. Phineas: Cool. Let's make like a banana and burn our molecules to the space time continuum. Future Candace: They weren't at my house so they must be here. Future Linda: Honey, I can't move as fast as I used to. Future Candace: There! No, wait... (time machine disappears) Too late. Mom! Future Linda: I always loved this old bone. Future Candace: Mom! You never saw them and you still never see them! It's unfair, it's unfair, it's unfair! Future Linda: Candace, you're a grown woman. I really thought you had finally moved past all this nonsense. (back at the PRESENT) Candace: Come on, mom. Hurry! Linda: This is great Candace, really. But I have lots to do today. Candace: Here, see? The time machine is gone! Mom? (the time machine appears) Phineas: Oh hi, Candace. Candace: Mom! Mom! Linda: Look, Candace. They're putting a new bone on display. Candace: Oh, you missed it again! Phineas: Hi, mom! Linda: Oh hi, boys. Phineas: Wow, imagine the size of the creature that bone came from. Linda: I know, huh? (to Mesozoic Era, shows a dinosaur with that large bone as a foot get crushed) Candace: No, can't you see? They're time-traveling! Linda: This obsession with the boys has gone on too long. You need to stop. (walks away) Candace: I won't stop, never, never, never! (FUTURE) Future Candace: I was so close to busting them. (a time machine with Professor Onassis appears) Professor Onassis: Great Bertha's bloomers, I've done it! I, Professor Onassis, have invented a time machine! Excuse me, future female of the species, have corn dogs been invented yet? Future Candace: Yes. Professor Onassis: Hot dog. I'm stayin'. Amanda: (on the phone) Okay, so Sharron's internet feed conks out right in the middle of math class. Wait, my mom's calling. Hi, mom. What's the fuzz? Future Candace: Amanda, I'm taking a short trip today. While I'm away, you're in charge. Amanda: (to the boys) I'm in charge! Wait, what are you doing? Fred: Nothing! Amanda: I knew it! You never do anything! (in the time machine) Future Candace: Now where do I go? More importantly when? I know, I'll set it for a day I know I can bust the boys. Back to the first day of that summer. The day they built the rollercoaster. (disappears) Future Janitor: (sees it) Sometimes it's here, sometimes it's not. What do I care? (The Day of the Rollercoaster) Pedro: Phineas and Ferb got a rollercoaster? Think we could get a discount if we bring the flier? Kid 2: Maybe we better take it. (They take the poster just before Candace and Linda arrive) Past Candace: There! Look, look, look, see? I told you I'm not crazy! I told you! Past Linda: And you're not crazy because...? Past Candace: (looks at the post where the poster was) AAAAAHHH! Future Candace: The poster's missing, right? Follow me. (drags Linda out) (Outside...) Past Linda: (sees the coaster) OH MY STARS! Phineas and Ferb made THAT?! It's horribly unsafe and dangerous! (on the phone) Hello, police?! Fire department?! Army?! Air force?! Marines?! ANYONE?! Save my sons! Past Doofenshmirtz: It's no use! It's no use; we are doooooomed! (on the helicopter) Intercom: This is Base to Chopper One, some kids built a rollercoaster through downtown. Pilot: It's be—Roger that. (the helicopter leaves, making Perry unable to aim his grapnel on it) (the tin foil destroys the building, bringing Perry with it) Past Doofenshmirtz: (jumps to safety) I'm ALIVE! Intercom: Roger, got the kids, bringing 'em down now. Past Linda: Phineas, Ferb! You two are in SO much trouble! Past Candace: Yes! Yes! Future Candace: My work here is done. (at the time machine) Back to the future. (disappears) Janitor: (sees it) First day on the job, and I'm already seeing things. (goes to the BAD FUTURE) Future Candace: (becoming the BAD FUTURE Candace) Oh thank goodness, it's great to be back... Home? (sees the strange future) Welcome to Danville? (looks around) Uh-oh. Part 2 BAD Future Candace: I can't believe this is Danville. Hello? What happened to the museum? Man: Didn't you get the new ShmirtzMail? It's the new doofen-law. Law number six million and seven: "All museums that aren't about Doofenshmirtz are to be dismantled." Hey, why aren't you wearing your lab coat? Bad Future Candace: Uhh, I've gotta go see my children. (leaves) Man: Children? There are no children allowed anymore. Bad Future Candace: How long have I been away? That's strange. Joe's, Joe's, Joe's, Joe's... Joe #1: Hi Joe. Joe #2: Hello, Joe. Joe #3: (to Bad Future Candace) Pardon me, Joe. You haven't seen my wife Joe, or my friends Joe and Joe? Bad Future Candace: Uhh, no? Joe #3: Thanks anyway, Joe. Bad Future Candace: Why is everyone named Joe? Joe #4: (laughs) Why else? So Emperor Doofenshmirtz need not bother remembering names. Bad Future Candace: And who is...? Joe #4: (Gasps) I said too much. I said too much! AAAAHHH! Bad Future Candace: Who the heck is Doofenshmirtz?! (goes to a library) That's odd. I've got to find out what happened in the last twenty years. (activates a hologram projector) Voice: Our glorious dystrophy began one summer afternoon when two local boys were caught building and riding a dangerous rollercoaster. The rightful reaction by concerned parents groups was to stop all creativity in young people before someone got hurt. Everything fun and unique was gleefully banned! Dangerous swing sets were re-made into dismal hospital beds. Coloring books were colored in ahead of time. And inside the lines. Eventually children themselves were child-proof and stored away until adulthood. Yes, oppressive beauty and happiness were gratefully replaced by the glimmering cesspool we wallow in today. A demoralized Tri-State Area cried out to be oppressed, and that cry was answered by one hero... (Bad Future Doofenshmirtz appears on the hologram, laughing evilly) ...Emperor Doofenshmirtz! Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: (on hologram) Aagh, get back to work! Bad Future Candace: So this is all my fault! I've got to stop this. Librarian: Excuse me, Joe. Lab coat must be worn at all times. (Bad Future Candace runs out, passing an Evil Doofenshmirtz statue) Joe #5: Sir, a woman just ran past your statue there without basking in your awful glory. Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: Aagh, come on. You're such a tattletale. Joe #5: Well, yeah. It's my job description; a tattletale. Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: Quiet! I need to address the populous. Attention, underlings! People often ask me: "Doof, how does it feel to wield such absolute power?" Well I tell ya. (Song: Charmed Life) It's been a charmed life, Got all I ever wanted, And I'm not too shy to flaunt it, you see! It's been a sweet ride, Everyone is genuflectin' And erecting giant statues of me! It's like a great lunch with all you can eat, And I can leave my wallet at home, And everyone pays for me, Because it's compulsory, Or into the stockade they're thrown, Still, I'm a nice guy, How many emperors would always remember your name? How ya doing, Joe? I must admit, I May take quite a lot, But I'll always give you plenty of blame, It's been a sweet ride, Life's a bowl of cherries, and nobody's merrier than me, Because, everyone else is a proletariat, And baby, I'm the bourgeoisie, Look it up, Joe! Baby, I'm the bourgeoisie! Oh, yeah! (headquarters) Bad Future Major Monogram: Agent P, another failed mission. It's gotten really hard to defeat Doofenshmirtz ever since we swore that oath to obey him. Bad Future Carl: Major Monogram, I've detected a temporal anomaly in quadrant four which means a time machine was recently used there. Bad Future Major Monogram: That's it! Agent P, you've got to get to that time machine and go back to the past, right before that giant tin foil ball put you in a full body cast for eighteen months. That's when Doofenshmirtz got the upper hand and it's been downhill ever since. This is our chance to fix it. (Bad Future Doofenshmirtz appears on the screen) Bad Future Doofenshmirtz: Oh wait, Perry the Platypus. Change of plans; instead of doing that, DON'T. All right, see you later. Remember the oath! (Bad Future Perry loses hope) Bad Future Major Monogram: Curse that oath! (at the abandoned museum) Bad Future Candace: What? Where's that time machine? Excuse me, where's everything from the museum? Joe #6: It's all in the city dump, Joe. Let's go. (leaves) (Bad Future Candace goes to the city dump and sees the time machine, still in one piece) Bad Future Candace: (removes the stuff above the machine) Back to the past, back to the past, back to the past! (disappears) (On the day of the FUTURE ROLLERCOASTER) (Bad Future Candace leaves the time machine) Man: Looks like this good a spot to start a dump. Man #2: Yeah, works for me. (Bad Future Candace stops Future Candace from going inside the market) Future Candace: W-Wha? A-Are you me? But I have to bu... Bad Future Candace: Change of plans! Come on, I'll explain later. We can't let Candace see us. (Pulls Future Candace into a parking lot) Future Candace: But I'M Candace! Bad Future Candace: So am I. Past Candace: (sees the rollercoaster) Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Mom? Mom?! (runs off) Bad Future and Future Candace: Ohh, I was so cute. Future Candace: Why did you stop me? I was just about to bust the boys! Bad Future Candace: Well, that's just it. I'm from the future where we DID bust the boys. Future Candace: Really? How was it? Was it great? Bad Future Candace: No, it was awful. The future gets all messed up. Oh look! (they see the helicopter carries the entire rollercoaster) Bad Future and Future Candace: So that's how it happened. Bad Future Candace: Get down! Past Candace: Look, look, look! See?! Past Linda: (pause) Okay, I give up. What am I supposed to be looking at? Past Candace: (sees no rollercoaster) No! It's not possible! Past Linda: I'm gonna go get the cart. Past Candace: It was right here, and it was HUGE! (sees the rollercoaster fly away) Mom! Future Candace: Wow, the future sounds so horrible! Bad Future Candace: It was, trust me. Future Candace: Okay, but coming from anybody but myself, I wouldn't listen. Bad Future Candace: They're gone! Let's get back to the time machine and get out of here. (they both go to the time machine which was just rolled over by the giant tin foil) Past Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Future Candace: Okay, that was weird. Bad Future Candace: Now when the machine is shot, how do we get back? Bad Future and Future Candace: Phineas and Ferb. (at the Flynn Fletcher house) Past Linda: Okay, we're here. Are you happy now, Candace? Past Candace: (goes at the backyard) See Mom, I told you they weren't there! (Candace opens the gate and gestures toward the tree with her eyes closed. Linda pokes her head through the gate opening and sees the boys) Past Linda: Oh hi, boys. (At this point, Candace opens her eyes and her mood changes to shock) Past Phineas: Hi, Mom. Past Linda: Come on Candace, help me with the groceries. Past Candace: But-but-but-but-but-but-but-but... (continues) Past Linda: Let's go. (pulls her away) Kid #1: Hey Phineas, that was great. Kid #2: Way too cool. Kid #3: That was awesome! Can we do it again? Past Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer. (Bad Future and Future Candace arrive) Past Isabella: That was great, Phineas. Bad Future Candace: Oh, wait, wait, wait. Remember? Three, two, one. (the railcar on top of the tree explodes) (the two Candaces laugh) Past Phineas: Wait, Candace! You're grown up, and there's two of you! Future Candace: Phineas, we're from the future—two alternative futures. One that's good... Bad Future Candace: ...and one that's terrible. Past Phineas: Someone should really fix that. Bad Future and Future Candace: We did. Past Phineas: So the bad future no longer exists? Bad Future and Future Candace: Right. Past Phineas: Well if it doesn't exist, shouldn't Candace from the bad future cease to exist too? Bad Future Candace: Oh darn. (disappears) Future Candace: Guys, I need your help. The time machine I arrived in is smashed to pieces. I'm stuck here unless you guys can build me one. Past Phineas: Ferb, isn't there an old time machine in the Museum of National History? Future Candace: Yes, that's what you'll fix later this summer when we go to the museum. It's the one I took back from the future but now it's destroyed. Past Phineas: Okay. So the future time machine gets destroyed, that means the one here in the present is rarin' to go! We'll fix it, take you to the future, bring back the time machine, and we'll unfix it again. So we'll be ready to fix it when we go to the museum again. Future Candace: Phineas, I'm a fully grown woman and I didn't understand any of that. Past Phineas: Just trust me. Come on! (drags Future Candace) Past Isabella: Wow, rollercoaster ride, and now this. Bonus. Past Candace: (sees them gone) Wait a minute. (in the museum) Future Candace: Are you sure you can fix this time machine? Past Phineas: Don't worry, Candace. We're almost done. Past Candace: (hiding) Candace? Time machine? (approaches Future Candace) A-ha! Past Phineas: Candace, meet Candace. Past Candace: Awesome! I finally have proof! I'll take my older self, bring her to mom, mom will see the boys have invented some kind of time machine, and they'll be busted! Oh I love you, me! Come on, let's go! Let's get see mom! Come on! (laughs frantically as she tries to pull Future Candace) Future Candace: Wow. Was I always this nuts? Candace, honey, get a hold of yourself. I have no interest in busting the boys anymore. Past Candace: What?! But you're me! You have to want to bust them 'cause I'm never gonna stop wanting to bust them! Future Candace: You know, sometimes getting what you want isn't what you need. You'll find out as you mature. Past Phineas: Ready? Past Candace: (mimics Future Candace) "You'll find out as you mature". Future Candace: Candace, just relax. Everything works out. Past Phineas: Twenty years into the future, here we come! Past Candace: Ugh...! (climbs up on the time machine as it disappears)br / (to the FUTURE) Past Candace: A-ha! If you won't show my mom what's going on, I'll show your mom! I'm all the proof I need! Future Candace: Candace! Past Phineas: We better go and get her. You know, that space time continuum thing. Past Candace: Mom has an antique store. Yes, it's still here! (the door opens automatically) Wow, future. Mom! It's me, Candace from the past! I came here from the time machine that Phineas and Ferb borrowed from the museum. You gotta bust them! Future Linda: Honey, what are you talking... Candace! You're so young! Past Candace: Mom! You're so ooollll... Future Linda: Don't say it. Past Candace: ...lllllllddd... Future Linda: You don't have to say that word. Past Candace: ...ddddd. Future Linda: I mean it! (Phineas, Ferb and Isabella entered) Past Phineas: Mom! You're so old! Future Linda: (sighs) Hi boys. Aren't you a little young to be time-travelers? Past Phineas: Yes, yes we are. Future Linda: A time machine, huh? Does this mean that all those times you told me the boys were up to something, they really were? Past Candace: Yes, yes, yes! Future Linda: Oh, honey. I am so sorry I didn't believe you. Past Candace: Woohoo! I finally caught them! (silence) Hellooo? Future Linda: What? Past Candace: Aren't you going to bust them? Future Linda: Candace, my Phineas and Ferb are thirty years old now. Well, I suppose I could call them, but Phineas is in Switzerland for the award ceremony and Ferb is in Camp David for... Past Candace: Bust them. Young Phineas and Ferb! Future Linda: I don't think I have jurisdiction on these guys anymore. Past Candace: Grrrrr... (sighs) Okay, but officially, on record, they are busted. Right? Future Linda: Sure, Candace. They're busted. Past Candace: Yes! (at the museum) Future Candace: Guys, we see how time travel can mess things up big time. So promise me you won't go to the future again. Past Phineas: Yeah, maybe it is a bad idea. Just think: It all started because we needed that steel-and-wood fusing tool. (Isabella leaves) Past Phineas: Hey Candace, you never told us. How do Ferb and I turned out? Future Candace: Fantastic. Just keep doing what you're doing and be nice to your sister. Past Candace: Yeah, be nice to your sister. (the time machine appears with Isabella) Past Isabella: Are you guys coming or what? (drinks soda) Past Candace: Where'd you get that? Amanda: So that's Uncle Phineas and Ferb as kids? Future Candace: That's right. Amanda: And that girl looks like Aunt Isabella. Past Isabella: Did you hear that? Aunt Isabella! That means I'm gonna marry Phineas. Past Candace: Or Ferb. (Isabella turns blank in shock as Ferb winks) Past Phineas: Let's go. Future Candace, Linda and Amanda: Bye! Future Candace: Looks like everything is back to normal. Amanda: Wow mom, your brothers are so cool. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with... Hey! Where'd they go? (Xavier and Fred appear with their bump cars) Amanda: Xavier and Fred, what are you doing? Xavier: Nothing? Amanda: See Mom? They never do anything! Future Candace: Give it a rest, Amanda. Future Linda: Ah, memories. Future Candace: I know, huh? (to the PRESENT) Past Candace: Oh man! In twenty years you guys are so busted! I guess that's a hollow victory... But it proves that you can be busted, so I'm never gonna give up! Never, never, never! Did I say, "Never?!" Oh, yes I did! Never, never, never! Never! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! (runs off) Past Ferb: Well, at least we know she mellows with age. Dr. Doofenshmirtz walks over to Major Monogram holding a mirror in his hands. Dr. Doofenshmirtz told him that he could not believe how old he looked in the video and said, "I didn't look handsome at all!" Major Monogram: Well if you want to see yourself handsome here's video number 6. Phineas: It's coming! (Cuts to the hallway. Ferb, Phineas, Isabella and Baljeet run pass, screaming) Isabella: AAAAHHHHH! We're doomed! Baljeet: The prophecy has come true! (He then trips on a lamp cord) Phineas: We are about to pay for our over-consumption! (Buford appears dressed as a robot) Buford: You created me, Garbage-zilla! And now, puny humans, Prepare to be trashed! (trips and makes a loud noise) Whoa, whoa! Candace: Knock it off! Linda: Candace, I don't know what you kids are doing, but I'm taking an online knitting test in a few minutes, and I need it to be quiet around here. (sarcastic tone) You might not remember quiet. I'm not sure you two ever met. Anyway I'm putting you on noise patrol. You're in charge. Candace: I'm in charge? Woo-hoo! Yeah! Linda: Use a muffler. (leaves) Candace: (She grabs and puts a cushion over her face.) Oh, yeah. Woo-ho! Buford: This time I want an air siren, and tap shoes. Candace: Phineas, Ferb, Mom put me on noise patrol while she's taking an online test. She needs it to be... (loudly) ABSOLUTELY QUIET! Linda: (from upstairs) Candace, I'm trying to concentrate! (going back to her computer) Now let's see: "What's the first ingredient in knitting a garment?" Oh, I know that, it's love. (types it down, only to get the wrong answer) What do you mean, "wool"? Candace: You heard her, right? No noise. I want you silent, and invisible. Got it? (leaves) Buford: Silent and invisible!? What am I? A ninja? Phineas: That's it! Gang, I know what we're gonna do today! (pause) Speaking of silent and invisible, where's Perry? (Scene changes to Perry's lair) Major Monogram: Agent P, we have a crisis. The Agency was going through Dr. Doofenshmirtz's trash this week when we found this. (shows a magazine with doodled on cover) Defaced magazine cover. Shameful! There were hundreds of similary defaced photos of good looking men, (shows a magizine of him on the cover with a devil face drawn onto it) including this handsom devil gracing the cover of Covert Lifestyles. My interest in this incident is purely professional, but put a stop to it! Dooby dooby do-wa (x2) Perry! Major Monogram: (sobbing) Wh-hy? WH-H-H-HY? Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! (Perry flies into the lair but gets caught in a mechanical apple) Doofenshmirtz: Hold on, Perry the Platypus, I'm just getting the mail. Oh, goody! It's my order from the Power Tool and Sleleton Key Warehouse. I was wondering when this was gonna - OH! Look! At! This! Every week, the mailman makes the same mistake and I end up getting my neighbor's HS Weekly. Here, hold this, Perry the Platypus, I need to rant. (puts mail in front of Perry) I hate all these good-looking models on the cover of Handsome and Symmetrical Magazine, mocking me with their manly perfection. Their perfect hair, their perfect skin, I hate it! And this, is why I created...the De-Handsome-inator! Soon, all these good looking faces will be hideous! (Perry, free, punches him) Ow! Wait, did you use the skeleton key or was it the power tools? (Perry starts taking wires out of the De-Handsome-inator) Doofenshmirtz: Just for that, I'm not gonna tell you why the apple - (Doof unwittingly slams the De-Handsome-nator's switch, setting it to "Not". The inator zaps him, making his face look like a handsome hunk) Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, you know, I don't have the energy for this. It's still early, do you wanna go grab some lunch? Come on. I skipped breakfast this morning. (he and Perry walk out) You like eggs? (Back to the backyard, the kids are wearing ninja outfits) Phineas: Okay, gang, Ferb and I made these ninja outfits using smart garment technology. Once they're switched on, the outfits are designed to hide the wearer from anyone who's not wearing the suit. (Candace walks out) Candace: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I smell noise! Is that what the black pajamas are for? You gonna have a noise party? Phineas: Actually, it's the opposite. We're ninjas. Ninjas are renowned for their quiet and concealment. We made an outfit for you, too. (points to a ninja outfit for Candace) Buford: You should put it on. Take it from me. Black is slimming. Candace: No, thanks. Phineas: That's okay. We'll leave it here for you in case you change your mind. (at his friends) All right, ninjas! Let's turn on our outfits! (Everyone presses a switch on their suits, they are suddenly behind Candace) Candace: Hey! Where'd everyone go? (turns around several times, but the kids keep sneaking automatically out of her sight) That's so weird. Huh. Oh, I'll find them. (goes inside) Buford: That was cool! I didn't have to do anything! The outfit did all the work! Whoa Phineas, which way are you facing? Phineas: Good question. (Phineas turns his eyes to the other side of his head) Phineas: Left. (Inside...) Candace: Stupid, stealthy ninjas! (slams door) (In Linda's room) Linda: Candace, keep it down! (at her test) "What do you call a clever knitter?" (pause) I know! A knit wit! Heh! Is there anything better than knitting humor? (Doofenshmirtz is walking down the street) Doofenshmirtz: I need to stop at the bank, I-I don't have any cash. (people start to notice him) Woman 1: Ah... (faints) Man 1: (opens bank door for Doofenshmirtz) It's an honor, sir! A real honor! I can't wait to tell my wife! Woman 2: Ooh, are you famous? You look like a model, are you an actor? You go first, I can wait! Man 2: Please, I'm just getting some cash to pay medicine for my kids. Doofenshmirtz: (at the bank teller) Yes, uh, hello. I just need to make a withdrawal from my account, please. Bank teller: (gives him money bags) Here, take this. It's on us. Doofenshmirtz: No, no. J-just enough for lunch. (At the Bistro restaurant) Waitress: Sparkling sider? Water: Scrambled eggs? That's real lobster in there. Photographer: Preserve the moment! (takes his picture) Doofenshmirtz: Can you believe the service in this place, Perry the Platypus? Photographer: Here you go! All framed. (gives him the picture takes Doofenshmirtz: Hey, ah, thank you! Eh - (sees his picture) Heh heh, see, this isn't me. This is just the superhumanly attractive male model that came with the frame. I mean, look at this guy, right? That's funny, he's wearing a lab coat just like me - (Perry holds up a mirror) Uhhhh?! Oh, this is horrible! I can't be handsome! It's - it's everything I despise! Don't you understand? Beautiful people, they - they just get everything they want in the world. I mean, watch this. Hey, lady, nice baby. Woman 3: You want him? He likes you better. Doofenshmirtz: No, I don't want your baby. (at Perry) You see, Perry the Platypus, the unfair advantage good-looking people have? (becomes conceited) Heeeey?! (at a man) If I ran for Mayor, would you vote for me? Man 3: Over and over again. Man 4: No, elections are for ugly people. I'm sure they'd just give him the mayorship. Doofenshmirtz: Ya think? Policeman: Sure, you've already got a sizeable mob, and I bet we could pick up a couple thousand more on the way. Doofenshmirtz: Well, okay, then! On to City Hall! (the townsfolk cheer, Perry worries, then walks off) (Back to the Flynn Fletcher household. Candace sits down with a bag of chips and begins to turn on the TV when the kids pop out) Candace: My busting sense is tingling... (the kids disappear) Candace: There's something Phineas and Ferb going on here... (the kids are posing in the hallway) Candace: Phineas? (the kids hide) Candace: Ferb? (opens the door to Phineas and Ferb's room) You in here? (closes door) (the kids hide) Candace: Phineas? Ferb! (opens another door) (the kids appear, but the door closes and they hide) Candace: Phineas! Phineas! (the kids peek again) Candace: I know you're here! Linda: (opens the door to her room) And the whole Tri-State Area knows you're here, Candace! Again. could you please keep it down? (closes door) Phineas: (quietly, behind Candace) I tried to tell you before. Candace: (turns around) Aha! (sees no one, constantly turns around) Uh...uh... Phineas: You'll never be able to see us, unless you wear a ninja outfit yourself. Candace: Oh, I'll wear a ninja outfit, all right! Then, I'll bust the whole lot of you. (walks off, Phineas is on her back) (Doofenshmirtz is walking down the streets, looking smart and handsome himself) (Song: I'm Handsome) Doofenshmirtz: My jaw is rugged My hair is wavy My eyes they twinkle and shine I used to be mashed potatoes Now I'm the gravy Nobody else is quite this fine I'm the face I'm a real ace Nobody's visual appeal is stronger I'm the very definition of masculine grace Take a picture, it'll last you longer 'Cause I'm handsome! I'm so good lookin' I'm easy on the eyes Don't you know that I'm handsome? (handsome) I got chiseled features Try not to look surprised When you see that I'm handsome! I'm a real Adonis I'm the best you ever saw I'm handsome I'm a tall drink of water Somebody better grab a straw 'Cause I'm handsome! (handsome) Man 5: My company wants to give you a life time supply of our distinctive hand mirrors. Doofenshmirtz: Send them over. (he's handsome) Don't you know that I'm handsome? (handsome) Woman 4: I'm gonna name all my children after you even though they're already in college. Doofenshmirtz: Nice! (he's handsome) Can't you see that I'm handsome? (handsome/he's handsome) Get in line ladies! (he's handsome) 'Cause I'm handsome! (handsome/he's handsome) I'm a total catch, really (he's handsome) I'm quite fetching (fetching/handsome) It's a word, it is! (he's handsome) It means that I'm handsome! (At City Hall...) Roger: Well, well, well Heinz. At the age of 47, you've finally grown into your looks! Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Yes, I have. Roger: In fact, it would be our pleasure to suspend democracy and make you our Supreme Leader. (crowd cheers) Roger: Do you have any questions, yo-o-o-ou handsome devil? Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, how is my hair? (crowd laughs) Woman 5: He's handsome and funny! (Perry goes to D.E.I. and pushes the De-Handsome-inator to the balcony, setting it to "Ugly". He tries to aim it, but a hot air balloon in the shape of Doofenshmirtz's head blocks the way. Several other hot air balloons float up, in one of them is a couple) Woman 6: This'll be the perfect place to watch the coranation! Man 6: I can't believe how fast they mass produced these commemorative hot air balloons. (Perry is worried, the doorbell rings) Delivery man: Hand mirror delivery! (Back to the backyard, Candace is putting on her ninja outfit) Candace: (singsong) Phineas? Come out, come out, wherever you are! (Candace puts her ninja mask on, the kids come out of hiding) Candace: Okay, you guys are so busted, and I hace the evidence right here on my body. (runs off) Woo hoo! Mom! Mom! Buford: I knew she'd come back for the slimming. (in Linda's room) Candace: Okay, I know you're super busy and all, but you have just got to see what Phineas and Ferb made. I'm wearing it. Linda: Candace, this test is time sensitive! Candace: Just one second! Linda: Oh, all right. (turns around, Candace is gone) What? Where'd you go? Candace: I'm right here, on the ceiling. Linda: (looks up, Candace disappears) What? Candace: I'm right here, under the rug! Linda: (looks down, Candace disappears again) Young lady... Candace: Heh, now, I'm on the shelf. Linda: I don't know how you're throwing your voice and I understand that you want attention, but I'm really, really busy. Candace: It's the outfit! (takes mask off) It won't let you see me. Linda: But, it apparently has no qualms about letting me hear you. Candace: (takes entire suit off) Mom, here it is! Mom! (closes eyes) Linda: All right, Candace... (turns around, the suit bounces out of Candace's arms) What am I looking at? Candace: (gasps) Buford: These outfits were fun! Isabella: I've never moved so fast! Baljeet: Oh! That was quite a workout. (Candace's suit peeks out from behind the tree) Phineas: Hey! It's Candace's ninja outfit! It's hiding! She must've left it switched on. (turns off the suit) (Roger is ready to crown Doofenshmirtz) Roger: And now, I finally pronounce you... (Perry chatters) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus, I'm so glad you're here to see this. (Perry holds up a remote) Doofenshmirtz: What's that? My inator remote? You're wasting your time. There's no way you'll get a clear line of fire from my place to here, what with all hose commemorative hot air balloons in the way. How do they mass produce those so fast? (Perry presses the remote, the De-Handsome-inator fires the hand mirror attached to the back of one of the balloons, another off a mailbox, a third off a building, off a pack of cars, off another mirror carried by a pigeon, and through the crowd until it finally hits Doofenshmirtz, reverting him to his old, ugly self) Roger: Ew. (everyone groans) Man 7: He suddenly looks so...unqualified. Policeman: Please disperse, nothing handsome to see here. Woman 7: Hey, let's go look at fashion magazines! Woman 8: Yeah, that sounds great. (everyone leaves) (Back in the backyard, the kids have taken their suits off and they're folded) Phineas: ...And they fold down to almost nothing. Candace: (from her window) Phineas, do not go anywhere. (walks into Linda's room) The ninja outfits, they're still there! Hurry! Wait till you see this. (drags Linda on her chair with her outside) Phineas: ...By pressing the "on "button, the outfits put themselves away. (all the kids press the "on" button on their suits, the suits put themselves away by flipping away from outer sight, just as Candace pushes Linda out) Candace: There! Bust them! (closes eyes) Linda: Oh, hi kids. I wanna thank you for being so quiet all afternoon. (at Candace) Unlike...someone I know! Candace: But...but but... Phineas: Hey Mom, how your test go? Linda: (flatly) Well, lucky for Candace, I just passed. (enthuastic) Anyone for pie? All but Ferb: (jump for joy) Me! Linda: (in a stern tone) Mush, Candace. (Candace pushes Linda away, sighing) (Back at Town Hall...) Roger: So sorry. It looks like your small window of fleeting beauty is now gone. (leaves) Doofenshmirtz: I don't understand! How - how is is possible? Uh - you did this, Perry the Platypus! (He fires a ray but Perry blocks it with another hand mirror, causing the ray to go in the reverse order of the firing tree right back to the De-Handsome-inator, causing its switch to slide to "Not" as it explodes, releasing one final ray) (In the backyard...) Phineas: Coming, bro? (the final ray is seen flashing by them) Ferb: D'you ever notice in a certain light Buford looks...handsome? (Both turn to Buford, who has a handsome face like Doofenshmirtz's from before) Buford: It's a blessing, and a curse. Dr. Doofenshmirtz: In Video number 7 I look so much better than in video number 6. Major Monogram: I'm glad to hear that after video number 5 our 4 agents are going to vote which one is their favorite episode they have seen so far. Major Monogram asked Carl if the 4 agents were here yet. Carl: They just took their seats sir. Carl pointed to a desk where the four agents were seated. Perry the Platypus, Peter the Panda, a dog wearing a fedora and Herman the Hedgehog. Major Monogram: Here's video number 5. (Cut to the house. Lawrence is wearing a pleather jumpsuit and puts on his helmet.) Lawrence: Linda, darling, it's starting! (Cut to the announcer's booth.) Nigel: Coming to you, of course, from the coast of glorious Montevillebad. Ian: A name that translates roughly as "mountain village bath" in a variety of European languages. (Zoom out to show the living room TV. Cut to Linda also in a pleather jumpsuit with a platter of hors d'oeuvres.) Linda: Seven hours of racing jargon and mindless statistics, here we come! Lawrence: Ooh, snacks! Linda: Mm-hmm, and they're race themed. Lawrence: Well, vroom vroom! (Cut back to the race track.) Nigel: And there's our pole-sitter, international racing legend, Paolo Vanderbeek. Ian: A household name. Born in the Scottish enclave of a Swiss town in the Italian alps to Dutch parents. Adrian: Not only a king among drivers, Paolo Vanderbeek is also a beloved man of the people. Ian: No one is more passionate about his sport or cares more about his fans than Paolo Vanderbeek, earning him the name "the King of Care." (Cut back to the living room. Candace enters singing as she sees Phineas and Ferb resting under the tree.) (Song: Gonna Get My Bust On) Candace: Gonna go get my bust on, Gonna get, gonna get, gonna get, Baw-ba-baw-baw-baw, ma bust on! Lawrence: How can ya go outside when it's Grand Prix Day? Candace: (sarcastically) Uh, yeah, well, my pleather jumpsuit is at the cleaners and I feel underdressed. Lawrence: Oh, that's understandable then. Linda: She was being facetious, dear. Lawrence: Oh, I see. Candace: Well, doesn't look like there's anything bustable going on yet. (takes a seat) I guess I could kill a few. Linda: Give it a chance, Candace. You might find it exciting. (Cut back to the announcers' booth.) Adrian: Let's look at an incomprehensible map of the race course, shall we? (Cut to the map.) Nigel: (offscreen) I can't make heads or tails out of it. You? Ian: (offscreen) Uh, no clue, but no doubt, it'll be exciting! (Cut back to the living room.) Candace: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. The excitement is killing me. Seems like a good time to wonder where Perry is. (Cut to Agent P's lair. Agent P wheels into his lair on his chair. Monogram is onscreen in a pleather jumpsuit with Montevillebad behind him.) Major Monogram: Greetings from Montevillebad, Agent P! You'll be joining us here for your mission. (whispering) But the lines aren't secure. (normal voice) So, we'll give you the details when you get here. And to get you here in style, we've provided you with a vintage 1963 Olson Martin! (The car rises from the floor behind Perry. He smiles.) So I'll see you after the wipe. (Cut to Perry already in the car. He gives a thumbs up to Monogram.) (Wipe to Montevillebad, with the Olson Martin driving down the road.) Caption: Montevillebad...After the wipe (Cut to Perry now wearing a tux in the car. A monitor showing Monogram's image appears on the dashboard.) Major Monogram: Hello again, Agent P. International intel has indicated that Doofenshmirtz is planning to sabotage Paolo Vanderbeek and enter the Grand Prix himself. (Cut to Perry driving.) So, we need you to find out what Doof is up to while Carl and I keep an eye on Vanderbeek here at the race track incognito. (Cut to Monogram, now wearing a fake black mustache.) Nifty disguise, huh? Gives me a continental look, don't you think? Anyway, Doofenshmirtz is at the casino L'Hotel Uber-Swank. (Cut to L'Hotel Uber-Swank. The Olson Martin pulls up to the valet.) Doofenshmirtz at a casino. (Cut to the casino.) Croupier: Monsieur in the lab coat and bow tie wins again. Doofenshmirtz: Man, I am on a roll! Agent Double 0-0: (gets up) Stupid game. I'll never play it again. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, never say never! Who's next? (Cut to Perry who takes a stick of bubblegum and chews it seriously and blows a bubble.) Oh, a mysterious platypus to take my challenge. Okay, I'll go first. (Cut to the table to reveal they are playing tic-tac-toe. Doof puts down an x in the bottom center square. Perry puts an O above it. Doof blocks it on the right with another X. Perry puts an O below that X. Doof puts another X to the left of the center O. Perry flips the O card dramatically in the corner. He wins.) Croupier: Jeu de morpion! Monsieur Platypus in the tuxedo wins! Doofenshmirtz: What?! Bouncer: Monsieur, there are no pets allowed in the casino. Doofenshmirtz: What? He's not my mysterious platypus. I didn't bring him in here! I just—Oh, oh, you mean the cat. (Doof takes a white cat from under the table and leaves.) Yeah, my bad. (Cut back to the racetrack.) Adrian: Look at all those cars in a line. Nigel: The collective amount of horsepower is absolutely staggering. Ian: And so (coughs) are the exhaust fumes. (Cut back to the living room.) Candace: You realize this is just a bunch of cars parked in a line. Linda and Lawrence: Yes. Yes we do. (In the background, Phineas and Ferb are already plotting out what they're gonna do today.) (Cut to a binoculars POV shot of a helicopter landing on a yacht. Cut to reveal Perry looking through the binoculars. He puts the car in drive and it splashes into the water. He presses a button on the car, and it turns into a scuba suit. He swims up to the yacht and takes off his scuba suit. He presses a button on the suit and it folds up into a handkerchief. He puts it in his pocket and walks up the stairs and chatters at Doof.) Doofenshmirtz: (gasp) The mysterious platypus from the casino! (Perry puts on his fedora.) Perry the Mysterious Platypus from the Casino?! Betcha tired of standing 'round, aren't you? (Doof pushes a button and traps Perry in a pile of tires.) See? Tires. I thought it apropos, you know, this being the Grand Prix and all. Wait 'till you see my new lair! (The yacht drives into a cave tunnel.) Not too shabby. Hey, Norm, I'm back! Norm: Look what I found! Metal teeth! Doofenshmirtz: Uch, you've always had metal teeth, Norm. Norm: Yes, but these are sharp. Doofenshmirtz: What does that matter? You can't open your mouth. Here, grab Perry the Platypus. Isn't this place fabulous? I found it through an international lair exchange website. It's even got its own rocket. Y'know, I think I might've gotten the better end of this deal. (Cutaway to an evil villain in Doof's bathroom, where the toilet has a clog. He sighs and puts a plunger into his hook-hand. Cut back to Doof.) Doofenshmirtz: Anyway, you're gonna love it. I was so impressed, I commissioned a whole new jingle! (A female singer rises from the floor.) (Song: Doofenshmirtz Swanky New Evil Lair) Singer: Doofenshmirtz Swanky New Evil Lair! Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, it's swanky! Singer: It's an even swap, A variation on a timeshare He can use the kitchen and the hallway closet Don't touch the rocket or you'll lose your deposit It's an old-school evil hideout vacation swap. It's an elegant lair with spectacular views But the carpets are white, so please take off your shoes The wiring is new, so you won't blow an electrical fuse It's a swanky new evil hideout vacation An old school evil hideout vacation Yes, it's Doofenshmirtz evil hideout vacation swap. Doofenshmirtz: (dancing) Yeah, look at these swanky moves! Singer: Vacation swap! Doofenshmirtz: Thanks, Cheryl! (to the viewer) My real estate agent. (to Perry) So, my evil plan. As you may know, the Montevillebad Grand Prix is a goodwill event with all the prize money awarded to the winner's favorite charity. So, I entered the race for my favorite charity, Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated...namely me! I'm the Doofenshmirtz...in Doofenshmirtz Evil...Well, you get it. And check it out! (Shows his race car on the monitor.) I've re-engineered my Boomshlaka 320-I to meet the Grand Prix specs. I also added some extras that should take care of, like, 99% of the playing field. But then there's still that 1%, Paolo Vanderbeek. But, uh, I got something else to take care of him. Behold, my I-Don't-Care-inator! (beat) It's not that I don't care. It creates apathy in whoever it hits. It's a little esoteric, I know, but, trust me, it'll work. I'll just zap Paolo with this baby and suddenly he won't care about anything and, uh, least of all, racing. I'll turn the King of Care into the King of I Couldn't Care Less, which will pave the way for me to win the race and the prize money for my favorite charity, which, I think I said before, is me. Now, before I go, lest you try to escape, I'll show you one more feature of this place. (He presses a button that says "Shark Tank".) Look, it's got its own shark tank! (laughter) (Cut to Norm wearing a rocket helmet. Doof straps into a seat on the robot.) Okay, then, I'm off to the races...literally! (Norm launches.) Hasta la pasta, baby! (A shark swallows Perry whole.) (Cut back to the race course.) Adrian: Welcome back, racing fans, to the Montevillebad Grand Prix. And the teams are making the final preparations before the start of the race. Ian: Including our favorite, Paolo Vanderbeek. Nigel: Just look at the amazing amount of care and attention he pays to his fans and his car. (Vanderbeek fixes his car and signs an autograph at the same time.) Pit Man: Listen to those fans, Paolo. They love you. (Vanderbeek gets zapped by the inator.) Vanderbeek: Eh, who cares? (walks away) Adrian: What's this? Paolo is walking away from the pits. Nigel: And the race. (Cut to Doof on Norm.) Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha! What a shot! Norm, set me down next to the registration booth and you go get the car ready. Norm: Roger wilco, sir! (Cut to a beach. The shark appears on the sand and all the people run away and scream. The shark's mouth opens and Agent P appears out of it. The shark then coughs out the tires and puts on a fedora and salutes. Agent P salutes Agent S back.) (Cut back to the race.) Adrian: Wait a second. There seems to be a last minute entry. A Heinz Doofen...Doofen... Ih...hopeless with Drusselsteinian names. Nigel: Hand it over, mate. Let's see. (takes the script from Adrian and reads it) "Dorkenshmitz"? Ian: D-Doofen...Doofenshmuntz, Doofenshmuntz. Oh, that's utterly ridiculous. Adrian: Whatever his name is, he's no Vanderbeek. That's for sure. Nigel: There's the flag! And they're off! (Perry walks onto the race track.) Major Monogram: Psst, Agent P, over here! Doof has shot Vanderbeek with some kind of—oh, right, he probably monologued his scheme to you already. Anyhow, we need you to take Vanderbeek's place in the race, get that inator, and get back here to reverse its effect, so Vanderbeek can finish the race and defeat Doofenshmirtz. Carl has been trying to convince Vanderbeek to get back in the race using his sophisticated powers of persuasion. (Cut to Carl also wearing a mustache with Vanderbeek.) Carl: C'mon, pretty please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I'll be your best friend! Major Monogram: Yeah, you better get goin', Agent P. You can use the disguise setting on your Olson Martin. (Perry takes his Olson Martin out of his pocket, pushes a button, and it turns into Vanderbeek's mustache. He puts it on.) Wow, the resemblance is uncanny! Good luck, Agent P! (The fake Vanderbeek gets into the real Vanderbeek's car and starts the engine.) Nigel: What's this? Hello! It looks like Paolo Vanderbeek is back in the race! (Cut back to the living room. In the background, Isabella, Buford and Baljeet have joined Phineas and Ferb standing by a pool.) Candace: Wow, this isn't nearly as lame as I thought. (A DNA strand rises out of the pool in the background.) Lawrence: That's why our couch cushions are worn so unevenly. 'Cause we're always on the edge of our seats. (Cut back to the race.) Doofenshmirtz: Let's see if I can rub this guy the wrong way. (He laughs as he rams a car.) Nice bumpin' into ya! Maybe it's time to use a little elbow grease. (He pushes a button and some grease spews out of the back of his car causing the car to slide right out of the race.) Alright, smoke 'em if you got 'em! (Black smoke spews out of the exhaust pipe.) Nigel: Approaching the Phillips' head turn, millimetrically perfect! Adrian: Or .04 inches perfect for backwards people who don't use the metric system. Nigel: Dumpendork is gonna have his work cut out for him if he wants to stay in the lead. Doofenshmirtz: Paolo Vanderbeek? He's back? Eh, looks like I'm gonna have to through the works at him. There ya go. (The exhaust pipe flips open throwing everything...and the kitchen sink which the car dodges.) Nigel: I say, that is an unprecedented amount of contact shunts and shenanigans! Adrian: Shenanigans? Ian: You don't think there's some sort of foul play afoot. (Cut to the announcers' booth.) Adrian: In Grand Prix racing? Don't be ridiculous! Nigel: That kind of thing only happens in cartoons. (Cut back to the race.) Doofenshmirtz: Looks like somebody needs another shot of the I-Don't-Care-inator. (The car runs over some parts and the inator slips out of Doof's hand.) What? Uh-oh! That's mine! (Perry catches the inator.) Adrian: And that last contact has put Doofenshmuntz spinning across the course! Nigel': And Vanderbeek is pulling into the pits! What is wrong? (Cut to Monogram and Carl still with the real Vanderbeek.) Carl: Come on, whatta ya, chicken? Bagawk! (Perry arrives with the inator.) Major Monogram: Good work, Agent P! Now we just need you to...Oh, okay, yeah, you got it covered, too. (Perry puts the inator in reverse and zaps Vanderbeek.) Vanderbeek: Bocce balls! I cannot disappoint my fans! (Cut back to Doof in the mud as Norm pushes him out.) Ian: Doifenshmuntz has got himself going again with the help of an extremely large metal pit crew member. (Cut back to the announcers' booth.) Nigel: This is, without a doubt, the weirdest race I've ever seen. (Cut to Vanderbeek getting into his car.) Vanderbeek: Grazie tonto, little beaver-duck guy! I'm-a about to win-a! Ian: And Paolo is back on the course! Adrian: He'll have to really put his foot in if he wants to catch Doofenshmintz by the end of the race! (Cut to Doofenshmirtz laughing.) Doofenshmirtz: Not to make excuses, but sometimes, it's okay to be a little bit tacky. (He pushes a button and a bunch of tacks come out of the front, piercing his own tires.) Oh, maybe the tacks are supposed to be in the back. Adrian: Dirkenshplurtz has run himself off the course completely! (The car lands in a pool.) Pool Guy: Gladys, ecce un'altra! (Subtitle: Gladys, we have another one.) Nigel: And Vanderbeek pushes past just in time to sieze the checkered flag! Well done! (Cut back to the living room. In the background, a giant foot carries the gang off while the parents and Candace are celebrating.) Candace: Oh, yeah! Go, Paolo! Go, Paolo! Linda: Woo-hoo! Lawrence: What an exciting finish! Candace: That was awesome! (looks behind her to see nothing there) Huh, I guess they're not doing anything today. (leaves) I am going to the mall and picking up a pleather jumpsuit! (Cut back to the race. Doof runs onto the track all wet.) Doofenshmirtz: Okay, did I win? (He takes off his helmet, which splashes more water onto him.) Oh, wait, no! Curse you, Paolo Vanderbeek! Y'know, that just doesn't roll off the tongue the way "Perry the Platypus" does. Perry the Platypus, Perry the Platypus. (Cut to the announcers' booth.) Adrian: And, on that bombshell, we bid farewell from glamorous Montevillebad! Major Monogram walks over to the desk of agents and give them a piece of paper and a pencil. Major Monogram: All right agents you have 5 minutes to vote on your favorite Phineas and Ferb videos you have seen so far. The 4 agents grabbed a pencil and paper and wrote down their favorite episodes. After they were done writing they gave them to Carl and Carl read them out loud. Perry the Platypus's favorite episode was Meapless in Seattle, Peter the Panda's favorite episode was also Meapless in Seattle, Agent D's favorite episode was The Chronicles of Meap, Herman the Hedgehog's favorite episode was Live and Let Drive. Major Monogram: Thanks agents for coming to vote for your favorite episodes. Here's video number 4. Phineas: (offscreen) Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Buford: A quilt?! No way! I mean, I know it's been a long summer and you guys are running out of ideas and- Isabella: That's okay. Buford. You don't have to hang with us everyday. Buford: No no no, I mean I mean I don't wanna play alone. I'll turn into a cat-kid. Phineas: What's a cat-kid? Buford: It's a kid version of a cat lady. (Everyone stares at Buford) Buford: Quick! Somebody say "Where's Perry?". Baljeet: Where's Perry? Buford: (sighs happily) You're always there for me. Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated (Perry jumps behind Doofenshmirtz, whom is currently working on his -inator) Doofenshmirtz: (turns around) Oh, it's you. (Perry looks around, taps on the floor for traps, then chatters) Doofenshimirtz: Yeah, so no time for traps. It's nothing personal, you see today is the annual L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Summer Stock Festival and I got the title role, so I have to take over the Tri-State Area by 3:30 if I wanna make the curtain! Uh, that doesn't leave me much time for, you know, the trapping and the fighting. So instead I built this! The Trip-To-The-Desert-inator! It's going to send you to the desert, and I can get on with my day. (Activates the -inator, Perry starts to run away) Don't bother running, because I installed a Perry-Track-inator. It's going to follow you no matter where you- (Perry leaps onto Doofenshmirtz, the -inator hits both Perry and Doofenshmirtz, sending them to the desert) Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great! Now I'm in the middle of nowhere! Now I'll never be able to take over the Tri-State Area before... the play. (Perry starts to leave via his jetpack) Wait, wait, d-don't leave me here! Uh, Perry the Platypus, please! It's important to me! And if this works out, I might give up evil for acting! Won't you give me that chance, to succeed at something that might very well turn my life away from the evil path? Do it for the kids. Do it for the orphans... that I might perform in front of someday if I ever do a show in an orphanage. (He is seen riding on Perry's jetpack as they're flying through the air) Doofenshmirtz: I don't want to be ungrateful or anything, but is there any way to speed this up? I gotta be in the make-up chair at 4 o'clock. Hey, what about this turbo switch? That oughta shave off some time, hey, right, yeah? (Flips the switch which causes the jetpack to sped off into the distance as him and Perry fall and land on the ground) Some pilot you are. (Glares back at Perry, who then points accusingly at him) Oh sure, blame the victim. Like you didn't know about my switch-flipping compulsion. (Perry starts to run away angrily) Oh, now you're mad, sure, I don't know why I tried to be nice, I should have just trapped you, I could have been out of the hospital and on my way to the theater by now. (Starts to walk towards Perry) Instead they'll end up using my understudy. Ughh, I hate that guy! (Meanwhile, at the Utopia Theater) Rodney: So, if Doofenshmirtz is late, I get to go on? Man #1: (Unknown line) time for this entrance, you can have the part. (Rodney squeals in delight) (Back in the desert) Doofenshmirtz: I guess it is summer and we're in the desert, but I I feel like it's unseasonably warm out here. I feel warm. Do you feel warm? Why do we always see cow skulls in the desert? And why do you only see the skull? Did the body die somewhere else? It makes no sense. (Perry walk away) Oh, I'm sorry, am I talking too much for you? Fine. I'll be quiet. I can shut up. I don't have to talk all the time. It's not like I have to fill the space... If you want silence, I'll give you silence! You watch!... And it's gonna be deafening! Mark my words! (Later, he is seen walking alongside Perry) Doofenshmirtz: Why do they say "Mark my words?" I mean, they just mean listen to my words, why don't they just say "Listen to my words"? (Song: Heck of a Day) Nowhere to go, nothing to see Except sand and sand and sand, and you and me Doofenshmirtz: Hey, look how big the sun is through this magnifying glass. (Gets harmed off-screen) Ow! Ow! Oh!...No really, it's huge, you should see it. Baked from the heat, we've got sun on all sides Getting tanned and tanned, like we're a couple of hides Doofenshmirtz: I mean, he drives a taxi, for heavens' sake, he can work anywhere. He expects her to just pack up and move to Vegas. Seriously. Two lost nomads who will never be missed Some might interpret this as just a karmic slap on the wrist But I've just gotta say it's a heck of a day to be us! Oh, yeah... Doofenshmirtz: I was sure my arm would grow back, but it never did. (taps his left arm which makes a metallic sound) See? Pure titanium. It's a fact. It's a heck of a day to not have a car And just walk and walk and not know where you are Doofenshmirtz: You don't communicate, you know that? You don't share. I know nothing about your private life. Perry closed off... Closed, that's you. We got no kind of a map Nothing to show us the way And it's just talk and talk and talk with nothing to say It's a heck of a day, a heck of a day to be us! {{Note} It's a heck of a day to be us! Doofenshmirtz: So I never touched an iguana again. Actually, that's not entirely true. There was one time, back in a—oh! Ooh ooh ooh! Look, Perry the Platypus, look! Two tires and an axle! Ahh, pretty soon we'll be rolling out of here! We're just gotta, gotta hop this fence. (Perry waves a finger back and forth) What do you mean no?! (Perry points to a "No Trespassing" sign on the gate) No trespassing! Oh oh you gotta be kidding me! You know what Perry the Platypus? I just have my third realization of the day, I have two earlier but I didn't share them with you. I've realized that the thing that's kept me from succeeding all this years isn't my parents not showing up after my birth, it isn't my eight month sting as organ griven monkey, it isn't the time that my arm got stuck under that boulder, also titanium see? (taps his right arm which also makes a metallic sound), it isn't any of those things. You know what it is? It's you! (points to Perry, who then crosses him arms) You are who's been holding my back all these years. (Perry turns Doofenshmirtz's pointing finger around to point it to Doofenshmirtz instead to Perry's) Doofenshmirtz: (sarcastically) Oh, very clever, that my accusing finger and pointing it back at me. (Normal) So so you think I'm responsible for my failures? (Perry nods) You're wrong! I can prove it. If you just let me try my junkyard scheme without interfering, it will prove to you that you are the source of all my failures! (Perry lets Doofenshmirtz go on with his scheme) (Doofenshmirtz is next seen trying to go over the gate) Doofenshmirtz: A little loose here, Perry the Platypus. (Perry crosses his arms) No, no, you're right, by myself. Okay all I have to do is- (gets zapped, dogs are heard and chase after Doofenshmirtz off-screen) (Doofenshmirtz and Perry are seen walking alongside each other in the desert) Doofenshmirtz: Okay, okay, okay, just this once I failed and you have nothing to do with it, but did you have to let me trip all three bear traps? Like c'mon! Why not here in the hot sun working on ways to get us back to Danville (They both stop walking and look at each other) and you never offered me so much as a glass of water or or a teatanus shot! I'm going it alone. As a matter of fact, I'm sick of you and your smug face! I don't wanna see it any more. I'm going to close my eyes and count to 3, (covers eyes) and when I'm done, you better be gone. (Perry already disappears) And it'll be just like when you're here except that YOU (Points to where Perry is last seen) won't be here! (Counts) 1...2...3! (Open his eyes) Hey! He really... FINE THEN! I can find the bus station on my own. (He walks away, a tumbleweed rolls by and Perry comes back with a glass of water in hand, he looks around to find Doofenshmirtz already gone) Doofenshmirtz: (crawling; pants) I said I wanted a sea otter for Christmas, they said I have to pick my present from the bottom shelf of the kitchen cosmics aisle at the supermarket so I bought an oven cleaner. I love that oven cleaner. OVEN CLEANER! (notices a bus station) Hey, a bus station! Bus Driver: Danville's at point's east! (Doofenshmirtz stands up) Tickets please! Doofenshmirtz: (pants) I don't have a ticket for the... I've got to get to Danville to be in a play and I just gotta, I don't have any money, I'm tired and dirty and it's all my fault, I've.. It's always been my fault! I'm a failure, I'm a failure! (begins to cry off-screen) (while crying off-screen) I'm a failure. Bus Driver: So... no ticket? Doofenshmirtz: (while crying) I'm a failure. (Perry shows up with two tickets in hand, he stops crying) Two bus tickets? (Grabs the tickets) Oh Perry the Platypus, you're mench. I know I can be testy and unpleasant, I know I tend to ramble on and on, to be fair, the burden of conversation is kinda all on me in our relationship. And I know that I haven't always given you the respect you deserve, anyway, I want you to know that you are appreciated Perry the Platypus. You. Are. Appreciated. Oh, hey now, check it out. Look, see? A tear. The universal secretion for sincerity. (Doofenshmirtz catches his tear in a phial) Come on. You can have a window seat. (Doofenshmirtz boards the bus, but Perry is stopped by the driver.) Driver: Hold it! No animals allowed! Doofenshmirtz: Tough break. Thanks for the ticket though. (The bus drives off) Doofenshmirtz: Sweet! It's air conditioned in here! (On the bus) Doofenshmirtz: (To nobody in particular) It's not like I wanted to go to the desert. He just jet-packed into me and dragged me along. No animals on the bus, it's no my rule. It's company policy. It's not my fault. Passenger: Are you talking to me? Doofenshmirtz: And what does he expect, he my nemesis. I'm a stone-cold villain. I'm ruthless. I have no "ruthes". ... Still he looked so sad and pathetic when the bus pulled away, and- AH, I should think of something else. Kreplach! Kreplach! Eastern European comfort food. You like kreplach? Passenger: As a matter of fact I do. When I was a little girl, my grandmother and I would make kreplach. First we would roll out th- Doofenshmirtz: Enough of your blabbering on and on! My little nemesis is out there all alone. I can't believe it! Stop the bus! Stop the Bus! Stop- Passenger 2: What's going on? Passenger 3: Hey what gives? Doofenshmirtz: I can't believe it. (Perry continues walking down the road in the hot sun, but is shaded by Doofenshmirtz flying on Perry's jetpack) Doofenshmirtz: Enjoying the shade Perry the Platypus? It's your jetpack! I found it stuck in the mouth of a fiberglass dinosaur I mean how often does that happen when you really need it? Climb aboard. Come on! Come on! Hahaha. Doofenshmirtz: (to the tune of "Perry the Platypus")'[' Doofy doofy doofy doofy doofy doofy Doofenshmirtz! (Backstage) Man: One minute 'till curtain. Rodney: Looks like Doofy's a no-show. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, we're running out of time! We're not gong to make it! '(Perry straps Doofenshmirtz tightly into the jetpack) Doofenshmirtz: Are you trapping me? But we were getting along so- (Perry motions towards the turbo switch) The turbo switch!? Are you kidding? I can't control this thing at that speed. O-Okay Perry the Platypus, if you think so... (Perry throws the switch) Rodney: Oh well Doofenshmirtz, the show must go on, without you. ...And there's my cue. Actress: ...I shall never go hungry again. (Doofenshmirtz falls in from the ceiling) Doofenshmirtz: Pizza delivery! '(The curtains close and everybody cheers) L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Member: What an entrance! Doofenshmirtz: (To Perry) Haha! We got him good! And I couldn't have done it without you. (Perry turns Doofenshmirtz's finger towards himself) Oh, why Perry the Platypus... (Doofenshmirtz put the tear he collected earlier back into his eye) See I knew I'd need it later. (Back in the backyard, the kids are standing on a finished quilt) Buford: That was amazing! I never thought quilting could be so much fun! Think of the possibilities! Needlepoint! Embroidery! Tapestry! I'm headin' down to the fabric store right now! (walks away) Broquet! Taffeta! Saddle stitch! Ferb: Actually I didn't find it all that exciting. Phineas: Yeah, me either. Isabella: Never getting that day back. Baljeet: Whew, stinker-roo. Dr. Doofenshmirtz opened his water bottle and began to drink it. Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That last video made me very thirsty. I couldn't imagine what would it be like for me to go to the desert again. Major Monogram: Well do you know how you feel if you're floating without gravity? Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No. Major Monogram Here's video number 3. an apple falls on top of Phineas and Ferb's heads; Phineas talks about gravity and wonder if they can turn it around. Candace comes asking what they are doing and Phineas says they wonder if they can defy gravity. Candace tells it's impossible since it's a Universal Law, just like not wearing white after Labor Day. Phineas states that it's despotism for an Absolute Law with no hope of appeal, and suddenly knows what to do today and wonders where Perry is. Candace points out that he was beside them, and Phineas says he didn't see him. At the OWCA, Carl was updating his status report on his website when Major Monogram conducts his evaluation form and shows Carl that he has gold stars at Studious and Hygiene but not at Initiative. He needs to show more. Carl pleads to Monogram to make it and is given 24 hours to show Initiative before Monogram has to submit his evaluation. To do this, Carl decides to check any suspicious activity on the internet. At Phineas and Ferb's house, they send their blueprint for an Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher to their website so that Baljeet can check it. He calls them to say that it is 97% complete, but makes a minor adjustment to make it perfect and tries to joke about it. At Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Doofenshmirtz was bored and has no idea what to do. Norm asks him about the jigsaw puzzle, but Doofenshmirtz stated that without the cover box he can't finish it. Norm then asks him about finishing his Popsicle-stick bride, but Doofenshmirtz says that until the blue dye is out of his system he can't finish it, either. Norm then kisses his Popsicle-stick bride, to which Doofenshmirtz describes Norm a "sick, sick robot". Since Doofenshmirtz needs an evil scheme but is not in a mood to create one, he decides to steal an idea from a blueprint off the internet. He then stumbles on Phineas and Ferb's Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher, downloads it and renames it as Anti-Gravity Evil Launchinator. He's not sure what to do with it and waits until something come to his mind. At the O.W.C.A, Carl gets a transmission that Doofenshmirtz downloaded something off the internet. Carl runs the words Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher into the Anagram Decoder and calls Major Monogram about it and says "Evil Fanatic Hunt R Raygun". When they check the source it shows it's from Phineas and Ferb, and Carl thinks that they work for Doofenshmirtz. Major Monogram thinks it's impossible but when Carl plays Phineas' voice by playing it backward and adjusting the syllables, they think that the boys' plan is to help Doofenshmirtz to destroy the Tri-State Area. They decide to keep an eye on them, but first Major Monogram sends Agent P to find a missing agent, codename Agent G, and gives him some locations in Iceland, Monte Carlo, Burbank, California and on the Moon. As Agent P leaves, Carl ask who Agent G is. Monogram states that is Gary the Gander (or Goose) is all a wild goose chase to distract Agent P, since he's too close to Phineas and Ferb. Carl asks who will investigate them, but Monogram says since that every agent is on a mission, he decides to choose Carl. After trying on different costumes, Carl is dispatched to his mission. In the backyard, Phineas and Ferb, along with Isabella and Baljeet, are already building the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher, when Phineas wonders where Perry is. Meanwhile, Agent P is climbing some snowy mountain to search for Agent G. Carl arrives at the backyard, where Major Monogram tells him to observe and infiltrate them. Isabella asks who the guy at the fence is, then Phineas asks Carl who he is. Carl tries to think some other name, but accidentally says his own name. Phineas welcomes him and asks if he can help and Carl agrees. He started to question each of them while constructing the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher. After finishing the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher, they try to decide who goes first and Isabella insists that Carl should go first. Carl goes in and activates the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher, then everyone joins in. Carl asks if this has to do anything evil, but Phineas states that this is all for fun. Carl, along with the kids, are having fun when Candace sees them flying in mid-air and decides to find her Mom immediately. Meanwhile, Monogram tries to contact Carl, but just hears him screaming. Thinking that the intern is being tortured, Monogram quickly declares an emergency. Outside at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, Doofenshmirtz thanks Norm for helping him and is happy that the Anti-Gravity Evil Launchinator runs on solar power. Unfortunately, a police officer gives him a ticket for parking the Anti-Gravity Evil Launchinator in a no parking zone and then quickly tows away his device. He chases after it. At Monte Carlo, Agent P is playing blackjack with a guy, until he shows the picture of Gary the Gander. After the guy says he knows nothing, Agent P attacks and interrogates him. After having fun in the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher, the kids meet Major Monogram acting as Carl's father. Monogram asks Carl what he's doing since he never came "home." Carl plays along as his son, telling his "dad" he was having fun with his new friends, and whispers to him that the situation is neutralized. Major Monogram quickly calls his men to abort the mission and leave the area. Monogram tells Carl that they should go home now, and says goodbye to the kids. After Monogram and Carl left, Phineas says he's a nice kid and tells everyone to race inside the house that the loser will clean up the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz tries to catch his Anti-Gravity Evil Launchinator but trips over a can after seeing another Anti-Gravity Evil Launchinator; he decides to call Norm to come and pick it up. In California, Agent P was a special guest on a TV show and his face was pixelated to cover his identity. Agent P shows the picture of Agent G and the host tells the viewers if that they sees Agent G they should call in immediately. Agent P quickly picks up the call and runs off while the host tells him that he forget his pixelation. Back at Doofenshmirtz, he watches as Norm picks up the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher and states he didn't know Norm could do that. Norm shows him that he can transform into a vehicle as well, to which Doofenshmirtz responds that he should read his instruction manual and Norm says he should. As they leave, Candace, along with her Mom, arrives at their home, telling her about the Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher. Candace is surprised that it is gone, but Linda doesn't find it surprising, flatly replying "That's a shocker". Doofenshmirtz congratulates Norm and tells him that he's gonna finish his Popsicle-stick bride. However, they are then stopped by the police officer who this time gives Doofenshmirtz a ticket for driving a robot with more than two axles without a license. The officer then tows Norm away, while Doofenshmirtz curses the Motor-vehicle Code. Back at O.W.C.A, Monogram is so proud of Carl for his effort that he gives him a gold star in Initiative on his evaluation report. Perry suddenly arrives in a space suit and Major Monogram apologizes to him about the wild goose chase also, since they can't find Agent G because he was gone for too long. Agent P shows them Agent G, that he was on vacation. Monogram decides that Agent P deserves the vacation, but since evil never rests, that he will be back tomorrow. Monogram salutes him. After an awkward silence, Major Monogram comments that his arm is getting tired and Agent P is not saluting back. Major Monogram noticed Doofenshmirtz floating in gravity. Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey Francis, I built an Anti-Gravity-evil-Launch-inator-2 and I know how it feels like floating without gravity. Major Monogram: What? Dr. Doofenshmirtz I think my stomach is not feeling well. I need to reset the machine and make me go back to gravity. Major Monogram: Here's video number 2. Phineas is lying under the tree and Ferb is beside him, reading.) Phineas: You know, Ferb. One of the best times we ever had was when we built that rollercoaster. (pause) We should do it again, but this time, as a musical. Whaddya say? We'll do all the same things except we'll break into spontaneous singing and choreography with no discernible music source. Ferb: Hmm. What assurance would we have that everyone else will also break into song and do the same thing? Phineas: I don't know. I think they probably will. Ferb: Fair enough. I'm in. (Song: Hey Ferb) Phineas: I know what we're gonna do today, Though it might sound just a bit cliché. We can build a roller coaster, but this time with songs and dancing! 'Cause when we're back in school come next September, And they ask us we can both remember Every cool and clever thing we did all summer long, and glancing Back we're gonna be so glad that we Didn't sit all day and watch TV, I don't think anyone can disagree the world is possibilities And that's what makes me say: Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb! Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!... Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb, Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!... Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb, Background Singers: Boredom is something up with which I will not put! Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!... Phineas and Chorus: Hey, Ferb, Background Singers: Boredom is something up with which I will not put! Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Hey, Ferb! Linda: Phineas, Ferb! I'm gonna go pick up a few things. You boys stay out of trouble, okay? Phineas: Okay, Mom. (In the driveway, Linda is getting in the car. Candace looks through the window and rushes outside.) Candace: I'm in charge, right? You did tell them I'm in charge. Linda: Relax, Candace. Nobody has to be in charge. Candace: But what if there's an emergency? Linda: Like what? Candace: What if, uh... What if a wild moose, a whole herd of them, burst into the house and attack everyone? Linda: If that happens, you're in charge. Candace: Yes. (Candace opens the gate to the backyard.) Candace: Mom says I'm in charge...conditionally. Phineas: The condition didn't have anything to do with a moose, did it? Candace: You know it's funny you should mention that—oh! (Realizing she is getting distracted) I'm watching you. (Candace goes into the house, watching them when the phone rings. She picks it up) Candace: Hello? Oh, hi, Stacy! Mom just went to the store, she left me charge, well, you know, conditionally. (Switches to Stacy, where she and Jenny are in matching outfits.) Stacy: Well, that's better than not in charge at all, I guess. (switch back to Candace) Candace: It's all about the varying degrees of authority. First, you've got conditionally in charge; then you've got you're basically in charge; you're mostly in charge; and there's just in charge, completely devoid of modifiers. That's what I'm shooting for. Huh? Wait, what are my brothers doing right now? What do you mean you can see it from where you are? See what?! (Outside, Phineas and Ferb are building the roller coaster) Phineas: Check it out, Ferb. We can see Stacy's house from here. Candace: Phineas, what is this?! Phineas: Do you like it? Candace: Ooh, I'm gonna tell Mom, and when she sees what you're doing, you're going down! (Song: You're Going Down) (Jenny and Stacy shows up as doo-wop music begins to play) Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: You're goin' down when I get Mom to see! Jenny/Stacy: (Down to the ground) Candace: This ridiculous monstrosity Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: You'll never get away with this again. Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: You're G-O-I-N-G-D-O-W-N! Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: Spread the news from coast to coast Jenny/Stacy: (Down to the ground) Candace: You're goin' down, your operation exposed Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: I could say more but I don't wanna boast Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin' down) Candace: Get used to butter 'cause you both are toast! Candace: If a certain condition arises, I'm the one to avert the crisis! You think you're livin' large But you forgot that I'm the one in charge... Conditionally! Jenny/Stacy: (You're goin') Candace: Down, down, down, down, down... You're goin' down! Phineas: (at Ferb) See? No discernible music source. (In the driveway, Isabella is walking up as Candace, Stacy and Jenny are leaving) Isabella: Hey, Candace. Hey, Stacy. Hey Jenny. How'd the number go? Candace: Pretty good, but I'm still angry. Isabella: Well, I guess I'm up. (Song: What'cha Doin'?) Isabella: I'm just the curious girl 'cross the way Every day I come over, and here's what I say... Whatcha doin', whatcha doin'? What's the day's activity? Whatcha doin', whatcha doin'? By any chance could it include me? Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? I don't mean to disturb. Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? Isabella and the Fireside Girls: You know it's not really directed at Ferb, When I say-ay-ay-ay-ay... Whatcha doin'? Isabella: Don't ya know, Phineas? You have no idea That every day I'm just dyin' to see ya... And say... Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? I really wanna know Whatcha doin', (Fireside Girls: Whatcha doin'?) whatcha doin'? Can I be part of the show? Isabella and the Fireside Girls: When I say-ay-ay-ay-ay... Whatcha doin'? Phineas: Hey, Isabella. Isabella: What'cha doin'? Phineas: Building a roller coaster. Isabella: Again? Cool. (At Ferb) Hey, Ferb! (Ferb waves) Isabella: Still a man of few words, I see. Phineas: Nah, you missed it. Earlier he had two lines. Isabella: Wow, chatty. Phineas: Hey, where's Perry? (Perry walks around the corner of the house. He jumps up, puts on a fedora and walks into a hole in the wall. He goes down a lift, into a lair, where he gets an "Incoming Message") Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P. The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. For reasons unknown to us, he bought up 80% of the country's tin foil. (He stops, looking a bit surprised) Carl, didn't-didn't he already do that? Carl: (off screen) Yes, sir. At the beginning of summer. Monogram: Well, all right then. Well, Agent P, go out there and do the same thing you did last time. (Agent P salutes and runs off) Monogram: Good luck, Agent P. Ah, the world of a field agent, out in the thick of things. Not like me. (Song: My Whole World Is This Screen) My whole world is this screen Just four walls of a rectangle But I can dare to dream- (The lights suddenly turn off) Monogram: Carl! Carl: (off screen) Oh, sorry, sir. I thought you were done. You want me to turn 'em back on? Monogram: Nah, forget it. The moment's gone. (Agent P is flying in his platypus-themed hovercraft. He notices Phineas and Ferb and pulls his fedora down to hide from them as he flies past) Phineas: So the way I see it, the solid fuel rockets kick in at the mall parking lot. Then we release the snakes during our corkscrew around the interstate. I'm gonna go get the snakes. (He leaves and Ferb puts on his mask and uses the blowtorch.) (Candace runs into the store) Candace: Mom, you've gotta come home right now. Linda: Let me guess, a herd of wild moose are in our living room? Candace: No. Besides, it's mooses. Linda: No, I think the word "moose" is already plural. Candace: Mom, trust me, it's mooses...or meese. Do you want me to get a dictionary? Linda: Is this what you came here for? Candace: No, Mom! You've gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing! They're a building a roller coaster! Linda: Candace, you've already used that one. (Song: Mom Look) Candace: Mom, look, don't roll your eyes at me! Mom, look, just come over and see. Mom, look, it shouldn't be so hard! Mom, look, they built it in the backyard. Once they made it winter in June, Linda: I didn't see it. Candace: Built a rocket to the moon. Linda: I didn't see it. Candace: Mom, they cause me so much pain! Linda: Now, Candace... Candace: Once they even gave me Perry's brain! Linda: Oh, for crying out loud. Candace: They built a submarine, a time machine, A haunted house that made me scream, Drove cattle through the mall, Built a giant bowling ball, Blew me up to fifty feet, A chariot dragged me down the street, (Candace stops to catch her breath) Background Singers: La la la la la la la la Candace: Made their stupid clothes a fashion craze, Shoelace tips a household phrase, Shot me through a circus tent, Always asked where Perry went, A lava flow destroyed my face, A giant roller derby race, Thawed a caveman out of ice, Built a roller coaster twice! Linda: Candace, seriously, isn't Phineas a little young to be a roller coaster engineer? Candace: Well, yes. Yes, he is. (Switches to Phineas in a car factory with the manager) (Song: Aren't You a Little Young?) Building Engineer: Aren't you a little young to build a roller coaster? Phineas: Yes. Yes, I am. Building Engineer: Well, I must say that I'm really quite impressed, But all your permits are in order. Don't forget the bricks and mortar And if you need a power loader, be my guest! Though if I'm pressed, I'd say you look a little young to drive a forklift. Phineas: Yes. Yes, I am. Building Engineer: It's good to see a younger guy like you, Who's creative and ambitious, A little bigger than his britches, And who's got a fresh, exciting point of view Yes, it's true. That you seem a little young to do the things that you do, Even with all the moxie you've got. Yes, you seem a little green to be controlling this machinery. Phineas: Yeah, I get that a lot. (The scene changes to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Doofenshmirtz: Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated Where being evil not debat- You know, I should really write the rest of that someday. (Perry jumps in from the window) Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what a surprise. And by surprise, I mean not a surprise at all. Let me show you what I've been working on. (Doofenshmirtz presses a button which activate arms that grabs Agent P) Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha ha! I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, have covered the entire eastern seaboard in tin foil...again. But this time when I put my giant magnet next to my ingenious Magnetism Magnifinator, I will pull the East in a westerly direction, thereby reversing the rotation of the Earth! I know I tried this before but that was with a Magnifier this is a Magnifinator. See, I added the suffix –inator. It's a completely different ball game. I know you're probably expecting some tragic back story, explaining why I want to reverse the rotation of the Earth. But I'm not gonna go there. You know why? Well, I'll tell ya. (Song: Back in Gimmelshtump) Doofenshmirtz: Back in Gimmelshtump I always had to keep it real! 'Cause when you grow up in Gimmelshtump Young Heinz: (as a lawn gnome) Your childhood is less than ideal! Doofenshmirtz: So I don't dwell on how I'll crawled my way out of the gutter No, I don't! When people ask me what I mean, I say D-D-D-Do I stutter! (Suddenly changes to a show tune) Doofenshmirtz: But I'm no longer a hater 'Cause I got an Inator And an over-complicated scheme I get a couple of checks Every month from my Ex So I can finance my coming regime! And though my past was a wreck I won't let it affect My aspirations to cause mass hysteria 'Cause I'm as sure as can be That it's my destiny To be the ruler of the Tri-State Area! Yeah! Background Dancer: So, uh, are we done? 'Cause I gotta pick up my kid from school. Doofenshmirtz: One second, just wait 'til it goes to black. (The screen did as it was told and goes black) Doofenshmirtz: All right, now you can go. Part 2 (In the store) Candace: But, Mom, I'm telling you, they're building it, and it's huge! Linda: And I'm telling you, you've used this story before. Candace: Yeah, but this time, it's a musical! (Ferb puts up a poster. Candace goes over to it.) Candace: "Phineas and Ferb present the Coolest Coaster Ever, now open"? Mom! (She runs off just as three kids come over to it) Pedro: Hey, the Coolest Coaster Ever! You think we'll get in free with this flyer? Another Kid: We didn't last time. Maybe we should take it just in case. (They tear it down and go to leave when Buford steps in their way) Buford: Hey, if anyone's gonna ride this thing, it's gonna be me. Not one of you lousy extras. (They run off, Candace pulls Linda to where the poster had been hanging) Candace: Here, look, look, look, see? I told you I'm not crazy! I told you! Linda: And you're not crazy because? (Candace looks to see the poster's gone, she screams) Linda: I see your point, Candace. No crazy person would scream at a post like that. I'll be in the dairy section if you want to come yell at some cheese. (leaves, but comes back) Would you like that, honey? Would you like to yell at some cheese? Candace: A little. Linda: Well, c'mon, then. (In Agent P's lair) Monogram: I hope Agent P is having good luck like I told him to. (Song: My Whole World Is This Screen) My whole world is this screen Just four walls- (He is cut off when the scene suddenly changes to the backyard where kids are gathered in front of a stage. Ferb walks onstage and taps the microphone. He stands there for a second before he suddenly dances but quickly stopping and stepping aside as Phineas come up from a trapdoor.) Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making! Mark your calendars because you will want to tell your grandchildren about the day you rode the Coolest...Coaster...EVER! (Ferb reveals the roller coaster. After the camera finishes panning up, a bird crashes into the top, falling down.) Phineas: And this time it's a musical. (On the roller coaster) Phineas: To fasten, insert the tab into the metal buckle. To release, just pull back on the- (He drops the seat belt) Oops. (Song: Rollercoaster) Background Singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) Isabella: (scared) Phineas, are you sure this is safe? Phineas: Of course. Background singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) Phineas: It's like a leisurely drive around downtown, But it starts with a 3 mile drop straight down! And now keep your head and hands and feet inside the ride, Not a written rule but it's strongly implied. Permanecer sentados, por favor! Scream if you want more! That's right! Cork screwin' 'round the interstate, With peanut butter and rubber snakes! Clear the way, move over, Look out, Bud. Here comes the mud! Background Singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) Phineas: Look out! Right side up and upside down Don't ask me to talk Can't tell a verb from a noun And I'm screaming like a baby Who's afraid of a clown Buford: I'm glad I'm wearing trousers That are already brown! Phineas: It'll twist your belly It'll turn your gut Man, is this ride sweet or what? We go: Phineas and passengers: Ah ah ah! Ferb: We go: Phineas and passengers: Ah ah ah! Ferb: We go: Phineas and passengers: Ah ah ah! Yeah rollercoaster Buford: I got the poster! Background Singers: (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Rollercoaster, roll, rollercoaster) (Back with Doofenshmirtz and Perry) Doofenshmirtz: So now, I'm left holding a ten gate house in a twelve gate neighborhood. My accountant wants me to walk away from the whole thing. But, like, I can't do that. Just because I'm evil doesn't mean I don't care about my credit rate. (Agent P hits a screw toward Doofenshmirtz with his tail, but he ducks) Doofenshmirtz: Ha! You missed! (The screw bounces off the wall, flying up to the ceiling. It hits a line and bounces back, going into Doofenshmirtz's foot) Doofenshmirtz: Aaahh! Ow, ow, ow, ow, owww! (Doofenshmirtz, as he's jumping around holding his foot, accidently bumps into the button that controls the arm restraints, releasing Perry the Platypus. Agent P quickly attacks him. While they're fighting, Dooofenshmirtz rolls a battery cart toward him. Perry jumps over it easily, and it falls outside through a window.) (Outside the building) Farmer's Wife: I can't believe you walked all the way to the service station to get the jumper cables, but you didn't bring the battery cart. What did you think a battery cart was just going to fall out of the sky? (The battery cart lands next to the farmer) Farmer's Wife: Okay. (smiles hopefully) What did you think a million dollars was just going to fall out of the sky? Farmer: It doesn't work that way. Farmer's Wife: Well, how does it work then! (Back with Perry and Doofenshmirtz) Doofenshmirtz: Now, you are too late! (He pulls a lever, activating the Magnitism Magnifinator) Quake in your boots and watch helplessly as the unimaginable electromagnetic forces, pull the eastern seaboard, thereby reversing the rotation of the- (The tinfoil comes off of the buildings) Doofenshmirtz: Well, that didn't work. (The tin foil forms into a giant ball, flying through the air) Doofenshmirtz: And now we have a two ton ball of tin foil traveling two hundred miles an hour directly at us! Quickly, we must separate the magnet from the Magnifinator before it is too late! (He and Perry try to move the magnet and the Magnifinator before Doofenshmirtz stops) Doofenshmirtz: Is it just me or is this a serious déjà vu moment? I feel like I've totally been here before. You were there, the tin foil was coming, and I said "Quickly, we must separate the magnet". Huh. Oh, well, weird. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Aaaahhh! (Resumes trying to move the Magnifinator) (In the store, Candace is seen yelling at some cheese) Woman: Man, is she mad at that cheese (Children screaming can be heard in the distance) Candace: Wait a minute. What's going on out there? (She goes outside and sees that the roller coaster goes right through the parking lot) Candace: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Mom! Mom! (She runs back inside) (At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.) Doofenshmirtz: It's no use! It's no use, we are doomed! (Agent P sees a helicopter. He jumps onto the magnet and fires a grappling hook at it. He quickly wraps some of the rope around the magnet. The helicopter flies off, taking the magnet with it.) Doofenshmirtz: You did it! You saved us, Perry the Platypus! You saved us-again, again with the déjà vu. You were up there, I was saying, "You saved us." And then, hm, and then something came from that direc- (The tin foil ball crashes into the building) Curse you, déjà vu! (The magnet pulls a piece of the Magnetism Magnifinator onto it, and gets stuck on the coaster, which then follows the helicopter into the sky) (Candace pulls her mother into the parking lot) Candace: Look, look, look, see? (Linda looks to see the parking lot just like normal) Linda: (pause) Okay, I give up. What am I supposed to be looking at? (Candace looks to see it's disappeared) Candace: No! It's not possible! Linda: I'm gonna go get the cart. Candace: I was right here, and it was huge! (She sees the roller coaster being carried away by the helicopter) Mom! Linda: Time to go. I've got frozens. Candace: Okay, so you think that Phineas and Ferb are still under that stupid tree in the backyard, right? Linda: Well, yes. That would be my guess. (Candace grabs the cart, running to the car) Candace: Fine. Then let's go home, now! (Agent P sees that the helicopter is smoking and cuts the rope. He drops down onto the coaster and in the cart, right behind Phineas and Ferb) Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. (Perry chatters) Phineas: Nice hat, Isabella. (Isabella takes off Agent P's fedora and looks at it, a bit confused.) (The car goes to the end of the track and goes into a construction area, it eventually end up getting flung into the air) Phineas: Funny, I don't remember this in the blueprint. (An airplane picks up the roller coaster by the plane's tail) Phineas: And I'm sure this is new. (Candace sees the airplane from Linda's car and laughs somewhat psychotically, and blinks with one eye at a time) Linda: I worry about you sometimes, Candace. (The coaster car drops down and onto the Statue of Liberty, bending it and throwing the car toward Mount Rushmore. The roller coaster circles in Theodore Roosevelt's glasses before flying out and past a herd of moose) Phineas: You know, if they break into our house, Candace is in charge. (The car lands on a pine tree which bends lowering them down toward a Mr. Slushy Burger stand) Phineas: Oh, hey, Jeremy. Jeremy: Hey, Phineas. Anybody want fries? Phineas: Nah, we're good. Jeremy: Oh, and say Hi to your sister for me. (The tree straights out again and throws them to Paris, France. The get stuck on the Eiffel Tower just like they had with the tree.) French Man: Crêpe, Suzette? Phineas: What do you say, Suzette? You want a crêpe? Suzette: No, thank you. (The Eiffel Tower straightens out and the roller coaster is flung into orbit. Meap flies past and stops to wave to Phineas and Ferb, who wave back. The coaster suddenly falls back down toward the Tri-State Area. All the other kids scream while Phineas and Ferb merely look down before Phineas turns to Ferb.) Meap: Meap. Phineas: It was good to see Meap. (Linda pulls into the driveway and Candace jumps out of the car, laughing psychotically again.) Linda: Okay, we're here. Are you happy, Candace? (Horror sting, Candace opens the gate to see Phineas and Ferb are not there) Candace: Yes! (To Linda) See, Mom? I told you they weren't there! (Candace opens the gate and gestures toward the tree with her eyes closed. Linda pokes her head through the gate as well. She smiles after seeing the boys.) Linda: Hi, boys. (At this point, Candace opens her eyes and her mood changes to shock) Phineas: Hi, Mom. Linda: Come on, Candace, help me with the groceries. Candace: But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but- (continues under) Linda: Let's go. (She pulls her away) (In the backyard, kids suddenly start coming out of the tree) Kid: Hey, Phineas, that was great! Pedro: Way too cool! Third Kid: That was awesome! Can we do it again? Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer. Isabella: That was great, Phineas. So, what are you gonna do tomorrow? Phineas: Well, you know what they say: carpe diem. Isabella: Excuse me? Phineas: Carpe diem. It's Latin for "seize the day". Ferb: Or you could say "seize the day" was English for "carpe diem". Phineas: Yes. Yes, you could. (Song: Carpe Diem) Phineas: Well, we hope you all enjoyed the show Hope it was not anti-climatic Now there's something we want you to know And we don't want to sound didactic Phineas and entire cast: But if there's one thing we can say I know it sounds a bit cliché There's no such thing As just an ordinary day And you don't have to build a roller coaster To find your own way to make the most of These days of summer And dance to the beat of a different drummer Just grab those opportunities when you see 'em 'Cause every day's a brand new day, you gotta carpe diem Fireside Girls: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (The music stops) Kenny Ortega: Alright, people, that was fabulous, but I want to work on one thing. Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, world renowned choreographer, Kenny Ortega! Kenny Ortega: Thanks, Phineas. All right now let's make sure that when we sing the chorus we hit that straight arm. All right? Straight arm on both sides. Now. One more time, performance level. Five, six, seven, eight. Entire cast: And you don't have to build a roller coaster To find your own way to make the most of Every minute No more waiting for the right time, you're in it Just grab those opportunities when you see 'em 'Cause every day's a brand new day, baby, carpe diem Martians: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... Santa, Blay'n, Clewn't, and Agents: Ooh Love Händel: Every day's a brand new day, baby, carpe diem Ba-dink-a-dinks: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... Professor Destructicon, The Regurgitator and entire cast: Every day's a brand new day Haney and entire cast: Baby, carpe diem Agents: Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... All: Every day's a brand new day Carpe diem (Perry chatters) Major Monogram: Time flies by when we're having lots of fun, docent? The audience applauded, then Dr. Doofenshmirtz walked by. Doofenshmirtz: Oh man, don't tell me this is going to be our last video in the countdown! Major Monogram: Sorry Dr. Doofenshmirtz, it is but you know what would be cool? To write a new Phineas and Ferb episode for next year in the countdown! Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I want to start first since I don't know who Phineas and Ferb are. Dr. Doofenshmirtz put his finger on his chin and began to think. Oh, I've got it! Video time! Mitch: Hahahaha! Meap: This earth is going to be in danger. Mitch: That's the whole part of my evil plan. Major Monogram: I'm replacing you with another intern. (Then Carl grabbed his suitcase and walked out of the OWCA.) Dr. Doofenshmirtz:Ballooney you can talk! Candace: What? You're dating Jeremy? Phineas: Ferb have we met Dr. Doofenshmirtz before? (Then suddenly Meap got hit with The-Vanished-Inator and vanished into thin air.) Monty Monogram: I have the real evidence about who stole the priceless painting. Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I'm actually impressed that Jack had planned to make this new trailer episode. (Perry the Platypus and Dennis the rabbit fight each other at Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.) Narrator: The Chronicles of Meap episode 44 Meap: Meap! Narrator: Meapballs Dr. Doofenshmirtz: We have to find out if the creators will turn this into a episode! Major Monogram: I'm actually impressed that you came up with the trailer episode Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Thanks I'm quit cleaver Aren't i! it's time for the last video that we been all waiting for. I want everyone to enjoy video number 1. Dr. Doofenshmirtz: everyone better enjoy it! A light cracks out from the ground making a bigger crack. To heavy metal rock music, the opening logo rises from the ground. Zoom out on Phineas and Ferb wailing on their electric guitars as the logo rises up. When they finish, Spidey drops hanging upside down from a web.) Spider-Man: Aunt May, Phineas and Ferb are making a crossover! Phineas: Yeah we are! (They play the last chord. Cut to black.) (Open up on outer space where Phineas and the gang are surfing the asteroid belt.) (Song: Surfin' Asteroids) Grab a spaceboard and catch a wave, The asteroid ocean is quite a rave. We're gonna zoom-zoom-zoom through the stratosphere There's a reason that they call it the final frontier. Shoot the tube into the void, We're surfin' asteroids! Take my hand, we're gonna rock and roll, Past a little red dwarf and a big black hole; So grab a friend and come right over, Pretty soon, this party's gonna supernova! (Supernova!) (Supernova!) Past a big blue comet and a purple quasar, Just need a pressure suit and a surf guitar Just shoot the tube into the void We're surfin' asteroids! (We're surfin' those asteroids) Surfin' asteroids! (We're surfin' those asteroids) Surfin' asteroids! Isabella: That was awesome! Phineas: Yeah! The cosmic rays we collected through our satellite dish made a great power source for our surfboards. Baljeet: Well, I, for one, need to get back to the space station. Phineas: All right. Buford: You know, these suits are equipped with— Baljeet: I do not want to do it in the suit! (The gang surf their way into a giant space station shaped like Phineas and Ferb's heads. Inside the space station, the gang have their suits off are talking with a floating screen with Irving on it.) Irving: Hi, guys! How are the asteroid waves? Phineas: They were totally crankin', dude! (In the backyard where Irving is acting as mission control.) Irving: (laughing) He called me "dude"! (Cut back to Phineas) Phineas: We're about to take the module down. Are we clear for landing? Irving: One moment. (He gets up) (Irving chases a butterfly off the ground.) Irving: All clear! Hey, where's Perry? Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! (Inside the building Agent P is already trapped.) Doofenshmirtz: Struggle all you want, Perry the Platypus, you're not getting out of that! It's hydraulic! I don't know if you're aware of this, but my brother, Roger, is the mayor. (Perry just gives him a look indicating that he was, in fact, aware of it.) Alright, I may have touched upon the subject from time to time, but, y'know, I figured why not mention it again just for clarity? Anyway, that job gives him all these cool mayoral powers. So I created the Power-Drain-inator to drain all his powers into this canister, and then I, Heinz Doofenshmirtz, get to wield them! Just think, I will have the power to raise taxes, pass legislation and even cut the ceremonial ribbon at openings! Where I'll finally be able to use (He produces a pair of giant scissors from behind his back) these! You like them? I-I got 'em at a garage sale. (He leans the scissors onto a hydraulic pump, which leaks and releasing Perry from his trap.) Ah, see? Th-th-that's one of those hydraulic lines that, uh, goes to your— (Perry flings himself at Doofenshmirtz, who falls backwards, and then takes the inator, smashing it to pieces.) Aw, come on! One kick and you destroy my inator? Right? W-W-And what? You're just gonna thwart and run? I thought this was going to be a special extended episode! Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (A piece of the broken inator zaps up to the sky.) Aaah! Uh-oh. (The beam hits the satellite on top of Phineas and Ferb's space station, it bounces back, headed towards New York City. At the Statue of Liberty, a caption is seen saying "New York: Moments earlier...") Hot Dog Vendor: Hey, Vinnie, the usual? Vinnie: Yeah, same old, same old. (A building sign falls to the ground. We hear a generic hip hop song playing in the background Spider-Man web slings his way around.) (Song: These are My Streets) Alright, smart guy, think you must have made a mistake But I'm feelin' kinda generous I'll give you a break New Yorker: Go get 'em, Spider-Man! Spider-Man: Woo! (He gets splashed by a fire hydrant) I didn't know this was gonna be a pool party. I woulda brought my trunks! (Cut to another part of New York, where Thor, Iron Man, and the Hulk are battling with Venom and Whiplash. Iron Man zaps Venom. Whiplash whips a fire escape. Hulk attempts to run at him but gets trapped by the fire escape remains. He roars his way out of them and pulls a lamppost from the ground, flinging it at Whiplash, who takes a couple of pieces of it and flings them at Iron Man, who zaps Whiplash. Venom gets a jump on Hulk, who smashes him. Thor flies into Venom. Spidey finally arrives.) Iron Man: Oh, hey, kid! Glad you could make it! Spider-Man: (while webbing Venom) I'm just fashionably late. (Hulk throws the tied up Venom and Thor hammers Whiplash. Two big doors open revealing MODOK riding some big vehicle with Red Skull at the wheel.) Iron Man: Back off, fellas! If that thing firing anti-matter blasts, it's gonna pack a big punch! Hulk: I pack a bigger punch! (The anti-matter blasts into Hulk.) Red Skull: MODOK, take zem all out! (Spidey flings a web at MODOK ravelling his hands.) MODOK: Fool! Your webs cannot stop my mind! (He laughs) (One of the guns fires anti-matter at Spidey, but misses.) Spider-Man: Missed me! (Iron Man fires a blast from his chest, breaking the wheels of the vehicle. Thor hammers the vehicle and Hulk lifts it up and flings it into the Hudson River.) Iron Man: That's it for you creeps! Spider-Man: Ooh ooh! Can I web 'em up? (The -inator beam blasts the heroes.) Red Skull: Let's go! (The villains all flee but Red Skull bumps into MODOK.) Move, you big tin schnitzel! Thor: What was that? Spider-Man: I dunno. But they're getting away! (He attempts to climb a wall, but falls.) Whoa! Well, that's new. (Iron Man's suit powers down.) Iron Man: Something's wrong. I can't move! Thor: Sit tight! Mighty Mjolnir will bring them down! (He attempts to throw the hammer, but it crashes into the ground.) My strength, it's gone! Hulk: I'll go. (Hulk tries to smash, but nothing happens.) Iron Man: Somehow our powers have been drained. I need to get to JARVIS and figure this out. Let's get back to S.H.I.E.L.D. (The heroes all walk away, except for Iron Man who attempts to move, but remains immobile.) Hey, guys! My power's down and my suit's frozen! Could somebody get me a hand? Spider-Man: Hulk, can you carry him? Hulk: My power's gone, too. Iron Man: Oh, for— Well, can somebody find a furniture dolly? (Back in Danville the gang are being lowered onto a drill-like dome.) Buford: That was the best thing we've done this morning! (They lower into the ground and the dome disappears. Candace makes her perfectly timed busting entrance with her Mom.) Candace: Mom! Hurry! Here! Look! Phineas: Hi, Mom! Linda: Hi, kids! Candace: Why aren't you in space? Buford: Eh, we got hungry. Linda: Oh, that's my cue! I'll make you guys some snacks before I leave! (At the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier.) Spider-Man: Well, this stinks! Without my spider-powers, I'm just a guy in a body stocking! Thor: And I had to leave Mjolnir in the street! (Cutaway to New York where a female traffic cop is giving a ticket to Mjolnir for standing at a "No Stopping Anytime" sign. Cut back to the Helicarrier.) Thor: It just became too heavy. (Hulk comes in carrying Iron Man on a dolly.) Iron Man: At least you guys aren't locked inside this metal suit. Man, do I regret having that second cup of coffee this morning. Now we have to find out where that beam came from. Nick Fury: Danville. Danville, USA. Spider-Man: Have you been standing there this whole time? Nick Fury: Yes. Yes I have. (He walks to a screen which shows the inator beam hitting the space station satellite) The beam that hit you originated from the Tri-State Area, bounced off a space station satellite dish, and hit you in New York City during your fight. Spider-Man: Is that one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s? Nick Fury: No. It's theirs. (The space station image fades to Phineas and Ferb's images.) Spider-Man: Man, that kid's got a weird-shaped head. Iron Man: (jumping) Hey! Hey! Guys, I can't see with the— (falls down) Little help here? Hulk: I got him. (Norm is busy vacuuming up the debris from Doofenshmirtz's inator) Doofenshmirtz: Make sure you get all these little pieces over here, too. No no no, y-you're missing the big one. Norm: Okey-dokey! Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, Norm, the Power-Drain-inator did get one shot off before it died. I wonder if it hit anything. Gordon Gutsofanemu: (on television) Dateline: New York City. A mysterious ray has drained the power from four of our beloved superheroes. We now return you to Horse in a Bookcase, already in progress. Doofenshmirtz: That was me! Th-Th-That was me! I drained the power from those superheroes! Winning! Ooh, ooh, I should update my evil blog on the L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. site! (sits down at the computer and types) OMG! I drained all the powers from a group of superheroes in New York , and those powers belong to me now! Happy Emoticon (Typed out as :D :D :D) And send! Norm, let's get the powers out of the canister so I can start wielding them! I-I can't wait to fly and run fast and carry a big hammer around for no reason! Norm: Uh, sir, I hate to be the bearer of empty canisters, but this canister is empty. Doofenshmirtz: What?! So I don't have the powers? Norm: Time to blog a retraction, I guess. Doofenshmirtz: Uh, y'know, I'm not gonna change it. Everyone exaggerates on the Internet. (Cut to Red Skull's lair.) Red Skull: There vas a slight miscalculation. It becomes clearer upon seeing zis footage. Whiplash: That is more than a slight miscalculation, Red Skull. It's a major mistake! Venom: We could have destroyed the heroes once and for all! Red Skull: Enough! It doesn't change ze fact zat ze heroes are now powerless! Whiplash: Well, what could have happened to their powers? Red Skull: MODOK? MODOK: I, MODOK, the perfect combination of human intellect and machine, have interfaced with all of the digital information stored on the vast network, the World Wide Web! Whiplash: I can do the same thing with my phone. Plus I got free roaming! Venom: Nice! MODOK: As I was saying, I have found some puny inferior human known as Doofenshmirtz claiming that he has drained the heroes of all their superpowers. Red Skull: Hmm, Doofenshmirtz. Zat sounds Drusselshteinian. I have a cousin who married a Drusselshteinian. She is dead to me! So, who is zis Doofenshmirtz? MODOK: I'm projecting his image now. (Doof's image appears.) Red Skull: He is beautifully grotesque. Whiplash: All hideous and deformed. Venom: He must have some backstory. Red Skull: Vere can we find zis sideshow freak? MODOK: (showing an image of D.E.I.) He's in the Tri-State Area, Danville to be precise! Red Skull: Danville, eh? Gentlemen, it looks like we're going on an evil road trip. MODOK: Ooh, shotgun! Red Skull: YOU DO NOT FIT IN ZE SHOTGUN POSITION! (Cut to the backyard.) Phineas: Well, that was fun, and it's only 10:30. What else should we do today? Linda: Oh, hey, kids. I'm gonna be taking a walking tour of the Tri-State Area today. (her phone rings) Yes, Candace, you're in charge. Candace: Whoopee! Linda: Bye, kids. Phineas: Hey, where's Perry? Oh, there he is! (Cut back to D.E.I. A huge vehicle lowers onto the balcony. The supervillains exit from the door. Venom hisses. Cut to his foot to reveal that he stepped into a Perry the Platypus trapped. He gets his foot out of it.) Computer: Platypus trap engaged. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platyp—You're not Perry the Platypus! Who are you guys? Red Skull: Zis is Vhiplash, zis is Venom, and I am Red Skull. Doofenshmirtz: Yes. Yes, you are. Y'know, you really should use sunblock. Y-You're burned down to the bone. MODOK: I am MODOK, and you are the one they call "Doofenshmirtz". Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yeah. That's what they sing at the end of the birthday song...Ah, well, y'know, at least they...would have if...anybody ever sang...that song to me. Anyway...Hey, the floating head and little arms thing. I-I tried that back in the '90s. (Cutaway to Doof as a floating head with little arms.) Doofenshmirtz: I'll rule the Tri-State Areaaaa! (bumps into a wall) (End cutaway.) Doofenshmirtz: I could never maneuver out the front door, but I see you're pretty mobile. W-What are you guys doing here? Red Skull: Shos your davices, Doofenshmirtz! Doofenshmirtz: "Shess-so-davices?" I-Is that Latin? Red Skull: Show us your devices. Doofenshmirtz: I-I-I-I-I'm still not gettin' it. Anyone? Whiplash: I have no idea. Red Skull: (grunts) Show...us...your...devices! Doofenshmirtz: Oh, you want to see my inators! Man...Man, you've got quite an accent there! Alright, (walks up to an inator) here's what I'm workin' on now. Behold, the Slothinator! It will give me the powers of a sloth...which are super-slowness and super-leaf-eating. Red Skull: (to MODOK) Are you sure zis is ze right guy? MODOK: MODOK is infallible! Red Skull: Then he must be toying with us. Playing us for fools! He is even more diabolical than we thought! Doofenshmirtz: (holding up a branch) Seriously, I'll be able to eat this whole branch, but...y'know, like, slowly. (Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house. The doorbell rings.) Phineas: Ferb, are you expecting someone? (Ferb opens the door to reveal the superheroes.) Ferb: Not them. Act II (Open up on the Flynn-Fletcher house.) Spider-Man: (offscreen) Aren't you a little young to be stealing superheroes' superpowers? (Cut to the kitchen) Phineas: Yes. Yes, we would be, Spider-Man, if we actually did it. But like I said, I don't think we did. Iron Man: You can't see it, but I have a rather severe look of disappointment on my face. (Isabella walks up to Iron Man with a ladder and a juice box.) Isabella: This'll turn that tin frown upside-down! Thor: Juice in a box? We have nothing like this in Asgard. Hulk: (grunting) Straw cannot penetrate! Spider-Man: Hey, hey, hey! Calm blue ocean. (taking the juice box) Let me take care of that for ya, buddy. Iron Man: Thanks, Isabella. Well, the power-siphoning ray originated from the Tri-State Area. And I was thinking you guys would know something about it since it bounced off your space station. Phineas: Are you sure it was our space station? Hulk: It was shaped like your head. Phineas: Well, that sounds like ours, but we don't know anything about a power-siphoning ray. Iron Man: I was afraid of that. Well, the first thing we gotta do is get our powers back. Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna d— Candace: (coming down the stairs) Alright, boys and girls, listen up, Mom's on a walking tour of Danville and Dad's tinkering in the basement, so I'm in charge. That means no shenanigans! Hey, Spider-Man. So I'll be over at Stacy's all...d-d-d-daaay?! Spider-Man: 'Sup? Thor: Greetings, fair young maiden. Candace: It's super...heroes...in...duh...our...kitchen! Isabella: Candace is gonna lie down for a while. (Isabella leads Candace out.) Candace: Heroes... Thor... Hulk... Iron Man... In... Our... Kitchen... Uh... Isabella: That's it. Just breathe. They're only superheroes. Phineas: Looks like you guys have a fan. Iron Man: Oh, boy. (Tips over and an inexplicable cat is heard screeching.) Thor: And it's probably good she didn't see that. Iron Man: I'm okay. Phineas: Hey, where's Perry? (Cut to Agent P's lair where Agent P walks up to his chair.) Major Monogram: Have a seat, Agent P. (cut to reveal Monogram on an old black and white TV set) Due to the gravity of your mission today, the gentleman on the big screen will be addressing you (Wide shot to reveal Fury on the big screen) while I use this old TV monitor Carl found in the basement. Carl: (offscreen) Sorry, sir, I couldn't get the split-screen to work. Major Monogram: Anyway, this is director Nick Fury of S-H-I-E-L-D. Nick Fury: That's S.H.I.E.L.D.! It's an acronym. Major Monogram: Oh, like "OWCA". Nick Fury: Yes, except it's cool. Now, where is your agent, Major? Major Monogram: He's sitting right there. Nick Fury: You mean behind the platypus? Major Monogram: No, that's Secret Agent Perry the Platypus. Nick Fury: Is he some kind of super-platypus with super-platypus powers? Major Monogram: (suddenly wearing an eyepatch) Uh...no. Nick Fury: Does he have some kind of robotic platypus exoskeleton? Major Monogram: He, uh, he has a fedora. Nick Fury: Hey, wait a minute, were you wearing that eyepatch when we started?! Major Monogram: Oh, this? Uh, yeah. It's, uh, doctor's orders. I have a stye. Carl: (offscreen) He thinks it makes him look cool. Major Monogram: No I don't. Nick Fury: I'm going to proceed as if this were going really well. Agent P, Iron Man, Hulk, Thor and Spider-Man have lost their superpowers to a mysterious power-siphoning ray, which we believe originated somewhere in the Danville area. We fear a group of supervillains are closing in. We need you to monitor the situation and report back. (Monogram is now wearing eyepatches on both eyes.) Francis, I'm gonna need you to—Now what are you doing? Carl: (offscreen) He thinks two eyepatches make him look twice as cool. Major Monogram: I don't know what you're talking about. (Fury groans.) (Cut to D.E.I.) Doofenshmirtz: Welcome to my Hall of Inators. Ah, here's a good one. This is my Oatmeal-to-Porridge-inator. I know. It's a fine distinction. Don't get me started. And here's my Multi-Helio-Tactical-Baboon-Glom-inator. I-I-I think that one is self-explanatory. Oh, and, uh, here's my Waffle-inator, and the Junk-Mail-inator... Red Skull: I do not understand. Zees machines are useless. What is wrong wis zis man? Whiplash: Maybe he is a misunderstood genius. Red Skull: Or maybe he is a perfectly understood idiot. Doofenshmirtz: And, finally, my Disintegrator-inator. Pretty impressive, huh? Red Skull: Vere is ze machine zat took away the powers of the heroes? Doofenshmirtz: Oh, my Power-Drain-inator! Ooh, that was a cool one! And it was...destroyed by my nemesis, Perry the Platypus. You just missed him. Red Skull: Perry ze Platypus? Is he a super-soldier platypus? Doofenshmirtz: No. Venom: Was he bitten by a radioactive platypus? Doofenshmirtz: No, he's, uh, just a regular crime-fighting platypus. Red Skull: It is no matter! You will rebuild ze machine! Doofenshmirtz: Oh, so we're workin' together now! Great! I'll be the leader! I've always wanted an evil entourage. Whiplash: Let's destroy him. Red Skull: Nein. Let him think he is in charge. Ven he has exceeded his usefulness, ve vill give him to MODOK to destroy. Whiplash: Hey, where is MODOK? (Cut to reveal MODOK stuck behind the door.) MODOK: D'oh! Curse you, Danville, town of small doors! Doofenshmirtz: Listen, before I rebuild the machine, I've got some errands to run. You guys should come with. (Red Skull hisses) Is your head gonna burst into flames or am I thinking of somebody else? (Cut to the backyard where Phineas and Ferb are standing before the superheroes and the rest of the gang in front of a small shed with the sign "S.H.E.D." on it.) Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen...and Hulk, allow me to unveil our Secret Hideout for Emergency Defects. Or S.H.E.D. for short. Iron Man: I think we're gonna need something a little...bigger. Phineas: Oh, the rustic exterior's a facade. Wait'll you see the inside! (They go inside S.H.E.D. to reveal it is much larger on the inside.) Iron Man: Oh, man! You guys are good! Ferb: Just a little British sci-fi technology. Thor: Iron Man, looks like someone raided your armory. Phineas: Oh, you like that, huh? This is The Beak Suit Mark 2. We're still working on the waterproofing so we can't take it out in the rain. Iron Man: You know, Stark Industries offers summer internships. Phineas: Thanks, but this summer's pretty packed. Iron Man: Apparently. Phineas: (handing some cards to the gang and the superheroes) And these are your S.H.E.D. key card IDs. They'll get you into all areas of the compound. Spider-Man: Ooh! And they're laminated! (Song: Free (instrumental)) Candace: (entering with a comic book) Um, hi. Heh. Would you guys read my fan-fiction? It's a story where Thor and Hulk decide to learn ice skating and— Spider-Man: I'm sorry, but we're not allowed to accept unsolicited material. Isabella: Candace, I didn't know you were a fangirl. Candace: Oh, sure. From way back. It started 'cause I had to do a lot of research to get up to speed for the Ducky Momo superhero crossover event. (Cutaway to a Japanese promo.) (Song: J-Pop (Welcome to Tokyo) (instrumental)) Japanese Announcer: Quack quack Ducky Momo-san Sūpāhīrōdesu! (End cutaway.) Phineas: Okay, superheroes. We have to get to work building a device that will restore your powers. Candace: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Hehehehehehehe! (Cut to around Danville. Doof and the villains go around town to baroque pop music, such as jaywalking.) (Song: My Evil Buddies and Me) Steppin' out with my brand new crew, Nobody's gonna tell us what we can't do Or where we can go, or what we can see In this town everyone will listen to me. My evil buddies and me! (Unnamed Pop Trio: Shoop doo be doo doop! ) Me and my evil friends! (Shoop doo be doo doop doop doo!) When we're off together wreaking havoc, The fun just never ends. We're steain' coins from wishin' wells We're cleanin' clocks and ringin' bells We're a rovin' pack of ne'er-do-wells, you see, My evil buddies and me! (Shoop doo be doo doop doop doo be doop! Shoop doo be doo doop doop doo be doop!) My evil buddies and me! My evil entourage! If you see us out carousing, You better stay in your garage. We're perpetratin' misdemeanors, We're stealin' bags from vacuum cleaners, We're the jerks who stole all those wieners from that guy. My evil buddies and I! (Shoop doo be doo doop doop doo be doo! Shoop doo be doo doop!) My evil buddies and I! (Cut back to S.H.E.D.) Phineas: Until we find out what happened to your actual powers, this machine should be able to replicate them temporarily. Everyone in position and we'll start calibrating! Candace: Let's get our hero on! Phineas: Just a minute, Candace. We all set? Ferb: All set. Just as soon as I— Candace: Great! All set! (Candace pushes the red button.) Ferb: ...lock down the power assignments and reverse polarity. Phineas: Candace, what did you do?! Candace: Uh-oh. (The machine begins to rumble and then explodes.) Phineas: Are you guys okay? Thor: By Odin's beard, I feel invigorated! (Jumps up high) Candace: See? It worked! Hmm? Phineas: Well, not exactly. Look. (Cut to reveal Thor sticking to the ceiling a la Spidey.) Thor: Something is not right. (Cut to the Googolplex Mall. The villains go down the down escalator while Doof goes down the up escalator.) Doofenshmirtz: Woo! Oh, boy, that was great! Hey, I've got an idea, let's go get some ice cream and spoil our dinner! I mean, who's gonna tell us no? Whiplash: That's it! I've had it! We're wasting our time! (takes out his whips and whips a Ducky Momo kiosk) We need to bring the heroes to us! (The kiosk smashes to pieces leaving several patrons to run for cover.) Kiosk Girl: Well... (Cut back to S.H.E.D.) Phineas: Something's gone terribly wrong, Candace! You've swapped all their powers. (Cut to Thor wall crawling.) Obviously, Thor's got Spider-Man's powers. (Cut to Spidey lifting up something heavy.) Spider-Man got Hulk's powers. Spider-Man: Yeah, I could get used to this! Baljeet: I-I have a fear of heights. Could you please put us down? Phineas: Iron Man must have Thor's powers. Candace: Well, at least he can move now. Phineas: Everyone has new superpowers except Hulk. He must have Iron Man's powers. But without the suit, there's not much there. Hulk: I am feeling entrepreneurial. Phineas: At least his vocabulary's improved. Iron Man: So give me the hammer. What do I do? I just stick out my hand, right? Come on, baby, come to papa! Thor: That is not how it works. Iron Man: Whadaya mean? I got your powers. Thor: Wielding Mjolnir is about worthiness, not power. Iron Man: Really? Thor: It's a fine distinction, but an important one. Iron Man: Potato, potahto. (pause) Thor: I do not know what that means. Iron Man: Okay, nevermind. What about the lightning? How do I control that? Thor: Actually, that only works with the hammer. Iron Man: What about flying? I've seen you fly. Thor: Well, yes. But not without the— Iron Man: Not without the hammer. Right. Phineas: This is a disaster, Candace! Candace: Look, it was an accident! But I can still help! I know that the villains will— Phineas: No! You don't know! The entire Tri-State Area, and, possibly, the world is at stake here! Honestly, Candace, if you don't know what you're doing, keep your hands off the machinery! Candace: Well, then, maybe I should just leave! Phineas: Yeah! Maybe you should! (Candace exits sadly.) (Cut to three television screens with the words "RELEVANT NEWS BROADCAST" on them.) Gordon Gutsofanemu: Alert! Alert! Relevant news broadcast intercepted! (The gang and the heroes walk up to the TVs.) This just in: Disaster in Danville! Horse in a Bookcase is cancelled after a nineteeen-year run. Also, (Image of the Googolplex Mall appears on screen.) chaos at the Googolplex Mall! (Image of Venom, Whiplash and Red Skull in the mall appears on screen.) An evil entourage of three supervillains (file photo of Doof appears on screen) and what appears to be a pharmacist (image of MODOK appears on screen) and a giant chicken egg with a face are bustin' up the place somethin' fierce! Thor: We are needed! Phineas: But you can't! Your powers! They're not fixed yet! We just need more time. Iron Man: I know, Phineas, but we're heroes. This is what we do. (They leave.) Phineas: Wait, can we help? Iron Man: Not unless you can fly. (Phineas and Ferb look aside. Cut to the Beak suit.) Phineas: Well, it's not raining! (Fist bumps Ferb.) (Cut to above the Tri-State Area. The Beak flies up taking the heroes with him.) The Beak: Bacaw! Woohoo! (Cut to the Googolplex Mall, where the villains are causing all sorts of terror.) Red Skull: This should get their attention. (Evil laughter) (The heroes and the Beak appear in a crack in the mall.) Spider-Man: Looks like somebody left the door open! Iron Man: Alright, gang, it's showtime! Everybody ready? Spider-Man: I feel pretty good. Hulk: I'd feel better with a metal suit. The Beak: Sorry, big guy, no time! Iron Man: (pointing up) Look! Red Skull: Ah, ze superheroes are here to save the day. But without your powers, zis is just a costume party. MODOK, destroy them! MODOK: Yes, I will take great pleasure in destroying these puny heroes! Spider-Man: I got 'im, guys! Spider-Man smash! (Spidey smashes through the roof of the Googolplex Mall while Linda is outside listening on her headphones oblivious) Tour Guide: Looking to your left you'll see... Spider-Man: Whoooa! Whoooooaaa! Hulk: Was he makin' fun of me? Thor: A little, yes. (Thor clings onto a part of the wall while Hulk roars. Hulk attempts to punch Venom but Venom gets the upper hand and throws him into Rogers Appliances store.) Whiplash: They still have their powers! Red Skull: Yes, but they are all mixed up! (He lifts Doof up by his lab coat) Zis your doing!? Doofenshmirtz: Uh, I don't remember making a Power-Switch-inator, but, ih, y'know, I make a lot of inators! (Red Skull tosses Doof who crashes into some tables. MODOK blasts some beams towards Iron Man.) Iron Man: Y'know, it'd be really nice right now to have the power to throw a hammer! Thor: I told you it's not about power, it's about worthiness! (sigh) It's like talking to a Bilgesnipe. (Whiplash wields his whips again.) The Beak: Bacaw! (Whiplash whips the Beak in two.) MODOK: Hey, what's going on?! (Pan down to reveal Thor carrying MODOK. He attempts to throw him, but cannot let go.) Thor: I find myself in a sticky situation. Oh no, I've received Spider-Man's propensity for puns! (Cut to Whiplash. Ferb kicks him with the legs. Phineas trips him with the body. Whiplash strikes the fountain electrocuting the suit.) Phineas: Now I wish we'd prioritized the waterproofing. (MODOK, still stuck to Thor, blasts beams all over the mall, finally striking Iron Man. Hulk comes out wearing various appliances and pots and pans.) Hulk: Now I'm Iron Man! (The real Iron Man crashes into the impostor. Spidey finally comes down to Earth crashing on an eyeglass kiosk.) Spider-Man: Okay, that time, I overshot the mark. Oh, hey, Venom. What'd I miss? (Venom grabs Spidey, choking him.) Phineas: Spider-Man, are you okay? Spider-Man: Could be worse! At least Iron Man and Thor are... (Cut to MODOK harming Thor.) Well, at least Iron Man... Iron Man: (tied up in Whiplash's whips) Sorry, gang. A little tied up at the moment. Spider-Man: Okay, nevermind. It couldn't be worse! Act III (Open up on the Googolplex Mall.) Stan Lee: (voiceover) Welcome back, faithful viewers! When last we left our handsome heroes, their fate hung in the balance in a cataclysmic cliffhanger. Red Skull: Zis vas all too easy. The time for heroes is over. Now all will bow to us. Und nossing vill save you now. (Cut up to reveal a mysterious shadowed figure coming down on a hoverboard into the destroyed glass ceiling. Closeup to reveal that it is in fact Agent P, now wearing a superhero costume and mask. Perry flies his hoverboard into MODOK. He steps on a pedal releasing some fog.) Red Skull: (coughing) Stop him! (Perry steps onto another pedal on the hoverboard and some ropes are released grabbing Phineas, Ferb, and the heroes. He lifts them up to safety.) Spider-Man: Hey, Duck Guy, thanks for the rescue! (to Iron Man) Do we tip him? Iron Man: He's not parking our car. Spider-Man: I just don't know the etiquette. Red Skull: Dah! Who vas that masked...beaver...duck? MODOK: MODOK will exterminate all beaver-ducks! Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, none of this would have happened if we had just gone out for ice cream like I suggested! (Cut to the backyard, where Perry lowers Phineas, Ferb, and the heroes by S.H.E.D.) Thor: (to Agent P) Thank you, small but mighty friend! Phineas: You know, he seemed vaguely familiar. Spider-Man: Ya think that was Howard the Duck? Iron Man: Time is of the essence. We've gotta—No, it wasn't Howard the Duck! Spider-Man: What? I'm just sayin'. Hulk: He did have a bill. Iron Man: Anyway, we need to regroup and figure out a plan B. Phineas: Right! Back to S.H.E.D.-quarters! (Cut to inside S.H.E.D., where Isabella is reading a comic book, and Buford, Baljeet and Candace are busy building something.) Phineas: Hi, guys! Buford: So, how'd it go? Iron Man: We got our butts handed to us. (to Spidey) How was Venom able to overpower you when you had Hulk's strength? Spider-Man: I don't know. I'm...I'm not feeling it anymore. Thor: Wait, let me try something. (runs to the wall and jumps up, but falls down.) I did not stick. Phineas: I was afraid of that. The powers are not bonding with your cel structures. Iron Man: Yes, my suit is getting heavier again. But at least having Thor's strength unlocked the joints so I could move. Baljeet: Perhaps we can give you a recharge, but, of course, this time with the correct powers. We have been working on rebuilding the machine. Candace: And I'm helping! Phineas: (taking off the Beak's torso) You are? Candace: I'm redeeming myself. Baljeet: Yes, and we are almost done with the first component. Buford: Hulk's gamma-ray concentration beam. Brawn first, right, big guy? (Hulk hits his chest twice and points.) Phineas: That's great! Iron Man: So have you done a base level particle acceleration yet? Baljeet: I was just about to. Iron Man: It's really important to make sure you start with a base level. Phineas: Oh, sure. Otherwise the gamma-rays would... (During this conversation, Candace looks aside to see it is not plugged in.) Candace: Wait, lemme get this for ya. (plugs it in) Phineas: Whoa! Who plugged— Baljeet: Uh...oh... (The ray zaps Baljeet who turns green and hulks out.) Hulkjeet: Baljeet smash! (Smashes the machine to pieces and runs out crashing through the wall running by the Garcia-Shapiro house and jumping off.) Candace: Wow. There's something you don't see every— (sees Phineas' über-ticked-off expression) What? What? Phineas: Really, Candace?! Do you have any idea what you just did?! Candace: I was just trying to help. Phineas: Well, your help this morning messed up so badly, we came this close to being wiped out at the mall! I thought you've learned your lesson! Candace: But...but I— Phineas: "But" no! You show up again to help, and now Baljeet has been hulkified and is rampaging who knows where! And we're back to square one with restoring the heroes' powers! Candace: But...but— Phineas: This is just too important! And we can't afford any more setbacks! (Takes off her lanyard) I'm revoking your S.H.E.D. card! (Tears up the card.) You have to go! Now! (Candace walks away to sad piano music a la David Banner in The Incredible Hulk TV show.) Buford: I've always told her: Don't ever make Phineas angry. You wouldn't like it when he's angry. (Candace looks back in guilt before walking out the door.) Isabella: Oh no! Baljeet! We've gotta go after him! Thor: Sadly, there is no time! Our mission lies elsewhere! Isabella: Well, I'll go after him then! Buford: Nah, nah. I'll go! You stay here, little girl, it might get ugly. Isabella: What? You don't think I can handle ugly? I've been hangin' out with you all summer! Buford: Sticks and stones! (Cut to Perry flying above the Tri-State Area. His watch beeps.) Nick Fury: Greetings, Agent P! S.H.I.E.L.D. has gotten intel that the supervillains are holed up in downtown Danville in an oddly-shaped building with its own jingle. We need you to find out what they're up to! (Perry's other watch beeps.) Major Monogram: (now sporting an eyepatch and a goatee like Fury) And neutralize them if possible, Agent P! Nick Fury: Monogram! Seriously, the beard, too?! Major Monogram: You're not the only one who can rock an awesome face mullet, Fury! (Perry flies to D.E.I.) Doofenshmirtz: (standing in front of an inator) And see, it takes four orbs of mundanium finite to power it. It would only take one orb of Pizzazium Infinionite but that's so hard to find. Oh, don't get me started! So we just lock the module in here and...Viola! Yeah, I know, it's a large violin. I-I don't know why people say that. Anyhoo, what did you guys need a second Power-Drain-inator for? Red Skull: So we won't have to deal vit your idiocy anymore! (Takes out a remote and traps Doof in a cage.) Doofenshmirtz: Wait, that's not nice! I-I thought we were buds! We were amigos! We had...We had a song and everything! Red Skull: Your little musical interlude vas a pleasant diwersion at best! You see, ve're not going to take over ze Tri-State Area. We are going to completely destroy it and show vat vill happen if anyone attempts to swart our plan! Doofenshmirtz: Did you just say, "Swart our plan"? Red Skull: No. Swart! Sw- Vit a T-H! Swart! Doofenshmirtz: Oh, "thwart"! Yeah, it makes more sense. I think that maybe you should go see a speech pathologist or a-a-a dialect coach or someth— Red Skull: SILENCE! Vunce ve've made our point, we will use our contraption to draw avay ze powers of all ze superheroes on ze planet! And take over ze world! Doofenshmirtz: Wow, you guys really think big! Red Skull: But first, Venom, squash our little fly on ze ceiling! (Venom stretches his arm out and Perry dodges it. He attempts to sneak away on the pipe, but Whiplash whips it. Perry holds onto it, but Venom grabs him and he gets trapped...again.) Red Skull: Now we go and send a little message to our handicapped heroes. Come! Schnell! Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) You're not very good at thwarting. I...I should hook you up with my nemesis Perry the Platypus for some pointers. It's an art form for him. (Cut to another part of Danville. Hulkjeet crashes into the pavement and roars, picking up a tiny car, emptying it with thousands of clowns, and throws the car into a building.) Hulkjeet: BALJEET SMASH! (He smashes the road and roars, and dives into the crack, picking up a subway train and lifting it. Pan to Linda still on her walking tour.) Tour Guide: The courtyard also features a statue of Franz the Elephant. (Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house. Cut to Candace's bedroom where she is lying down in sorrow. Isabella is standing next to her.) Isabella: (sadly) Hey, Candace. What'cha doin'? Candace: Just laying here. Utterly dejected. Isabella: I hear you. None of the women superheroes showed up, so it's all about testosterone and...powers and...fighting, which... (shrugs) yeah. Candace: I was only trying to help but all I did was mess things up. (sigh) I'm useless. Isabella: I know exactly how you feel. (Song: Only Trying To Help) Well, it's all about the boys Playing with their macho toys And they're making so much noise I didn't really want to shout. Candace: My presence felt like an intrusion, Causing way too much confusion. Now I've been sent into seclusion, I've been banished and cast out. Candace and Isabella: (in harmony) I'm not tryin' to place the blame, But I feel it just the same. That we could be, yes, we should be In the game. My spirit's feelin' daunted, I'm not sure I'm all that wanted Though I'm acting nonchalant it's clear I'm starting to doubt myself. Don't want to sound too stoic. I'm not feeling that heroic. No matter what I do I blow it And I'm only trying to help. (By this point, the girls walk downstairs up to the screen door where it looks like it is raining.) Only trying to help. Only trying to help. Candace: Only trying to help. Only trying to help. Only trying to help. Only trying to help. Isabella: I'm only trying to help. I'm only trying to help out. I'm only trying to help now. I'm only... Candace: Only trying to help. Isabella: ...trying to help, Phineas. Lawrence: Hello, girls. (Wide shot to reveal the "rain" is actually the sprinkler.) Don't mind me. I'm just givin' the lawn a bit of a drink. (turns it off) It's off now. (Cut back to Hulkjeet. Buford approaches him.) Buford: Hey, Baljeet! (Hulkjeet roars and picks Buford up by the shirt.) Heh heh heh...heh...I'm so happy that I found you! I worry about you, you know. Because...you're my best friend. (Hulkjeet dehulks back into his normal self.) Baljeet: Ah. Thanks, Buford. I did not like being an angry monster. Buford: I'm glad. Because you weren't very good at it anyway! Baljeet: Really? I think I was actually quite terrifying. Buford: Oh, come on! You're totally green! (No pun intended.) For example, when you grab somebody's shirt (grabs Baljeet's shirt) and lift 'em up... Baljeet: Hey! Buford: ...ya gotta twist it first! (demonstrates) And you yell REALLY LOUD! (Baljeet hulks out again.) Hulkjeet: (roars and lifts Buford back up) DO NOT YELL AT BALJEET LIKE THAT! (throws Buford and roars and runs) (Buford lands on a conveniently placed pillow. Zoom out to reveal he landed in Ultra-Soft Bedding Warehaüs.) Buford: Okay, the throwin' was good! But when you grabbed my shirt, you didn't twist! I swear, it's like in one ear and right out de other! Oh, oh! Baljeet, wait up! (goes after him) (Cut to Danville City Hall where a giant crowd of people is seeing the supervillains make an announcement.) Red Skull: Citizens of Danville and ze surrounding Tri-State Area, prepare for your imminent end! Unless Iron Man, Spider-Man, Zor and Hulk show up to face us, we will unleash a device a zousand times vorse zan ze von zat hit zem! (pointing to the device behind him) Thanks to MODOK's modifications, our Power-Drain-inator doesn't merely drain power. It drains energy, matter, everything the target vas! (presses a button) Observe. (The inator activates. Cut to another part of Danville where the Excelsior! hot dog vendor from New York is giving a hot dog. The inator beam blasts and makes the stand disappear.) Hot Dog Vendor: Aw, man! And I just moved here from New York, cuz I thought it would be safer! (Cut to S.H.E.D. where Phineas and Ferb are repairing the Beak suit. Red Skull's image appears on a TV laughing evilly.) Phineas: Uh, guys, you better come see this. Red Skull: So, heroes, eizer you come down here and face us, or ve vill unleash zis veapon on ze entire Tri-State Area! (Laughs evilly) Thor: Ah! The fiend! Spider-Man: I actually missed a lot of that with the accent, but I got that it's bad. Phineas: Oh, man. What're we gonna do? Thor: What we have to. Phineas: But you have no powers. Iron Man: That doesn't matter. We've gotta fight back with whatever we've got left. Thor: Being a hero isn't the armor you wear. But the metal in your spirit and the steel in your resolve. (The heroes walk out the hole in the wall Hulkjeet left.) Spider-Man: Man, that was eloquent. All I ever do is quips. Like this one, for instance. And the one preceding it. Iron Man: Can we please not kill the gravitas of this moment? Spider-Man: Sorry. Act IV (Open up where we last left Phineas and Ferb, still fixing up the suit.) Phineas: Man! We've got a lot to do if we're gonna get this suit back online. I think we can get 60% function back if we reroute the power flow through the backup circuits. (Cut to outside S.H.E.D. Candace and Isabella walk up to the door.) Candace: Maybe if I just go in and apologize one more time they'll forgive me. I have a stomachache, I feel so bad. Isabella: They're your brothers. They'll listen. (Cut back to inside where the girls approach the boys.) Candace: Phineas, look, I'm sorry. Phineas: How did you get in? I thought I revoked your S.H.E.D. ID. Candace: Isabella gave me her guest pass. Phineas: Fine, but...don't touch anything. Candace: Ferb, you've gotta listen to me! Phineas: (to Ferb) The shoulder joint's ready. (climbing down the ladder) Excuse me, Candace. Candace: Phineas, can't you stop and listen? Phineas: Candace, you don't understand! The guys are in trouble! If we can't get downtown to help them, this may be their final battle! (Ferb gives Phineas the arm and they climb up the ladder.) (Cut to Downtown Danville, where the villains are all waiting.) Whiplash: The heroes are not coming! Red Skull: Oh, don't worry. They'll come. MODOK: My sensors tell me the heroes are approaching. (A bus arrives and stops at its designated stop.) Red Skull: Perfect! Zey're on ze bus! (The villains approach the bus. The doors open and a little old lady exits with her walker.) Little Old Lady: Outta my way, you weirdos! It's worse than Portland! (The heroes all come out of the bus. Hulk roars and attempts to punch Venom, but Venom attacks Hulk. Thor tries to come after Venom, but he grabs Thor, trapping him against the bus. MODOK beams Spidey into a mindball.) Spider-Man: A mindball? Really? Hey, MODOK, can you feel it in your brain when I go like this? (rubs his hands against the ball) Red Skull: Ve have zem now! Whiplash: What about old lady? Red Skull: Eh? Oh, she is not—She is not vis zem! (Cut to D.E.I.) Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) So you're a superhero, huh? Don't you have some sort of power to get us out of this? (Perry pushes a button on his utility belt) Hey...Oh, wow! You've got...super wire cutters, huh? Oh, what are they, nail clippers that got bitten by radioactive pinching shears? (Cut back to S.H.E.D.) Phineas: (sitting in the Beak suit) We've only got half the server motors on the right side online. Candace: This isn't funny, guys! You can't go! It's not safe! Isabella: Phineas! Phineas: Don't worry, Isabella. Initiate launching sequence, Ferb. (The rocket jets appear from the butt, but one goes back in.) Isabella: Phineas, you've only got one butt jet! Phineas: Well, that'll have to do. Bacaw! (launches) Candace: Phineas! The Beak: (flying all willy-nilly) Whoa! Whoa! (Cut back to downtown Danville) Red Skull: (to Iron Man) Pasetic! Look at how you've vasted your lives! Protecting zees humans, who are so qvick to abandon you in your hour of need! (Whiplash throws Iron Man into the sky.) Red Skull: Vhiplash! Whiplash: What? Red Skull: I vas talking to him! Whiplash: Sorry. Red Skull: Look around you! Now zat you have no powers, you have no friends, no allies, you have nussing! (Hulkjeet arrives to save Iron Man.) Iron Man: We have a Baljeet. Hulkjeet: Hulkjeet. Iron Man: Oh, my bad. Apparently he prefers to be known as "Hulkjeet". (The Beak arrives.) And this thing. The Beak: Bacaw! Iron Man: If it's a bird, it's with us, too. (Agent P flies in) The flying duck with a beaver tail. We got him! (Waffles fall from the sky) But I gotta level with ya, I have no idea who's shooting waffles. (Cut to D.E.I. to reveal Doof firing waffles from his Waffle-inator.) Doofenshmirtz: Woo-hoo! Top of the world, Ma! Spider-Man: Yo, Red, (holding the orbs) is this doohickey important? Red Skull: Ze mundanium finite reactor core! Spider-Man: Huh. I guess it is important. (runs off) Red Skull: Go get him! I shall guard ze inator! (gets waffled) (Cut to the park. Spidey runs off with the reactor. Venom crashes into some springy kiddie rides. Whiplash attempts to attack him, but hits an umbrella. Spidey almost gets crushed but gets saved by Hulkjeet.) Spider-Man: Thanks, Baljeet! Hulkjeet: Hulkjeet! (MODOK crashes through the umbrella. Perry crashes into MODOK. Venom goes after Spidey, but the Beak blocks him.) The Beak: Bacaw! Spider-Man: Woo! (Whiplash goes after Spidey, but Hulkjeet smashes him and roars.) (Cut back to Candace and Isabella as we left them.) Candace: (pacing back and forth) There's one thing I don't understand about the lost superpowers. In all the comics I've read, energy can never be destroyed. Only morphed into a different form or contained somehow. Isabella: Candace, when we were up at the space station, we were collecting and containing data! Candace: You were up in what? Isabella: Come on! (Cut to the backyard.) Isabella: Have a seat. Candace: What are you talking about? Isabella: Just go with it. (They sit down on the ground and the module from the beginning of the episode reappears.) Candace: Oh, that's where this thing was! (Cut back to the battle. Spidey is still running with the reactor core. He gets saved by Iron Man driving a golf cart.) Spider-Man: Fast cart! Iron Man: Yeah, I souped it up! Spider-Man: (gives Iron Man the reactor core) Here! Hold this! (goes to the back and gets the caddy bag) You mind if I play through? (Unzips the front pocket emptying it of all the tees. Whiplash slips on the tees. Spidey gets out a club with dog-shaped cover on it and throws the caddy bag at Venom.) Go get 'im, boy! (Throws the club at MODOK.) Good dog! (Red Skull walks up, but is startled by Buford in...yep, you guessed it...a bear suit holding a fish.) Bear Boy: Beware Bear Boy! (slaps the fish at Red Skull) (Hulk and Thor approach two little kids.) Hulk: Now you kids stay back! Hmm? (Hulk and Thor look at the bike and skateboard the kids have with them.) (Cut to the space station.) Candace: You don't think it's weird the space station looks like Phineas? Isabella: If by "weird" you mean "dreamy". Candace: Oh, brother. Isabella: Look! The collection tank! There's something glowing in there! It's gotta be the powers! Candace: (looking through a telescope) Looks like the fight's begun! Now make the powers blast out...down there and stuff. Isabella: I don't know how to do that! Candace: Whadaya mean? Didn't Phineas explain how to— Isabella: Yeah. It was like, "Isabella...blah blah blah blah blah...Isabella...blah blah blah blah blah..." He was dressed like an astronaut! I was distracted! (Cut back to the battle. Spidey and Iron Man hit MODOK with their golf cart. Whiplash whips it in two. Iron Man gets surrounded by the villains. Hulk, now riding the kid's bike, grabs the reactor core from Iron Man. Thor appears on the other kid's skateboard. Hulk throws the reactor core. Whiplash is about to intercept but gets slapped by Bear Boy's fish. Thor catches the reactor core. MODOK attempts to zap Thor. He retrieves the reactor core, but gets waffled. Spidey attempts to catch the reactor core, but Whiplash whips it. The Beak finally catches it. However, Red Skull tugs on it. It falls apart.) Red Skull: Ze mundanium finite! (to Venom) Get zose orbs! (Venom slashes the Beak's torso and Ferb pops out. The heroes and the gang chase after it. Cut to Doof.) Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, these waffles aren't enough. I...I wish I could just disintegrate them all. (gasp) Oh, right! The Disintegrator-inator! Duh! (switches it on, nothing happens) I don't know what I was—Hey! (flips the switch up and down) Hey, what's wrong? Hmmm. (picks up the unplugged plug) Oh, here's the problem. (He walks up to an extension cord outlet, but the plug is too short.) Okay, I just need an extension cord this long. (Runs off.) (Cut back to the space station.) Candace: Isabella, (points to a big red button) I think this is the button that'll release the superpowers! Isabella: How can you tell? Candace: Well, it's red, see? And there's some red detailing on that collector thing, so it's gotta be it. Isabella: That's a very irrational and reckless deduction. Candace: No, Isabella! I've failed twice already so the third time's a charm! (Isabella gasps loudly as Candace pushes the button. An alarm goes off.) Computer: System shutting down. Candace: Uh-oh. Computer: Anti-gravitational jets disabled. Isabella: Candace! Computer: Orbit decaying. Candace: We're falling back to Earth! Computer: Fuel systems immobilized. Social network friends...defriended. Candace: Oh, now that's just mean! Act V (Open up on D.E.I.) Doofenshmirtz: Okay, this long. This long, lessee. (gets out a few extension cords) Too short. Too short. Too long. Way too short! Why would I even have this?! (Cut to Linda on her tour.) Tour Guide: If you look to your left, you will see the J.P. McHenry Building, built in the art deco style. (Behind her, the battle still rages on.) And on your right is Danville's oldest arcade, built in 1982. (Cut back to the battle. One of the orbs is on a fountain. Spider-Man attempts to reach to it, as do MODOK and Venom. They are smashed by Hulkjeet. The Beak catches the orb, but Whiplash takes out the arm that holds it, ripping it off and causing a fire.) The Beak: Talk about being disarmed. (Ferb extinguishes the flames. Cut to Whiplash taking the orb from the arm's grip. The Beak runs after him, but the suit falls apart.) The Beak: That's not good. (Cut to another orb rolling on the ground. Venom goes after it, but Bear Boy's fish swallows it.) Hulk: Hey! Over here! (Bear Boy throws the orb to Hulk, but Venom intercepts it. Thor and Perry carry the other orbs, but get zapped by MODOK. The villains put the orbs back into the reactor core.) Red Skull: Enough of zis foolishness! (Places the reactor core back into the inator) Our triumph is at hand! (The inator activates.) And now, behold, ze destruction of ze entire Tri-State— (The space station crashes into the villains and the inator.) Phineas: Hey, Ferb, is that our space station? (The "mouth" opens to reveal Candace and Isabella, with Candace's foot on the tank.) Candace: Yo, heroes, got a little somethin' for ya! (rolls down the tank) Phineas: Candace! The data collection tank! Of course! Spider-Man: Great job! Somebody's using their spider sense. Candace: I learned from the best, Spidey! (MODOK's mindball squeezes the villains out from under the wreckage.) Red Skull: Get up! Get zem, you fools! (Phineas and Ferb activate the tank. A spout appears out of one end of it and zaps the heroes.) (Song: Feelin' Super) Feelin' super, super, Oh, you know I'm feelin' super, super, Uh, I'm always feelin' super, super! Ya gotta take a step back! I'm feelin' super, super, Oh, you know I'm feelin' super, super, Uh, I'm always feelin' super, super! I run so fast I got a speedin' ticket from a state trooper! Thor: Hmm. (After the heroes get zapped, Iron Man finally jets up, Spidey web slings, Hulk smashes the tank, and Thor reaches out his hand to retrieves Mjolnir, which, by this time, is completely covered in parking tickets.) Thor: (shakes the tickets off to reveal a parking boot on the hammer) Oh, for crying out loud! (He tears the boot off and reaches the hammer out. Candace smiles and touches Mjolnir and giggles giddily.) Candace: Hee-hee-hee-hee! Red Skull: (growls) I zink perhaps our window of opportunity has closed. Phineas: Well, Iron Man, looks like you're functioning at full capacity. Iron Man: Yep. Why don't you kids take five? Enjoy the show. Ferb: Oh, this is going to be sweet. Phineas: Yeah it is! (Song: Feeling Froggy) (Hulk roars, and we see an Avengers-style revolving camera shot of all the heroes, including Agent P.) Oh yeah! (Cut to the gang sitting on the step of a gazebo eating popcorn. Hulkjeet dehulks back to his old self.) Buford: Better? (Cut back to the battle.) What are you lookin' at? You think you're kinda bad? I know you're thinkin' that you wanna try to knock me down. Well, go on, punk, and bring it! Just throw it down and wing it. Got somethin' heavy? Swing it! Gonna try and knock me down. You think you gotta hand, ya better play it, But don't be surprised if you pull back a stump. That chip on your shoulder, I think ya better weigh it, 'Cause I'm just gonna say it! If you're feelin' froggy, just jump! (Hulk jumps onto the space station and tears out the satellite and smashes Venom and Whiplash with it and roars.) Phineas: Hey, Hulk, that's using my head! Baljeet: Nice! Phineas: (high fives Ferb) Wordplay! Just jump! If you're feelin' froggy, just jump! You think you've got the stuff? You think you're tough enough? Then just roll up your cuff and come and try to knock me down! You think you wanna dance? Come on and take a chance! (Thor wields lightning from Mjolnir, raising Candace and Isabella's hair.) Candace: Huh? Thor! Not worth a second glance, you wanna try to knock me down! So just say you're all in and let the chips fall And then we can find out who's the real chump. If you think I'm gonna fold, then you could win it all Then I'm gonna call If you're feelin' froggy, just jump! Phineas: (to Candace) Hey. Candace: Hey. Phineas: So earlier, I really lost it. Uh, I'm sorry. Candace: No, I'm sorry. I deserved it. Everything I did made things worse. Phineas: It's okay. You were trying to help. And hello! You guys saved the day! Candace: Thanks! Phineas: (taking out the repaired S.H.E.D. ID) So will you take your S.H.E.D. membership card back? I fixed it. Candace: (takes it) I accept. If you're feelin' froggy, just jump! If you're feelin' froggy, just jump! Come on! If you're feelin' froggy, just jump! (By the end of the song and the battle, Iron Man and Hulk sign photos to Major Monogram and Carl respectively and hand them to Perry, who smiles and gives a thumbs up.) Candace: What? (she sees her mother walking by the wreckage) Is that Mom? You know I love you guys and I'm super glad we made up, but would you look at this place? Sorry, but you are SO BUSTED! Mom! (And there she goes again.) (After Candace leaves, the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier flies in and lowers the Quinjet. Fury emerges from the aircraft. The heroes approach him with the tied up villains.) Nick Fury: Toss 'em in! Nice work, kids! You didn't just get back our heroes' powers. You showed true courage fighting alongside them! (salutes) S.H.I.E.L.D. owes you a debt of gratitude. (Phineas and Ferb salute back.) Hot Dog Vendor: Yeah! Hot dogs for everyone, baby! (Cut to Linda on her tour.) Tour Guide: Three years later when the new day care center was built on top of the ancient burial ground... Candace: Mom! Mom Mom Mom! You gotta come back to the square! The boys' space satellite crashed down to Earth and these villains had a machine that would destroy the Tri-State Area and there's superheroes! All in the square! You gotta see it! Linda: I'm surprised that's not on the tour. Candace: No time for sarcasm, Mom! (grabs her) Come on! (Cut back to the square where Iron Man gives Ferb a card.) Iron Man: Here's my direct line, Ferb. Internship, next summer? It'll be fun. (Ferb points, winks, and clicks his tongue.) Spider-Man: Next time, Phin, the juice box'll be my treat. (web slings away) Phineas: You got it, Spidey! (Hulk growls at Baljeet and holds out his fist.) Baljeet: Uh, okay. (fist bumps Hulk) Hulk: Ow! Hmm. Ha ha! Gotcha! (The heroes all go into the Quinjet as Thor brings lightning to Mjolnir once more. Buford waves his fish in the air. The Helicarrier and Quinjet take off as the heroes wave goodbye to the gang.) (Cut back to D.E.I.) Doofenshmirtz: Ih. Finally found an extension cord the right size! (plugs in the inator) Take that, bad guys! (The inator zaps the space station away and Candace appears just as it disappears.) Candace: ...giant head shaped like Phineas and superheroes! But...but...but... Linda: Oh, yes. There they are. (zoom out to reveal a comic book stand full of Spider-Man, Hulk, Thor, Iron Man and Ducky Momo comics) Candace: Wha? Linda: Hulk, Iron Man, Thor. All of them. I forgot you had a thing for comic books. Candace: But but...This isn't how..Wait, where did... Linda: You wanna join me for the rest of the tour? Candace: No, I'd rather stay here and sulk. (Linda turns the audio tour back on and resumes her tour.) (Cut back to Doof.) Doofenshmirtz: I did it! Did anyone see that? Anyone? Anyone? No one's lookin'. Nobody's payin' attention. Major Monogram: Well thats it for todays countdown see you next time Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And if you miss this special episode just click the rewind button on your TV remote at home see you all next time! 


End file.
